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WinterHawk will you marry me?
Great advice!!
Thank you so much!!! I just wish Tim could see things the way you do!!!Originally Posted by Winter Hawk
It seems this has been all from the *female* point of view....NO pun intended. Well, speaking from the male side, might I give MY humble opinion???
You say that you love him but you can't trust him......NOT a good place to be. To me, a relationship is built mostly on trust. It is the foundation upon which everything is built upon. I would say that going out with his brother instead of spending the evening with you was selfish on his part and very disrespectful of you and your wants and needs. Does he do this all the time, or has this just started recently? A relationship is also a two-way street, it is give and take......not all one-sided. I look at a relationship kind of like a bank account, I need to make MORE deposits than withdrawals. It sometimes isn't easy......nothing worth having EVER is. Relationships have their ups and downs, sometimes one side gives more than the other.......and other times the situation is reversed. What I have learned is this.......arguments are nothing more than one person trying to change the others mind.....and more times than not this is NOT going to happen....so what to do then??? What I do is agree to disagree, not take it personal and if I need to speak my mind about something I do it, then I can leave it behind me. When I don't speak my mind it is for sure going to come up again in the future. I am a very firm believer in respecting my partner, and I strive to not just say this but to show it in EVERY way I possibly can. I, however, am human and I do make mistakes. No one here can make any decisions for you.......they are yours alone to make. When times get tough, and they sometimes do, I try to pick and choose my battles. By this I mean I weigh *in my head* "What is this worth to me?" Sometimes it is worth causing a possible disagreement.......sometimes it isn't. I, myself, would not tolerate being disrespected.......repeatedly. You don't deserve this type of treatment and neither does anyone else. Have you ever asked him, when he decides to do something with friends, how HE would feel if YOU treated him this way ??? I would......not in a mean way but nevertheless.....in a serious way. Well.........this has been a MALE point of view........for what it is worth 8*)
Gee, can I empathize with you! I've had 18 years of my husand and I don't think he even realizes how emotionally destructive he can be to me. Don't give up though. Hang in there. There will be better times. I don't know you or your relationship too well, but from my experience maybe the two of you just need a vacation from each other to realize how important you are to each other. We're in a down time too right now. It happens, but with long term relationships that's just the way it is. It's one heck of a rollar coaster ride! You're always welcome to vent here!Originally Posted by emb_78
This is the first time this kind of fight has happened. He is never mean to the cats. He doesn't call me names or hit me... He just makes me feel bad. I am an extremely sensitive person!!!
I was starting to think the same thing. It sounds like communication for some reason broke down. Maybe someone external (like a counsellor) can help you reconnect.Originally Posted by Februa
I think its very sad when we feel like we cant talk to the people we want to talk to the most....or need to talk to the most as it seems here. I have faith that your husband is being a clueless man and does not realize how seriously upset you have become recently. Help him see that, and then maybe see a marriage counsellor. It is sometimes impossible to calmly discuss emotional things like this without letting anger cloud the real issues.
Good point about the hubby being clueless...and about the marriage counsellor. He did buy you roses and took you out to dinner, and so maybe his expectation of Sweetest Day and yours are just light years apart.Originally Posted by Februa
I think its very sad when we feel like we cant talk to the people we want to talk to the most....or need to talk to the most as it seems here. I have faith that your husband is being a clueless man and does not realize how seriously upset you have become recently. Help him see that, and then maybe see a marriage counsellor. It is sometimes impossible to calmly discuss emotional things like this without letting anger cloud the real issues.
What does Dr. Phil say? I'm curious. You made some statements that hit the nail right on the head w/me and my hubby. We don't talk much, but the reason for that is because I'm always shot down! Maybe her hubby is the same way. Whenever you try to say something you're always made to feel like crap. I've been there and am still doing it. Thinking about throwing in the towel though after 20 years. I only stay around because of the kids. I wish her well. I can only pray she has better communication with her hubby than I do with mine!Originally Posted by halfpint
I don't think you should just give up, I do beleive what Dr Phil say's about earning your way out of a relationship, but I also beleive if you can't work out problems you need to really think about it. Why stay with someone who is bringing you down,making you unhappy, and doesen't want the same things you do, kinda like being in a sick relationship and you will just get sicker. Plus being unhappy all the time the longer that goes on the more you start to dislike the other person. Sorry you are having problems hope it works out for the best.
Well I personally like Dr Phil he's a common sence down to earth person, he has helped alot of people resolve there problems or I should say he has gotten them help. It may be a good idea for you to get his Relationship rescue book, it's probably out in paperback by now, maybe that will give you a few clues as to how to try and work out some issues. Hope this helpsOriginally Posted by Lndscpsam
What does Dr. Phil say? I'm curious. You made some statements that hit the nail right on the head w/me and my hubby. We don't talk much, but the reason for that is because I'm always shot down! Maybe her hubby is the same way. Whenever you try to say something you're always made to feel like crap. I've been there and am still doing it. Thinking about throwing in the towel though after 20 years. I only stay around because of the kids. I wish her well. I can only pray she has better communication with her hubby than I do with mine!
I just ordered it!!! Thanks I hope it helps before it's too late!!!Originally Posted by halfpint
Well I personally like Dr Phil he's a common sence down to earth person, he has helped alot of people resolve there problems or I should say he has gotten them help. It may be a good idea for you to get his Relationship rescue book, it's probably out in paperback by now, maybe that will give you a few clues as to how to try and work out some issues. Hope this helps
Anything's worth a try