Fighting or Playing?

[JustineS72]

I posted a few weeks ago about introducing these two to each other. I thought things had been going well, but I've started worrying again. This video shows how most of the fights go in our house. George, male, 8 mos. is larger than Plum, also 8 mos. But she has dominance and (to my mind) terrorizes our sweet peaceful guy. In this video, his ears are back and his tail is bottle-brushed, where she doesn't display these features.

I don't know what to do to mitigate these fights, and I feel so bad for George, who minds his own business and seems to try and stay away from Plum for the most part. Recently, he's started staying closer to me when I'm home, sitting with me on the couch and coming to bed with me at night. I'm worried about what happens while I'm at work. I'm really hoping someone can give me concrete advice. Thank you!
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[susanm9006]

Absolutely playing in my book. No screaming, no hissing, both are taking slaps at one another and neither looks particular angry or frightened.

 

[marmoset]

Playful. I wouldn't worry about this at all. The body language is playful, no one is hissing or yowling, fur isn't flying. You can see the grey one approach the tabby and the tabby is a little late to the game but joins in and even tries to continue the playing when the grey cat first gets on the floor but then seems to get tired of it. Nothing too unusual for two 8 month old kitties.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Like the others, I wouldn't worry about this one. A real cat fight is very tense and very loud. The worst I see is George looks annoyed and irritated, kind of like you might be annoyed if you're trying to sleep and your kid is trying to get your attention just because they can but I see no real aggression out of Plum, just rough play.
If Plum is more active and playful and likes to pester George, some interactive toys or toys that dispense treats might keep her occupied a bit. We have two 11 year old cats that play this same game almost every day. One starts pestering the other, and the pinned ears, swishy tail, and pouncing is exactly what we see.
If you're very concerned, you could try removing Plum when you see her acting like this and putting her in "solitary confinement" for a few minutes (a bathroom or laundry room works fine) to get the message in her head that pestering her brother gets her nothing.

 

[ArtNJ]

One cat often wants to play more, and the other will often end things by running away. That doesn't make it fighting. As was already mentioned, no doubt this was play. That doesn't mean that a play imbalance cant sometimes cause stress. Some young cats can be quite remorseless about hounding their "friend". This particular video, however, shows mutual playing.

Remember, cats hold grudges and show their feelings. If striped kitty doesn't avoid grey kitty even when grey kitty is calm, if striped kitty doesn't ever protest more than a hiss or light swat, then there just isn't a real problem. Hyper-vigilance would be another sign that striped kitty is stressed -- i.e. can't relax and get petted by you anymore, is always on the lookout, ready to run away.

A play imbalance is almost never all that bad when both are so young. One is a bit more active. The other thinks they are a PITA at times. Doesn't mean they dont get value from the relationship overall.

 

[Marlow cat]

Claws and blood. If your cats are leaving scratches on each other and drawing blood = fighting otherwise playing.

 

[JustineS72]

Thanks everyone. I should’ve mentioned that there is hissing. These altercations almost always end in some hissing on George’s part, which sometimes but not always brings things to an end.

I appreciate everyone’s input! It’s very helpful and reassuring. I wish things were a bit more balanced around here though

 

[Kieka]

Thanks everyone. I should’ve mentioned that there is hissing. These altercations almost always end in some hissing on George’s part, which sometimes but not always brings things to an end.

I appreciate everyone’s input! It’s very helpful and reassuring. I wish things were a bit more balanced around here though

It ending with hissing is actually not a bad thing. That means that the hisser said enough and was listened too. They are still learning each other's boundaries and there are bound to be misunderstandings.

If it helps, this is a fairly typical play between two of my cats (well my cat and my moms). They were introduced when Link (the tan one) was 5 weeks old and Fury (the black) was 1 year old. In this video they are 4 and 5. They get along just fine with very little if any problems.
https://thecatsite.com/media/vid_70290101_083332_894.421929/

This one is a little louder. Rocket (smaller) and Link (larger) are a year apart. They were inseperable the moment they met with Link always being very gentle with his sister. He pushes her too far sometimes but she hisses and he backs off (or she gets in a bad mood and hisses at her own shadow). But she is also a super loud player and knowing the difference between mad and playing is hard. This is when she was almost 2 and he was 3.... ish.
https://thecatsite.com/media/20170902_210227.420658/

 

[JustineS72]

Thank you, Kieka. Your videos are helpful and reassuring!

 

[Caspers Human]

The way I see it, they are neither playing nor fighting.

What we see in the video is "Cat Politics."

This is how cats negotiate the rules.

As I saw in the video, the tabby cat was on the cat tree when the black/gray cat approached and tried to use the cat tree, too. The tabby said, "Uh-uh! I was here first!" The black cat said, "But I wanna use the tree too!"

The two cats scuffled for a minute until the black cat gave up and went elsewhere. At the end, the tabby gave chase as if to say, "Don't mess with me when I want to use the cat tree!"

You can, sort of, make an analogy between cats and two toddler children who both want to play with the same toy. They will argue and, maybe, scuffle until they learn how to share toys.

Cats are, essentially, territorial but they can learn to coexist and become social if they are in a stable situation. Your two cats are negotiating their mutual rules and boundaries and learning to coexist.

In a situation like this you will NOT want to intervene. As I said, this is "Cat Politics" and they need to be allowed to iron things out between themselves. If you intervene and stop the fighting the cats will never get the chance to set the ground rules.

People shouldn't really intervene with cats scuffling unless the fur starts to fly.

 

[ArtNJ]

Don't be discouraged. As the comfort level grows, this could easily morph into a more equal relationship. Even if not, sometimes a cat can get a *lot* of benefit from having an over eager friend, even if they do need to tell their over eager friend "enough!" quite often. As long as it doesn't get nasty, you can let them work it out.