My DD recently became engaged and, no, congratulations are not in order. This boy has 4 alcohol related arrests, swore to DD that he wasn't drinking anymore then called my house at 7:15 on a Sunday morning---drunk, of course----because her cell phone wasn't on. The following week his aunt found him passed out on the front porch of his parents house at 8 a.m. in
15* weather. Later that same day he (according to DD) met her at the local mall, weaving from side to side and dropping items on the floor in various stores. Later that same day his sister found him passed out again---at least this time he was inside his parents' house. When they were finally able to bring him around (DD wanted to call the ambulance, but his sister, her husband, and 2 friends wouldn't let her) his excuse was that he'd taken too many OTC testosterone supplements. Of course, he was only doing it to look good for her, altho' he admitted he'd been taking 'supplements' for a year and a half and they've only known each other 5 months.
I sat her down and had the most intense talk I've ever had with her about his addictions. I really thought she'd heard me---until she saw him that night and everything was just fine again. I don't care for him, obviously, but have tried to tell myself that he's her choice and I have to make the best of it. Basically, grin and bear it.
DD came home last night after DH and I were asleep; she had to call for me to unlock the door because she didn't have her keys. Since her car and house keys are on the same ring, I immediately knew something was up. She says there's a problem with the brake lights on the car she drives (the one that belongs to DH & me), that she'd taken it to the Ford dealership, they'd given her a loaner, and that's where her house keys were. Since it's my car I called the dealership this morning to see what's wrong with it. They have no record of the car being there. I go outside to look at "the rental", which turns out to be her bf's Dad's car. Naturally, I ask where my car is; she tells me the same story. I let her know that the dealership knows nothing about it and that it's her future FIL's car parked in front of the house. (he's a salesman at the dealership) Trying to shorten this a lot----the future inlaws know I don't care for their son and thought I'd get mad that the future FIL was helping my DD by sneaking the car in to be worried on 'off the books'. So, they tell her that she should tell me the story about taking the car in and getting a rental. In other words, they told her to lie to me.
It took 2 days for the geniuses at the dealership to discover a bad fuse.
I pointed out that if I'd been told there was a problem with the lights in the first place I could have called our mechanic--whose shop is a whole block away--and had the problem fixed in all of 20 minutes.
DD admits the future inlaws and their family are 'weird'. I am scared to death about what's going to happen if she marries this character. She's at the stage where she blames everyone else when he screws up: he only got drunk because he went out with Joe, he only overdosed because he took a lot of pills on an empty stomach. I can't stand the thought of her marrying him, and there isn't a thing I can do. DH, in his infinite wisdom, tells me 'we have to stay out of it; she had to dump him on her own.' In fact, DH is convinced that if the wedding actually happens they'll be divorced within a year.
Am I totally unreasonable? I feel as if his family told her to flat out lie to me. They don't even know me. DD hasn't even brought the bf around to meet her Dad! She's my only child and maybe I am over-protective. But I look at this guy's record and his recent stupidity and it tears my heart out that DD is settling for someone like that.
I really needed to vent about this; it's been eating at me for ages. I got one of those 'gut feelings' about him when they started dating and it just gets worse at time goes on. Can anyone tell me how to come to terms with this? I seriously don't even want to attend the wedding; that would be like giving my approval for something I think is a HUGE mistake. I cry several times a day just thinking about it, and go ballistic when it seems as if DD is taking the inlaw's side over her own family's. I talk to my Mom about this a lot, and she understands completely. I just don't know how to cope with this until the wedding a year from now.
15* weather. Later that same day he (according to DD) met her at the local mall, weaving from side to side and dropping items on the floor in various stores. Later that same day his sister found him passed out again---at least this time he was inside his parents' house. When they were finally able to bring him around (DD wanted to call the ambulance, but his sister, her husband, and 2 friends wouldn't let her) his excuse was that he'd taken too many OTC testosterone supplements. Of course, he was only doing it to look good for her, altho' he admitted he'd been taking 'supplements' for a year and a half and they've only known each other 5 months.
I sat her down and had the most intense talk I've ever had with her about his addictions. I really thought she'd heard me---until she saw him that night and everything was just fine again. I don't care for him, obviously, but have tried to tell myself that he's her choice and I have to make the best of it. Basically, grin and bear it.
DD came home last night after DH and I were asleep; she had to call for me to unlock the door because she didn't have her keys. Since her car and house keys are on the same ring, I immediately knew something was up. She says there's a problem with the brake lights on the car she drives (the one that belongs to DH & me), that she'd taken it to the Ford dealership, they'd given her a loaner, and that's where her house keys were. Since it's my car I called the dealership this morning to see what's wrong with it. They have no record of the car being there. I go outside to look at "the rental", which turns out to be her bf's Dad's car. Naturally, I ask where my car is; she tells me the same story. I let her know that the dealership knows nothing about it and that it's her future FIL's car parked in front of the house. (he's a salesman at the dealership) Trying to shorten this a lot----the future inlaws know I don't care for their son and thought I'd get mad that the future FIL was helping my DD by sneaking the car in to be worried on 'off the books'. So, they tell her that she should tell me the story about taking the car in and getting a rental. In other words, they told her to lie to me.
It took 2 days for the geniuses at the dealership to discover a bad fuse.
DD admits the future inlaws and their family are 'weird'. I am scared to death about what's going to happen if she marries this character. She's at the stage where she blames everyone else when he screws up: he only got drunk because he went out with Joe, he only overdosed because he took a lot of pills on an empty stomach. I can't stand the thought of her marrying him, and there isn't a thing I can do. DH, in his infinite wisdom, tells me 'we have to stay out of it; she had to dump him on her own.' In fact, DH is convinced that if the wedding actually happens they'll be divorced within a year.
Am I totally unreasonable? I feel as if his family told her to flat out lie to me. They don't even know me. DD hasn't even brought the bf around to meet her Dad! She's my only child and maybe I am over-protective. But I look at this guy's record and his recent stupidity and it tears my heart out that DD is settling for someone like that.
I really needed to vent about this; it's been eating at me for ages. I got one of those 'gut feelings' about him when they started dating and it just gets worse at time goes on. Can anyone tell me how to come to terms with this? I seriously don't even want to attend the wedding; that would be like giving my approval for something I think is a HUGE mistake. I cry several times a day just thinking about it, and go ballistic when it seems as if DD is taking the inlaw's side over her own family's. I talk to my Mom about this a lot, and she understands completely. I just don't know how to cope with this until the wedding a year from now.
