- Joined
- Sep 10, 2018
- Messages
- 250
- Purraise
- 283
I never knew Irving as a kitten- he entered my life as an adult cat, belonging to someone I was dating at the time. I tried not to get attached, but slowly and tentatively, a friendship formed. I made sure his food and water no longer went empty, I tended to the litter box that seemed to have been forgotten. He was a quiet cat, street smart and independent, never demanding but always appreciative of attention. When it was time for the humans to part ways, I asked to keep Irving in my care and thankfully, my wish was granted.
He was never a pet to me- he was always a friend. Through all manner of trials and tribulations, he was there. There was never a moment he was not in the same room as I, and he was usually always within reach. We lived in perfect harmony together, content. He was the last thing I saw every night, and the first thing I saw every morning. I was never happier than when he'd lay next to me and purr, happy to just me near me. He never asked for much, and in return I gave him my heart.
He slowed down a little, but it was easy to forget his age. Sometimes I would count the years and find myself shocked at how much time had gone, and find myself dreading the day. Always on cue, he would curl up to me and purr, and tearfully I would sing to him-
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
This year was a hard one, loosing equine friends at work and then later in the spring I lost a friend. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and shortly after, declined rapidly and passed away. Irving saw me through it all, and was my little ray of light through the dark. I could not shake my anxiety, though, and found myself singing to him more and more. I begged him not to go, not yet. He was my sunshine, my only sunshine...
Irving was a quiet cat. Always stoic, always strong. For a week after my mother's passing, Irving slept in the spare room that had been "hers." He'd see me off to bed, cuddle for a while, and then go to sleep on her bed. If I called to him, he'd come, and then go back. This made me anxious but after that week, our usual routine resumed. I wondered if he knew my mother had gone somehow, and was just keeping her company. It was only a month since she passed, when I came home from work and was not greeted at the door. When I found him, I felt my heart instantly shatter and knew without a doubt that he was gone. I buried my face into his fur as I had done so many times before, and sang to him one last time.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
The other night dear, as I lay sleepin'
I dreamed, I held you by my side
When I awoke dear, I was mistaken
And I hung my head and I cry
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
For 13 years, he had been my entire world, my everything, the last thing in this world that I loved. I imagined my heart as a bubble, fragile and beautiful as it swelled with love for him. Bigger and bigger it grew until finally, at the moment of his passing, it burst. I felt as if my heart was forever frozen at that moment of utter annihilation, suspended in a million beautiful fragments. I am stuck, free falling without him. I know in time, the pain will be a little easier to carry, but never gone. And I don't want it to be. He will always have my heart, and when I feel at my darkest I will think of him and whisper- "you are my sunshine."
He was never a pet to me- he was always a friend. Through all manner of trials and tribulations, he was there. There was never a moment he was not in the same room as I, and he was usually always within reach. We lived in perfect harmony together, content. He was the last thing I saw every night, and the first thing I saw every morning. I was never happier than when he'd lay next to me and purr, happy to just me near me. He never asked for much, and in return I gave him my heart.
He slowed down a little, but it was easy to forget his age. Sometimes I would count the years and find myself shocked at how much time had gone, and find myself dreading the day. Always on cue, he would curl up to me and purr, and tearfully I would sing to him-
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
This year was a hard one, loosing equine friends at work and then later in the spring I lost a friend. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and shortly after, declined rapidly and passed away. Irving saw me through it all, and was my little ray of light through the dark. I could not shake my anxiety, though, and found myself singing to him more and more. I begged him not to go, not yet. He was my sunshine, my only sunshine...
Irving was a quiet cat. Always stoic, always strong. For a week after my mother's passing, Irving slept in the spare room that had been "hers." He'd see me off to bed, cuddle for a while, and then go to sleep on her bed. If I called to him, he'd come, and then go back. This made me anxious but after that week, our usual routine resumed. I wondered if he knew my mother had gone somehow, and was just keeping her company. It was only a month since she passed, when I came home from work and was not greeted at the door. When I found him, I felt my heart instantly shatter and knew without a doubt that he was gone. I buried my face into his fur as I had done so many times before, and sang to him one last time.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
The other night dear, as I lay sleepin'
I dreamed, I held you by my side
When I awoke dear, I was mistaken
And I hung my head and I cry
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
For 13 years, he had been my entire world, my everything, the last thing in this world that I loved. I imagined my heart as a bubble, fragile and beautiful as it swelled with love for him. Bigger and bigger it grew until finally, at the moment of his passing, it burst. I felt as if my heart was forever frozen at that moment of utter annihilation, suspended in a million beautiful fragments. I am stuck, free falling without him. I know in time, the pain will be a little easier to carry, but never gone. And I don't want it to be. He will always have my heart, and when I feel at my darkest I will think of him and whisper- "you are my sunshine."
