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- Apr 21, 2012
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I'm so very sorry!
It's no easier when they simply drift off to sleep with the help of a kind veterinarian who cared deeply for her all her life, either. Today is the 10th anniversary of my dear sweet Kepler's journey to StarClan and I still miss that little "Peanut". Each special cat who we are lucky to have in our lives leaves an indelible footprint on our heart. Your Kicia will always be with you in spirit, wherever you go. She will never really be gone as long as she lives on in your memory and in your heart.
What you perceive as getting stuck may have more to do with spasms that can be common during a natural death. I highly doubt she died because she had her claws stuck.
I am beyond sorry you had to witness this. Understand that death is no easier to bear when they die softly in your arms. No matter how long they live. It's never long enough. Please don't blame yourself. She couldn't have been loved more.
I agree. What looks like she was struggling could have just been the last thing she was doing when she passed.
What you perceive as getting stuck may have more to do with spasms that can be common during a natural death. I highly doubt she died because she had her claws stuck.
I am beyond sorry you had to witness this. Understand that death is no easier to bear when they die softly in your arms. No matter how long they live. It's never long enough. Please don't blame yourself. She couldn't have been loved more.
The hardest thing we learn after losing one of our cats. It's not our fault. There is such a need to assign blame in all of us. If only is pointless. I made up Kitten's bed on my puter chair every night for weeks. The hardest life lesson is what we want and what we get are usually two different things. She knows she was loved.Thank you all for your beautiful words. Thank you for caring.
Unfortunately, there is no doubt about what happened. The position she was in when I found her was truly horrific. I wrapped her in a towel because I couldn't bear to see her anymore, frozen in agony. When I disentangled her she was so light, like she was made out of paper. The irony of it is shocking; everything I did to try and make the transition as peaceful and dignified as possible culminates in her slow, frightening and painful death. I must own that, whether I want to or not.
I am ok. And I am most definitely not ok. I feel a bit sorry for the dude I draw to spar with in the morning, he's in for an ugly surprise, but I gotta work some **** out.
I am going to sleep tonight again on the tile floor, where I would have kept vigil with her as I planned, maybe she will sense me, and forgive me for abandoning her in her time of greatest need. I know that sounds stupid, but it might put my mind a little at rest.
Tomorrow I will find a nice sunny spot in the yard, and bury her. She had a thing for catching moths, I'm going to buy a solar light to put there so she will never be lacking for things to chase in the evening.
Oh sweetie. That doesn't mean she suffered. That "grimace" is what happens when rigor mortis sets in. It often looks far worse than what really happened. Please don't do this to yourself. She would not want this to be happening. She'd want you to look back on all the really great times that you shared. All the times she did something silly that made you laugh,all the times you held her, all the times she snuggled with you.Thank you all for your beautiful words. Thank you for caring.
Unfortunately, there is no doubt about what happened. The position she was in when I found her was truly horrific. I wrapped her in a towel because I couldn't bear to see her anymore, frozen in agony. When I disentangled her she was so light, like she was made out of paper. The irony of it is shocking; everything I did to try and make the transition as peaceful and dignified as possible culminates in her slow, frightening and painful death. I must own that, whether I want to or not.
I am ok. And I am most definitely not ok. I feel a bit sorry for the dude I draw to spar with in the morning, he's in for an ugly surprise, but I gotta work some **** out.
I am going to sleep tonight again on the tile floor, where I would have kept vigil with her as I planned, maybe she will sense me, and forgive me for abandoning her in her time of greatest need. I know that sounds stupid, but it might put my mind a little at rest.
Tomorrow I will find a nice sunny spot in the yard, and bury her. She had a thing for catching moths, I'm going to buy a solar light to put there so she will never be lacking for things to chase in the evening.