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- Nov 14, 2017
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Hello all. I’m making this post because I am heartbroken and eaten up with guilt about the decision I have had to make. My husband and I will be returning our second cat, Kokomo, to the shelter from which we adopted him. I will give some backstory.
We have a senior (15yo) cat who grew up with my husband from the time he was a kitten. We took him in at our home when his parents moved out of the continental US back in January. After being an outside cat his whole life, he adapted immediately and happily to his indoor life. His joints seemed to loosen up from not being in the cold anymore, he became much more playful, and was constantly affectionate. We could never have expected a more perfect transition and a happier cat.
Fast forward to March. We decided to adopt a second cat. This would be our personal “cat maximum” for the size of our home, but I wanted to be a cat Mom to another. We went to our local no-kill shelter where I now volunteer weekly, where we asked to meet special needs and less popular cat. We met Kokomo. Six years old, one-eyed, with a head tilt, and predisposed to skin conditions, he was described as shy and reserved after living his entire life in the shelter, dumped on their doorstep as a kitten. He jumped down from his perch immediately and sat in my lap, and I was enamored. We met with him several more times, went through a background check process, and eventually brought him home.
We followed the steps given to us by the adoption committee, and Jackson Galaxy. We kept the two cats separated for a week and then started introducing them to one another in small bursts with treats and food. Keecha growled at Kokomo right off the bat but wasn’t outwardly physically aggressive. He still isn’t. Kokomo seemed to still want to be his friend but Leecha would simply walk away. Not ideal, but not terrible. However, at some point, this seemed to establish a new pecking order for Kokomo—with him on top, since Keecha didn’t want to be friends. He started attacking Keecha and smacking his nose, scratching the blood out of it. At this point we met with the adoption committee again to discuss the issues so that we could try to fix them. They suggested putting him in a large play pen (essentially a dog cage) for several weeks, so that the two cats could be near each other without and risk of physical altercation, to cool things off. At the same time, we started using Feliway Family to try to help us. We did this, and when we turned Kokomo back out, it seemed to initially help... but then, things went back to normal and they have only got much worse. Now, Kokomo attacks Keecha several times a day... many, on bad days. Keecha is scared to the point that if he hears my husband or I approaching and doesn’t see who it is, he cowers in fear and hisses. I even have to escort Keecha to the litter box now, because he spends all of his time on his safe spot, the futon, and if Kokomo scratched him on the floor, he attacks, and Keecha retreats back to the futon. Recently I didn’t do my job well enough and Keecha peed on the futon, something he has never done or offered to do, even upon first entering our home from being outside. Obviously Keecha is suffering from this... but Kokomo is too. Despite being reserved around people, in the shelter, Kokomo was mild and snuggly around other cats. I can’t imagine how confusing and stressful it is to be around a cat who doesn’t want to be his friend after having so many friends.
The second issue is separation anxiety. If we are ever away for an extended amount of time, Kokomo pees and poops on our belongings instead of using the litter box. We have to cover our belongings in shower liners when we leave. When I say extended amount of time, I mean longer than a work day—if we take a day trip or spend even one night away, this happens. We are newlyweds and in our early 20s, blessed with a good economic situation, so our lifestyle involves lots of exploration and such day trips. We don’t want this to make Kokomo miserable and stressed. We don’t want to make ourselves miserable either.
All of this on the decision to return Kokomo. I want him to be happy, and I want Keecha to be happy. That’s the bottom line. Neither of them are bad cats, not at all. But they just don’t get along at all, to the point of physical harm. I have, in the past, been so angry and annoyed at people who return cats or dogs, it hurts my heart for the babies. So I hate myself for this, if I’m being honest. I know he is alive, not an item, he has feelings and routine, and I feel guilty for causing him this needless stress in his life. I just wanted to love him, and I do, but this is the most loving thing I can do now, I feel. The shelter is absolutely no-kill. I volunteer there and they are so wonderful. They know all of the cats by name, volunteers go in shifts and have assigned rooms so that all cats have one on one attention all day long and constantly clean living spaces. It is not a bad situation I’ll be returning him to. That doesn’t make me feel less guilty.
Is this the right choice? Also, upon his return, I want to keep visiting him often on the shelter. Will this be confusing for him though? I just want the best for him. I’m sorry. Thank you for reading.
