Of course it's hard. You're dipping in and out of the bargaining stage of grief (check this out http://grief.com/the-five-stages/). If only I had done this. If only I had done that. Maybe I could have spent more time / money / effort / energy. It's perfectly natural to think these things. However it is, of course, nonsense. you loved the little boy. LOVED him. If you could have thought of a better way of acting at the time you would have done it. If someone had said your cat will live if you run naked down the street you'd be on youtube right now. If someone had said your cat will live if you stick cat poo in your ears you'd have run for the litter tray. Honestly, the reality is that you did everything you could, everything any of us could. It was just his time.
it is just really hard not to blame myself when I know his last few days were spent in such misery and he still STILL managed to give me the slow blink of "I love you momma" all the time ....when he needed help and I couldn't give it to him...i miss him and how close we re and it's very very hard not to think if i would have just tried harder we'd still be together...
Of course you miss him. You were bonded with him. That doesn't change just because he's physically gone. The love you had for him is still there. him being dead doesn't take away the fact he loved you, or how he made you feel. Everything about your relationship with him is exactly the same - it's just he's physically not around any more. That's why you miss him. but it's also why you should be comforted. you filled his days with love. That's our job. In the end you did what you could for him. That's our job, and you did it well.
With all due respect, this is just your pain showing. you loved him. He loved you. He didn't need anyone else. He wouldn't have wanted anyone else. He needed and wanted you.i feel like an abusive person bc he didn't realize i was the cause of the pain he felt he truly thought i was helping him bc he trusted me and I know I wasn't able to get him help...i should have just at the very least taken him to the vet and surrendered him so maybe he would have gotten the help he needed and adopted out to a better person who he could have bonded with ...i would have been crushed but not like i am now knowing no one will ever get to know him and love him again....he wasn't destined for that, he was too strong, too determined, he deserved someone better I was and am totally unworthy of his love
Time WILL heal you. You WILL have scars, because we all carry scars from the loss of our loved ones, but the pain will fade. Just look after yourself now. Eat. Drink water. Get some exercise. Sleep. Take each day at a time. It will start to get easier.