Growing weary of bad behavior. Need help.

[parsleysage]

Hi all, 

I'm having a lot of behavioral issues with the cats right now and I'm just so weary and exhausted of dealing with it. I know that we can't make cats into what we want them to be, but at the same time I'd like to feel relaxed in my own house. 

The main things we are dealing with right now are:

• Simon purposefully knocks over water glasses by my side of the sofa. Thankfully all we ever drink is water, but if not, we would have had to have our couch replaced as many times as he's done this. He leaves them alone everywhere else, even the same glass on Patrick's side, but always, always, always knocks the one on my side over. We have gotten a lot better about remembering and trying to prevent this by moving the glass when we get up, but it's infuriating to think I can't walk away from the sofa for 1-2 minutes without a cat knocking over my glass. They eat 90+% wet food and also have a water fountain that we keep clean and filled, so there is no dehydration problem.
• Boys chasing/biting Joni. I've always had this issue but lately it's gotten worse and I'm so tired of it. Sometimes they start it, sometimes she does, but once it gets started, they won't finish it unless we physically separate them. They chase her over and over and over, biting her neck and trying to pull her down. She tries to come up on the bed to get away from them but can't seem to figure out that she needs to stay in between us - instead she just walks from side to side on the bed while they go underneath to catch her on each side. We often get caught with claws while she runs/they jump up to claw. I've got a bleeding puncture in my arm as I type this thanks to Garfunkel trying to get at Joni when she jumped up onto the bed.
• Food aggression. I barely have the loosest of control over their aggression when I feed them. If anyone else besides me feeds them, all bets are off. They scream, claw, jump up on the counters, fight each other for the bowls, etc. This has meant the reintroduction of dry food when we are away overnight, because I can't ask people to come feed them when they will get bitten and clawed. (Joni bit Patrick's mom, not hard thankfully but still.) Not to mention the times I am sick or away for the night and Patrick needs to feed them. They eat high quality, expensive canned food and when they were last at the vet about 11 months ago they were all slightly overweight, so I know they are getting enough.

Over the years we've tried so many things. I bought Feliway and it did nothing. We've tried anything from NOT separating them (while fighting) so that we didn't "disrupt the natural social hierarchy" (I read about this online somewhere, didn't work) to using spray bottles, which worked for a time but I don't feel that good about it and Simon has become nearly unafraid of them so they might not work much longer anyway.

Their behavior is wearing us both down and at this point it's made me not want to adopt any more cats, ever. I feel so angry and resentful and I want to be able to enjoy my relationship with them without feeling that way.

Please help.

 

[jcat]

Can you use a cup with a lid and straw for water till Simon gets bored with trying to knock over your drink?

For the food aggression, you could try clicker training them to sit, then make them sit before they get their meal. I did that with Mogli because I couldn't stand him clawing my legs while I was filling his bowl, and since then I've used it on a couple of the shelter cats that share rooms but always want to be the first served, i.e., the food bowls don't get put down till they sit and wait. There are several YouTube videos on clicker training, not to mention books. You start with the clicker and treats, then substitute meals for treats. It's best to use a command and a hand signal (I raise my index finger for "sit and wait"). After a while they just automatically sit at meal times.

 

[detmut]

The Tervis tumblers with lids with a coverable slot for drinking work well

 

[parsleysage]

Thanks. I'll look into a cup with a lid. However, I'd rather figure out a way to curb the behavior; I shouldn't have to only use cups with lids for the next decade. I will research clicker training as well but with three rather than one I'm not sure how well it would work. It's like they become totally different animals around food - like piranhas. Speaking of, I forgot to mention how horribly they act while we are eating - we sit on our loveseat while we eat. Simon especially will get behind us without us noticing then will reach out to literally swipe food out of our hands as we try to put it in our mouths. We tried locking them in the bedroom while we eat but the sound of them screaming and clawing the door was more off-putting than the food stealing.

Sorry to sound negative. I'm just so weary of this. It's helping me to understand why some people rehome their animals. I won't of course. They are like my children. But I understand better now how some people do.

 

[irinasak]

Could you try to figure out the cause of these behaviors?

For Simon - is it attention he's seeking? Does he do it for fun? Does he enjoy your reaction? Does he just like water? Is the water glass in his place and he's just trying to make room for himself?  What does he do after?

As for the other two problems, it seems like it is a fight for resources - could you help Joni by making more safeplaces for her and different routs she can take when trying to escape them? Tunels, high places but enough of them so that they won't be another resource to fight over? When they fight, can you distract them by throwing a toy or making a loud noise?

With the food, my bet is on the same theory of limited resource they must fight over. I can't really imagine what you're going through as my three wait for their meals peacefully outside the kitchen door (no meowing, crying, fighting or anything) and they each have their own place to eat - Harley in the bedroom, Amelie in the hallway and Sophie in the living room. We eat in the living room and never ever did they jump on the table or anything like that. Could it be that your feeding routine is not very strict so they don't know for sure when they are going to eat? I am asking this because I try to understand what might be going on in their heads.

 

[ct200]

It's bad behavior, period. So many wouodnt accept the same behavor in a human child but excuse it in animals. An animal is not a human child, it doesn't reason or understand cause and effect. Love it of course but don't put up what with what the animal world wouodnt.