We have a senior (15yo) cat who grew up with my husband from the time he was a kitten. We took him in at our home when his parents moved out of the continental US back in January. After being an outside cat his whole life, he adapted immediately and happily to his indoor life. His joints seemed to loosen up from not being in the cold anymore, he became much more playful, and was constantly affectionate. We could never have expected a more perfect transition and a happier cat.
Fast forward to March. We decided to adopt a second cat. This would be our personal “cat maximum” for the size of our home, but I wanted to be a cat Mom to another. We went to our local no-kill shelter where I now volunteer weekly, where we asked to meet special needs and less popular cat. We met Kokomo. Six years old, one-eyed, with a head tilt, and predisposed to skin conditions, he was described as shy and reserved after living his entire life in the shelter, dumped on their doorstep as a kitten. He jumped down from his perch immediately and sat in my lap, and I was enamored. We met with him several more times, went through a background check process, and eventually brought him home.
We followed the steps given to us by the adoption committee, and Jackson Galaxy. We kept the two cats separated for a week and then started introducing them to one another in small bursts with treats and food. Keecha growled at Kokomo right off the bat but wasn’t outwardly physically aggressive. He still isn’t. Kokomo seemed to still want to be his friend but Leecha would simply walk away. Not ideal, but not terrible. However, at some point, this seemed to establish a new pecking order for Kokomo—with him on top, since Keecha didn’t want to be friends. He started attacking Keecha and smacking his nose, scratching the blood out of it. At this point we met with the adoption committee again to discuss the issues so that we could try to fix them. They suggested putting him in a large play pen (essentially a dog cage) for several weeks, so that the two cats could be near each other without and risk of physical altercation, to cool things off. At the same time, we started using Feliway Family to try to help us. We did this, and when we turned Kokomo back out, it seemed to initially help... but then, things went back to normal and they have only got much worse. Now, Kokomo attacks Keecha several times a day... many, on bad days. Keecha is scared to the point that if he hears my husband or I approaching and doesn’t see who it is, he cowers in fear and hisses. I even have to escort Keecha to the litter box now, because he spends all of his time on his safe spot, the futon, and if Kokomo scratched him on the floor, he attacks, and Keecha retreats back to the futon. Recently I didn’t do my job well enough and Keecha peed on the futon, something he has never done or offered to do, even upon first entering our home from being outside. Obviously Keecha is suffering from this... but Kokomo is too. Despite being reserved around people, in the shelter, Kokomo was mild and snuggly around other cats. I can’t imagine how confusing and stressful it is to be around a cat who doesn’t want to be his friend after having so many friends.
The second issue is separation anxiety. If we are ever away for an extended amount of time, Kokomo pees and poops on our belongings instead of using the litter box. We have to cover our belongings in shower liners when we leave. When I say extended amount of time, I mean longer than a work day—if we take a day trip or spend even one night away, this happens. We are newlyweds and in our early 20s, blessed with a good economic situation, so our lifestyle involves lots of exploration and such day trips. We don’t want this to make Kokomo miserable and stressed. We don’t want to make ourselves miserable either.
All of this on the decision to return Kokomo. I want him to be happy, and I want Keecha to be happy. That’s the bottom line. Neither of them are bad cats, not at all. But they just don’t get along at all, to the point of physical harm. I have, in the past, been so angry and annoyed at people who return cats or dogs, it hurts my heart for the babies. So I hate myself for this, if I’m being honest. I know he is alive, not an item, he has feelings and routine, and I feel guilty for causing him this needless stress in his life. I just wanted to love him, and I do, but this is the most loving thing I can do now, I feel. The shelter is absolutely no-kill. I volunteer there and they are so wonderful. They know all of the cats by name, volunteers go in shifts and have assigned rooms so that all cats have one on one attention all day long and constantly clean living spaces. It is not a bad situation I’ll be returning him to. That doesn’t make me feel less guilty.
Is this the right choice? Also, upon his return, I want to keep visiting him often on the shelter. Will this be confusing for him though? I just want the best for him. I’m sorry. Thank you for reading.
I do feel that this is the right decision, no matter or hard it is. If he lives out his days in the shelter, i know he has kitty friends there, and if he finds a new adopter, i would be over the moon to vouch for this great cat. Whenever the adoption committee decides it would be best for me to bring him back in, I’ll be sending him with his favorite toys and cat bed from here, and visiting him often to make it as smooth as I can for him.
