Dominant kitten issue

[Symple]

Hello,
I adopted two 7-month old kittens on March 12th this year - one male and one female. The shelter has a requirement for adopting 2 cats together if they're young. They're not bonded or litter mates. They're not aggressive to one another, but they hardly play with each other. I have bought everything double (litter box, beds etc.) so they don't compete. The issue is, my male cat won't let the female cat eat or play. When we're playing with both together, the male is always grabbing the toy and female gets insecure and stops playing. Similarly while eating, the male will leave his food bowl and start eating from female's bowl. When this happens, female stops eating and looks depressed. I've started hand feeding the female so she can eat, and to boost her confidence. The male will still barge in when I'm feeding the female even when his tummy is full. He ends up overeating. Any ideas how to stop this behavior?

Forgot to mention both are spayed/neutered and vaccinated. I'm using multicat Feliway as well, which helped with male kitten's aggression. But he competes with the baby girl which is out of control.
Thank you!

 

[Furballsmom]

Any ideas how to stop this behavior?

You'll need to play with him (and her) separately a lot to wear him out if possible. See if you can get toys just for her and keep those somewhere he can't get to them. Stop him, even to the point of picking him up and containing him elsewhere even if he screams about it, while she's eating. He's neutered, right--just over exuberant and bossy?

Hopefully as she continues to grow, and with your help, she'll become more confident

 

[Symple]

Yes he is

You'll need to play with him (and her) separately a lot to wear him out if possible. See if you can get toys just for her and keep those somewhere he can't get to them. Stop him, even to the point of picking him up and containing him elsewhere even if he screams about it, while she's eating. He's neutered, right--just over exuberant and bossy?

Hopefully as she continues to grow, and with your help, she'll become more confident

yes he is neutered. Bossy - not so much. I’d say he’s like a very annoying little brother who wants to get everything his sister has. I try to distract him and give him food where he can sit very close and eat. I’m afraid my girl will just walk away if she sees me struggle with him (picking him up etc). She’s very mood driven and I try to make it as much effortless as I can. I’m trying to play with them separately. When he realizes I’m playing with the girl using a different toy, he will leave his own game and barge into hers haha. He’s just very very persistent and sometimes I feel like I’m losing it. This is my first time having cats, so I try to be very careful in handling them. Thank you so much for your suggestions!

 

[Furballsmom]

I’m afraid my girl will just walk away

Probably not. In any case I would strongly suggest to weigh her so that you can be right on top of it if she isn't gaining as she should be. She needs to eat quite a lot of food until past her first year.

Even if you live in a small apartment, try containing him in a different room even if it's the bathroom for short periods of time, both so she can eat, and so you can play with her on her own.

 

[Symple]

Probably not. In any case I would strongly suggest to weigh her so that you can be right on top of it if she isn't gaining as she should be. She needs to eat quite a lot of food until past her first year.

Even if you live in a small apartment, try containing him in a different room even if it's the bathroom for short periods of time, both so she can eat, and so you can play with her on her own.

I’ll definitely try this. Thank you! I’ll be more purrsistent.

 

[Furballsmom]

Let us know how things go with your furry little crew

 

[ArtNJ]

Kittens are supposed to on unlimited grazing for food until one year old, so the older one can't guard the dish forever! And if there is always food there, the perceived need for guarding should diminish. When should I stop feeding my kitten unlimited food?

 

[danteshuman]

Do 2 bowls in 2 different rooms and let the bowl always be full. You should be able to move the bowls in the same room once the older cat stops guarding the food for a month or two.

 

[BoaztheAdventureCat]

Kittens are supposed to on unlimited grazing for food until one year old, so the older one can't guard the dish forever! And if there is always food there, the perceived need for guarding should diminish. When should I stop feeding my kitten unlimited food?

Free-feeding is very bad for cats. Not only is kibble the worst food you could feed to a cat, but free-feeding goes against a cat's nature to want to work for its food. I've seen first-hand the harmful effects of free-feeding cats. They become picky eaters because they're bored with the food. Flavor doesn't matter; the food will always be there.

If you received a stimulus check from the government every month so you wouldn't have to work, how would you feel? Most people would likely feel sad, bored, or useless. Our jobs are not just about earning money for ourselves; they're about helping us to feel good about fulfilling one of the purposes for which we were created.

 

[BoaztheAdventureCat]

Hello,
I adopted two 7-month old kittens on March 12th this year - one male and one female. The shelter has a requirement for adopting 2 cats together if they're young. They're not bonded or litter mates. They're not aggressive to one another, but they hardly play with each other. I have bought everything double (litter box, beds etc.) so they don't compete. The issue is, my male cat won't let the female cat eat or play. When we're playing with both together, the male is always grabbing the toy and female gets insecure and stops playing. Similarly while eating, the male will leave his food bowl and start eating from female's bowl. When this happens, female stops eating and looks depressed. I've started hand feeding the female so she can eat, and to boost her confidence. The male will still barge in when I'm feeding the female even when his tummy is full. He ends up overeating. Any ideas how to stop this behavior?

