Gray Bear won't come to me

[gleason]

Gray Bear is a feral cat. When he was young I was feeding him and his brother and sister. He would let me pet him and would even roll over and let me rub his belly. Would always come to me when I called him. He's about 2 years old now. One day he didn't show up. That was about 3 months ago. I figured he was gone for good. I was just accepting that fact when he showed up at the door this morning. I was so happy to see him but he won't come close to me at all. He talks to me from a distance. One problem is that the young kittens that are here are coming between us and he is afraid of the kittens. He runs away from them. Even if they are not close by he won't come to me when I call him. He looks very healthy. His coat looks shiny and smooth, not matted. His yellow eyes are clear. He is just very skittish. I don't know what to do. Any ideas?

 

[Jcatbird]

Yes. Try feeding him in an area away from the kittens. Maybe up on an outdoor table or even better, inside a carrier or crate. I socialize a lot of outdoor cats and there is a process to it. Is he neutered? It’s important for his safety that he be fixed. If he isn’t that’s probably why he left and became skittish. If you can start feeding him inside a crate you can stay near and block the kittens from interfering. He should calm down a bit as you do this. If he is not fixed though, he’ll probably leave again and faces great problems. Other males , illness, predators etc. are a great risk to him. Any chance you could bring him in? That is the safest place for him.
Is there a colony of cats there? Are the babies you mentioned strictly outdoor/ stray or ferals? You could also bring the kittens in or assemble a catio enclosure for the kittens. There really are lots of options and I’m sure others will be along to provide tips too but it would help us to understand the outside situation a little. I know it must be discouraging to have him so close but hesitant. Take heart though! There are ways to. Ring him back to being less afraid and being petted again.

 

[gleason]

He is not neutered. Right now I'm working on getting females in. There is a low cost clinic that comes in once a month. It is hard to get an appt. Sometimes takes over 2 months to get an appt. Although it is low cost, I still have a limited budget so I try to do what I can.
The kittens were a litter of ferals. I found them when they were only a few weeks old so it was easy to tame them. I've also been able to get close to the mother and she will come to me but no one else. I have an appt for her and 2 female kittens in a couple of weeks to be spayed.
The cats and kittens can all go in the garage thru a pet door. Maybe I can try to corral the kittens into the garage and see if Gray Bear will come and eat and let me get close to him. He is such a sweet and lovable cat. He's never been inside so I don't think that will work.

 

[Jcatbird]

That’s fantastic that you are working to get the population under control. I had over a hundred here and did as you are doing. I started with the females. The National Spay Alliance might be helpful. They supplement to vets near you that will work with doing spays. Some Humane Societyies will assist as well. You might try doing a Goggle search and just type in spays and neuter ferals and then your town, city, county. I didn’t have a lot to work with myself since I am on a fixed income. It took time but I did find some programs available.
As for the male, neutering will totally help to keep him around. Males leave if any female around comes into heat. They follow her. They can also be run off by more dominant males. If you really want to keep this guy around then maybe you could stash him in the garage. I know you said he was strictly outside but I worked with ferals of all ages to get them fixed, socialize and find them homes because this area was very dangerous for them. I was seeing a lot of kitties get hurt or killed and I just couldn’t stand by and let that happen. Surprisingly, the cats seemed very grateful to be somewhere safe and cared for. It does take adjustment time for them and not all become little lap cats but I found that out of the hundred plus, all but a few did become lap cats. The others are safe and love to be petted, played with and want human affection. It is a process to get them adjusted but some adjusted nearly immediately. It just depends on the individual cat. Many here have gone through the process and would be happy to guide you through it if you desire to build that bond. It sounds like he really loves you and is looking for the relationship to become secure. Just let us know if any questions you have or information you need with any of the things you are doing with the kitties. I’m glad you came to TCS because it can provide you with support and information. It certainly was a huge help to me. I came here just like you did. I was just looking for information. I have been writing a thread about the process and the kitties I pulled in ever since. I hope we can be of service to you. I am very glad to meet another lifesaver and kitty guardian. If you are a kitty guardian, you’re a kitty hero!

 

[gleason]

We live in a rural area. The low cost clinic is the only thing available that is affordable. For $40 per cat, they spay/neuter, give rabies shot if old enough, flea treatment if needed, ears checked, nails trimmed if wanted and of course ear tipping. I took 2 cats in last fall. They are awesome people.
Now back to Gray Bear and seeing if I can make any progress today if he shows up.

 

[Jcatbird]

I am in a remote place too. It was tough finding anything but a full cost vet. 40 is a good deal. I worked with our county shelter though and , along with others, managed to get officials to understand the need for TNR. A program does exist here now. I have researched groups for people in many states and found that some National groups try to help but honestly, 40 isn’t bad at all. Of course it does add up when you have multiples! I hope Gray Bear showed up.

 

[gleason]

Sad to say I did not see Gray Bear today. It's like he was just passing thru to say hello and went on his way.

 

[Jcatbird]

I’m sure he is lurking around some where. It’s pretty common for a Tom to sort of use a place as his base. He probably has a girlfriend somewhere. He may be coming after the kittens are asleep. Cats are the greatest at staying hidden when they want to. I often found my “missing” cats in the wee hours. They would be nearby but hidden from me. A good offering and calling softly to them would bring them out. My guess is that if the kittens were in the garage, he would stick around where you could see him more. Hopefully you’ll see him again soon. Please keep us posted.

 

[gleason]

I hadn't seen him again until yesterday. He was over by the barn/storage shed. I called him and he came trotting towards me "talking" the whole time. The kittens were not by me. He suddenly stopped half way and would not come any closer. When I walked towards him he turned and ran the other way. He seems to be very leary of humans. I'm thinking he had a bad experience somewhere in his travels. So time will tell if I can win him over again.

 

[Jcatbird]

You can win him over again. I’m so thrilled he was talking to you and let you see him. That’s a great indicator. Just keep calling and leading him over. A trick I used was just keeping treats in my pockets at all times. I would toss them just past the kitty so they did not think I was throwing them at them. I think he is still wary of kittens and Mom being around. Possible another Tom too. It’s not a surprise to me that he returned though. He has a bond with you. Just keep trying and if you can, get him fixed. Please , Keep us posted !!

 

[gleason]

It's starting to get cold here. We keep our garage heated and the cats know how to get thru the pet door. Gray Bear spent last winter in the garage with several other cats. He may have come back with hopes of going in the garage again. At least that is what I am hoping.
Here is a pic of him taken last July.