- Joined
- Mar 25, 2015
- Messages
- 15
- Purraise
- 5
It has been just over 3 weeks since I put my 20 year old beautiful Kitty down. Some, most days, I have been OK, not crying, not really thinking about it...because if I do I panic and get sad.
Yesterday and today have hit like a load of bricks. There is this gloom that lays over me, like a heavy weight. I had THE WORST dream of her last night...just that she was still alive, but I had also put her down. And so in the dream I was missing her desperately and so sad, yet she was still there as if I had done nothing. I pet her and loved her and we played and yet I was so upset cause I had put her down even though I was playing with her. Weird I know. But I woke up so sad. So distraught. I was SO REAL, like deja vu...everything we did actually did happen in real life.
I feel a different grief....like I cannot explain, its deeper. I was in Whole Foods and felt so LOW, like depression krept over me. A gloom cloud.
I miss her, I terminated the love of my life, 20 years of my 33 year life, I got rid of that friend and that love, and I dream of her...or I hear her meow in my dreams - like a loud meow.
I still cannot look at the spot in my bedroom where she slept all her life. I still cannot look at pictures of her. When I think I can I quickly put it away because I feel a doom.Just wanted to share...it is because it has come on so strong...the sadness and gloom is so heavy...3 weeks later. Such a huge void in my life omg. It was her and I....now its just me...ugh. Im sorry Kitty and I love you so much, more today than ever.
Yesterday and today have hit like a load of bricks. There is this gloom that lays over me, like a heavy weight. I had THE WORST dream of her last night...just that she was still alive, but I had also put her down. And so in the dream I was missing her desperately and so sad, yet she was still there as if I had done nothing. I pet her and loved her and we played and yet I was so upset cause I had put her down even though I was playing with her. Weird I know. But I woke up so sad. So distraught. I was SO REAL, like deja vu...everything we did actually did happen in real life.
I feel a different grief....like I cannot explain, its deeper. I was in Whole Foods and felt so LOW, like depression krept over me. A gloom cloud.
I miss her, I terminated the love of my life, 20 years of my 33 year life, I got rid of that friend and that love, and I dream of her...or I hear her meow in my dreams - like a loud meow.
I still cannot look at the spot in my bedroom where she slept all her life. I still cannot look at pictures of her. When I think I can I quickly put it away because I feel a doom.Just wanted to share...it is because it has come on so strong...the sadness and gloom is so heavy...3 weeks later. Such a huge void in my life omg. It was her and I....now its just me...ugh. Im sorry Kitty and I love you so much, more today than ever.