Forgot to mention both are spayed/neutered and vaccinated. I'm using multicat Feliway as well, which helped with male kitten's aggression. But he competes with the baby girl which is out of control.
Thank you!

Hey, I'm curious- Did the cats you adopted know each other before you adopted them? Or did you pick them from two separate kennels and put them together immediately?

If they weren't already together when you got them, and you put them together right away, I wonder if this may be part of the reason why your male cat is so pushy and dominant?

My family put our 2 new kittens together with our resident kitten immediately. I now know that was a BAD IDEA. They SEEMED to get along well initially, but we had forced 2 kittens to live with a kitten that was a complete stranger without a gradual introduction first.

 

[danteshuman]

Free-feeding is very bad for cats. Not only is kibble the worst food you could feed to a cat, but free-feeding goes against a cat's nature to want to work for its food. I've seen first-hand the harmful effects of free-feeding cats. They become picky eaters because they're bored with the food. Flavor doesn't matter; the food will always be there.

If you received a stimulus check from the government every month so you wouldn't have to work, how would you feel? Most people would likely feel sad, bored, or useless. Our jobs are not just about earning money for ourselves; they're about helping us to feel good about fulfilling one of the purposes for which we were created.

I never had an obese cat from free feeding dry food. Also atm I’m having trouble with my cat because I can’t find the wet foods he likes do to transportation issues in the USA! So my picky eater is down to 3 wet food meals a day and may be reduced to 2. (1/2 of a 3oz can for his meals.) I always kept a small bowl of dry food for him but lately I’m thinking of getting him a big bowl in case something happens to me. (poor health) Lastly dry food is cheaper & some people can only afford the dry food. I have known cats that lived 18-22 years eating mostly dry food like Science Diet. So I’m not going to hate on a good dry food.

 

[Symple]

Hey, I'm curious- Did the cats you adopted know each other before you adopted them? Or did you pick them from two separate kennels and put them together immediately?

If they weren't already together when you got them, and you put them together right away, I wonder if this may be part of the reason why your male cat is so pushy and dominant?

My family put our 2 new kittens together with our resident kitten immediately. I now know that was a BAD IDEA. They SEEMED to get along well initially, but we had forced 2 kittens to live with a kitten that was a complete stranger without a gradual introduction first.

I think that’s what went wrong with them. They belonged to the same rescue team but were living at two different locations. The rescue team said they’d be “compatible” when I asked, because that was my biggest concern. I didn’t think about introducing them gradually, and I also live in a one bedroom apartment, so there’s not much space to separate them. In the beginning they seemed to be okay although they didn’t interact much. Afterwards the male cat started attacking the female whenever she sat in my bed or came close to me. My vet suggested to use Feliway diffuser, which helped with the aggression. But the male is still too nosy and pushy.

 

[mani]

Free-feeding is very bad for cats. Not only is kibble the worst food you could feed to a cat, but free-feeding goes against a cat's nature to want to work for its food. I've seen first-hand the harmful effects of free-feeding cats. They become picky eaters because they're bored with the food. Flavor doesn't matter; the food will always be there.

If you received a stimulus check from the government every month so you wouldn't have to work, how would you feel? Most people would likely feel sad, bored, or useless. Our jobs are not just about earning money for ourselves; they're about helping us to feel good about fulfilling one of the purposes for which we were created.

I'm a little bemused by the stimulus check analogy, but regarding free feeding, these are kittens and, as others have said, they need access to food.

Symple my boy and girl dynamic is similar. I have one of these for the girl so that I'm sure she always has access to food:

The SureFeed Microchip Pet Feeder from Sure Petcare

A cat feeder that will only open for the right cat’s microchip to stop other pets stealing their food. Stop pets overeating and keep prescription food separate.

www.surepetcare.com

They're expensive and take a while to train a cat to use, although I think kittens would be less wary. They are microchip activated. I wouldn't go to the bother if you think this is a transient thing, but if you think it's likely to be an ongoing issue, it's worth considering.
I've had mine for many years; the batteries last a long time and it's still doing the job.

 

[danteshuman]

I will add that I raised 3 kittens from 4 weeks old, 2 boys and 1 girl. The boys want to play rough/play fight/ wrestlemania and the girl wants to play hide and seek/tag. If one of the boys gets bored (or rained in) they go bug their sister! At least my boy only visits on the weekend and my mom has a nice big house for the other two. So if a boy is bugging their little sis, we can pull out hexabugs or give Cami some decompression time in a room for 30-60 minutes and use a wand toy with the boys (& then Cami.)

I have no idea what that shelter was thinking! Unless they were a bonded pair or kittens that were only 12 weeks old AND the same gender; I would never ever have advised you to adopt 2 cats into a studio apartment! I hope you write to them so they can train their adoption counselors better!

