I haven't been posting very frequently. In fact, I think I've really been isolating myself since mid-Spring. But, I'm trying to be more visible (I lurk and follow how everyone is and what everyone is doing). And, tomorrow, I have an endocrinologist appointment. I've only seen endocrinologists while admitted in the hospital and they were not much help due to the circumstances (they were just consults -- not invested in my care). So, admittedly, I am quite nervous about my appointment tomorrow morning.
As some of you know, I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes in April of this year. Since the initial diagnosis, I have had 3 hospitalizations for severe complications (which threatened my life on two instances) and I am now insulin dependent. In all of those cases, I was taken to the emergency room for blood sugar reaching into the 500-600+ range. I was severely dehydrated due to the high blood sugar, my kidneys were being affected, and I had issues with my electrolytes being unbalanced. At the same time as this was going on, I was diagnosed as being hypothyroid. The testing done was inconclusive as to why my thyroid is not working, but it's function was very low and I was put on medication to help in that area. Through everything, I've really struggled. I have come across many people who are inconsiderate and judgemental. I have been accused of not taking my medications and insulin and I have also been told that I deserve this and that the reason I've been struggling is due to poor diet (which could be true to a point, but I actually suffer from an eating disorder (anorexia/bulimia) and obesity or poor food choices is not the cause of my diabetes -- it is genetic). My doctor's office has been difficult (though my doctor is wonderful), but, overall, they have been helpful. But, I've been waiting since April to see this endocrinologist and I am really fearful of what will be said or done tomorrow.
Blood sugar-wise, I've never reached a normal reading. And, through everything, I have started to restrict my food intake to compensate for the high blood glucose. So, even after eating one very small meal today, my blood sugar was 167 at my last reading (nearly 7 hours after eating and after taking my insulin). That is a fasting blood sugar and, had I eaten a regular amount today, there is no doubt my sugar would have rested in the 300 range. I've also become very lethargic. I am always exhausted -- often sleeping 12-14 hours daily. I am still working, but that too is difficult and I bottom out frequently due to pushing myself to such extremes. So, this appointment tomorrow is crucial on so many levels. I just don't know what to expect. I know we'll do bloodwork and labs, but I also know my last hemoglobin A1C was through the roof. And, I worry that my electrolytes could be way off. And, I've not even started to think about my thyroid function. I guess I just feel as though I have no control over my body anymore. And, it scares me. The fact that I'm struggling with my eating disorder does not help the issue, but without restricting my food, I would be having blood sugar spikes into the 500's. I can't afford to be hospitalized again for my diabetes. But, then again, if things don't improve, what good will I be at work or at home? I digress...
In the end, if you can spare some prayers or vibes, I would greatly appreciate them. I hope I don't come off as whining or resentful in my post -- I'm anything but. I don't want to have diabetes, but I am so grateful for the wonderful things and the amazing people I have in my life. And, diabetes, whether I like it or not, is a part of that. It's difficult, yes, but it has also helped me grow as an individual. I'm blessed and I know that, but, even blessed people could use a hug or two sometimes
.
As some of you know, I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes in April of this year. Since the initial diagnosis, I have had 3 hospitalizations for severe complications (which threatened my life on two instances) and I am now insulin dependent. In all of those cases, I was taken to the emergency room for blood sugar reaching into the 500-600+ range. I was severely dehydrated due to the high blood sugar, my kidneys were being affected, and I had issues with my electrolytes being unbalanced. At the same time as this was going on, I was diagnosed as being hypothyroid. The testing done was inconclusive as to why my thyroid is not working, but it's function was very low and I was put on medication to help in that area. Through everything, I've really struggled. I have come across many people who are inconsiderate and judgemental. I have been accused of not taking my medications and insulin and I have also been told that I deserve this and that the reason I've been struggling is due to poor diet (which could be true to a point, but I actually suffer from an eating disorder (anorexia/bulimia) and obesity or poor food choices is not the cause of my diabetes -- it is genetic). My doctor's office has been difficult (though my doctor is wonderful), but, overall, they have been helpful. But, I've been waiting since April to see this endocrinologist and I am really fearful of what will be said or done tomorrow.
Blood sugar-wise, I've never reached a normal reading. And, through everything, I have started to restrict my food intake to compensate for the high blood glucose. So, even after eating one very small meal today, my blood sugar was 167 at my last reading (nearly 7 hours after eating and after taking my insulin). That is a fasting blood sugar and, had I eaten a regular amount today, there is no doubt my sugar would have rested in the 300 range. I've also become very lethargic. I am always exhausted -- often sleeping 12-14 hours daily. I am still working, but that too is difficult and I bottom out frequently due to pushing myself to such extremes. So, this appointment tomorrow is crucial on so many levels. I just don't know what to expect. I know we'll do bloodwork and labs, but I also know my last hemoglobin A1C was through the roof. And, I worry that my electrolytes could be way off. And, I've not even started to think about my thyroid function. I guess I just feel as though I have no control over my body anymore. And, it scares me. The fact that I'm struggling with my eating disorder does not help the issue, but without restricting my food, I would be having blood sugar spikes into the 500's. I can't afford to be hospitalized again for my diabetes. But, then again, if things don't improve, what good will I be at work or at home? I digress...
In the end, if you can spare some prayers or vibes, I would greatly appreciate them. I hope I don't come off as whining or resentful in my post -- I'm anything but. I don't want to have diabetes, but I am so grateful for the wonderful things and the amazing people I have in my life. And, diabetes, whether I like it or not, is a part of that. It's difficult, yes, but it has also helped me grow as an individual. I'm blessed and I know that, but, even blessed people could use a hug or two sometimes