I might consider making the bathroom a place where you can stick a cat for a half hour max (litter box, water, maybe food, some toys & a bed) or buying a giagantic dog crate with a blanket draped over the crate or 9/10’s of the crate ..... with the same cat room amenities. That way your girl can calm down away from her brother (where he can’t get her) and you can distract your boy with vigorous play. Get him to jump, climb up & down furniture/cat trees and do the whole boil/simmer thing.

lots of cat shelves and cat trees and if you can a cat super highway in your apartment can solve a lot of behavior problems. If space is tight I would get the cat tree that attaches to the door and 1-2 of those cat trees with a pole that presses up against your ceiling and a very long cat shelf (or any long shelf that will hold 50 pounds or even cheap small shelves if each one will support a cat.)

How the boys play and how the girl wants to play..... in this case hiding in the tree. The boys love each other and believe it or not they like their sister to. The sister will sleep by them or hang out with them sometimes. All 3 of them hang out by, sleep next to & eat next to each other ... the boys are just a bonded pair, always have been.

 

[ArtNJ]

I think that’s what went wrong with them. They belonged to the same rescue team but were living at two different locations. The rescue team said they’d be “compatible” when I asked, because that was my biggest concern. I didn’t think about introducing them gradually, and I also live in a one bedroom apartment, so there’s not much space to separate them. In the beginning they seemed to be okay although they didn’t interact much. Afterwards the male cat started attacking the female whenever she sat in my bed or came close to me. My vet suggested to use Feliway diffuser, which helped with the aggression. But the male is still too nosy and pushy.

Nah, cats this young almost always become good friends even if they aren't related. Cats this young are compatible by default, so the rescue team didn't tell you anything wrong. If you have a rare situation here, and I didn't re-read the thread, then thats just bad luck.

 

[danteshuman]

Sorry I misread it for studio. If you have 1 bedroom you can try doing slow introductions and site swapping. Hopefully catifying and giving her breaks from him will help.

These little mice are great distractions. Yes bugging a smaller cat is fun but chasing 1-2 hexabug mice is even better.

 

[Symple]

Sorry I misread it for studio. If you have 1 bedroom you can try doing slow introductions and site swapping. Hopefully catifying and giving her breaks from him will help.

These little mice are great distractions. Yes bugging a smaller cat is fun but chasing 1-2 hexabug mice is even better.

Thank you for your suggestions! Neither of them want to stay confined in one part of the apartment anymore, they keep running around. My girl doesn’t like closed doors at all. It’s been 1.5 months since I got them, so maybe slow introduction isn’t an option anymore. I’ll definitely try the mice, they look so cute!

 

[Symple]

I will add that I raised 3 kittens from 4 weeks old, 2 boys and 1 girl. The boys want to play rough/play fight/ wrestlemania and the girl wants to play hide and seek/tag. If one of the boys gets bored (or rained in) they go bug their sister! At least my boy only visits on the weekend and my mom has a nice big house for the other two. So if a boy is bugging their little sis, we can pull out hexabugs or give Cami some decompression time in a room for 30-60 minutes and use a wand toy with the boys (& then Cami.)

I have no idea what that shelter was thinking! Unless they were a bonded pair or kittens that were only 12 weeks old AND the same gender; I would never ever have advised you to adopt 2 cats into a studio apartment! I hope you write to them so they can train their adoption counselors better!

I might consider making the bathroom a place where you can stick a cat for a half hour max (litter box, water, maybe food, some toys & a bed) or buying a giagantic dog crate with a blanket draped over the crate or 9/10’s of the crate ..... with the same cat room amenities. That way your girl can calm down away from her brother (where he can’t get her) and you can distract your boy with vigorous play. Get him to jump, climb up & down furniture/cat trees and do the whole boil/simmer thing.

lots of cat shelves and cat trees and if you can a cat super highway in your apartment can solve a lot of behavior problems. If space is tight I would get the cat tree that attaches to the door and 1-2 of those cat trees with a pole that presses up against your ceiling and a very long cat shelf (or any long shelf that will hold 50 pounds or even cheap small shelves if each one will support a cat.)

How the boys play and how the girl wants to play..... in this case hiding in the tree. The boys love each other and believe it or not they like their sister to. The sister will sleep by them or hang out with them sometimes. All 3 of them hang out by, sleep next to & eat next to each other ... the boys are just a bonded pair, always have been.

Your kitties are so precious! yeah I can definitely relate to the difference in their play styles. The girl is more into interesting playing techniques and boy will just jump on anything and start biting it haha.
I got a cat tree for them and made sure it has 2 beds. Since I’m planning to move soon, I’m holding off on buying more stuff for now. I’m looking forward to making the cat super highway where I move to.
About the shelter, they require you to adopt any 2 cats together if they’re young. I don’t know if It’s necessary because most cats do well being the only cat in households. And since I work from home, there wouldn’t be a separation anxiety issue. They didn’t even make the effort to introduce the 2 kittens before I brought them home. My home is where they met each other which makes me mad about the shelter authority.