Does anyone feel guilty getting a new kitten after the loss of a cat?

[Meg142!]

Hello, I wasn't sure which thread to post this in.

About two months ago, I lost my 4 year old cat to PKD, I only had her for about a year before she was diagnosed. Recently, I've really been craving the companionship of another cat. I'm moving away from home in a few weeks and I knew that the company of a cat would help the move seem less stressful. so I started to look at kittens near me, and when I found one I liked, I was told that day that I would need to act quickly because lot of people were also interested in that cat. So i filled out an application. When I learned I was approved to get him, I was excited at first but then instantly almost regretted it. I decided that it wasn't because I made a "rash" decision, but that a felt kind of guilty that I decided to get a cat so early on. I was also worried about what my family would say and didn't want to be judged for getting another one so soon (obviously a stupid reason to regret giving a kitten a home.)

Has anyone else felt guilty after adopting another cat? And if so, how long did it take for you to get over those feelings?

 

[LTS3]

The was a recent thread discussing something similar:

Is it possible I grieved my cat's passing before she was even gone? And how soon is too soon for another cat?

Hello all, I wasn't sure which thread to put this in. My poor, sweet, Fiona was put down two weeks ago due to PKD, a genetic kidney disorder. I'm just feeling a little strange because after she passed, I felt so strangely at peace. I think this is because I knew I would be putting her down at...

thecatsite.com

Some people get a new cat right away and move on. Others grieve for months, years even, before they feel ready to get another cat. Fostering a cat on occasion may help you decide when you are ready for your own cat.

 

[klunick]

We lost our 16 year old cats in February and May of this year. We got our kittens about two weeks after the second one died. We missed having cats in the house but by no means were we looking to get more so soon. Fate had other plans.

I did feel strange/upset about getting Boone and Gracie so soon after our female's death but it ended being the best decision. The kittens filled the void in the home and the hole in our hearts.

If you do get the kitten, don't feel like you are replacing the other one. You are just giving the new one the love it deserves and the healing your heart needs.

 

[Norachan]

There are so many cats and kittens in shelters, waiting desperately for a loving home. I think giving a home to another cat is the best thing anyone could ever do in their cat's memory.

No one can ever replace the cat you lost, but you're making sure another cat is lucky enough to get all the love and attention they deserve. There's no need to feel guilty about that.

 

[Kat0121]

There are so many cats and kittens in shelters, waiting desperately for a loving home. I think giving a home to another cat is the best thing anyone could ever do in their cat's memory.

No one can ever replace the cat you lost, but you're making sure another cat is lucky enough to get all the love and attention they deserve. There's no need to feel guilty about that.

I agree. Giving another cat a loving home never takes away what you had and always will have with those who have gone to the bridge. It only honors their memory. It is normal to feel guilty but their places in our hearts are forever as ours are in theirs. I really think that they help guide us to the cat who needs us most when the time is right. Follow your heart.

 

[gilmargl]

I've always felt guilty when a cat died - whether it was my favorite pet, the rather-difficult number 2 or even a stray I'd taken on knowing he was unlikely to live for more than six weeks anyway. Perhaps I should have loved him more, not complained so much about washing the torn up pieces of sheets she preferred to use instead of the litter box, not let her out of the house to get hit by a car...... And then, should I get another cat? Is that just plain selfish?

I have met many people unsure about "replacing" a pet. They cry in my cat room while trying to decide what to do. a woman who lost her cat to cancer; a pair whose beloved ginger tom couldn't be saved. I don't put pressure on them to take on a new cat. They visit me three or 4 times before making a decision. Sometimes they bring a friend and spend hours in my cat room talking about the departed cat and watching or playing with the kittens or the abandoned cat I am looking after. I advise them to look around the local cat shelters, avoid the internet and take their time.

So far, I (and my cats) have been lucky. Those who took on one or two of "my" cats still keep in touch. The "new" ginger tom has turned out to be amazing - he goes on holiday twice a year with his new owners and doesn't get lost near his temporary homes. His owners keep thanking me for giving them this wonderful cat but I do worry that they will expect me to do the same again one day, Charlie was not a young cat nearly 5 years ago! The tears were hard to bear then - please not again!

My advice is: take your time, don't let anyone force you to make an on-the-spot decision. It is lovely to come home to a cat - so there's no need to feel guilty about it. Just take your time to decide who you would like to come home to.

 

[Winchester]

When Pita died, Rick and I went right out (the same day) and brought Banshee (The Queen B) home as a wee kitten. Yes, I felt bad about Pita, but I needed to hold, to feel, to touch. Somehow, even as a kitten, Banshee knew I needed her. That night she slept in my arms, and, the next morning, when I awakened, she was still there.

When Banshee died, Rick and my brother were afraid I would have a nervous breakdown. I was completely distraught. No cat could ever take her place. And I waited quite a while. And then, one night, we took Boo and Pepe down to the vet for check-ups and it just so happened that there were kittens there, about 3 weeks old. The receptionist knew about The Queen B and she knew I was still in a bad place. And that's how Mollipop came into my life. And knowing how Banshee was in life, she was probably thrilled when Mollipop came home....The Queen B was just that kind of baby girl.

Yes, you can feel guilty. But you also need to know that you are not replacing your baby. No cat can ever replace her or him. And never look at it that way. Your heart is big and there's enough room there to love another little boy or girl. And I think that sometimes the very best way to honor a kitty who's gone is to pour your love and attention into another kitty.

 

[Rowen]

My cat Gem died in August- I was in shock because when I took her to the vet I thought she had a respiratory infection, but it was a pleural effusion that she wouldnt recover from. She had been sick for over a year but I think I was in denial that she would ever die.I still wonder what I was thinking. I still talk to her every day, and have many framed pictures of her. I don't know if I will ever stop missing her. Before she died I said I would never be able to get another cat, and was so devastated after I couldnt think of it. A few weeks later I started looking at pictures of kittens on various local shelter websites, and we started talking about it, decided to get a kitten. We did get a beautiful little kitten Robin- who although doesnt look anything like Gem and isnt like her makes some of the same little noises when she plays, and I do accidently call her Gem sometimes. I did feel guilty at first, because we only waited a month- like I disrespected Gems death. Then I remembered when I got Gem I had lost my cat Weasel -who was a senior when I adopted him and felt the same. Gem was my first kitten - so I doubt if there will ever be a comparison, but I am so glad to have this new little life to raise and dont regret any of it. Of course I'm 13 1/2 years older so be prepared if you get a kitten! Luckily Im not working.

 

[BellaGooch]

Totally!
When I got Pants and his sister (not so much Eden), but mostly when I got Willow I felt immensely guilty! I wasn't' sure if I was ready for her. (although we had already taken her at this point.) I felt some regret, to be honest, and I felt very guilty. It had been well over a year when I got my new kitties, but I still didn't know if I was ready. I felt this way for about a week to a week and a half, probably.
However, that passed and now I am in love with my kitties. I'm praying for you that you feel better soon!

 

[MonaLyssa33]

I've done the quick adoption after the death of a beloved cat and I've waited to adopt too because I wanted to grieve longer. I don't regret either adoption or how I went about it. Each time I did what I needed at the time. If you think you are ready and want a new companion, then I think you should. If anyone judges you for that or makes you feel guilty, then they are crappy people. I did feel a little guilty because I worried that my late cats would think I was replacing them, but ultimately I just needed to realize that my current cats didn't replace my love for Willie (my late cat) and as cliche as it is to say, my heart grew to love them all.

 

[CatladyJan]

Hello, I wasn't sure which thread to post this in.

About two months ago, I lost my 4 year old cat to PKD, I only had her for about a year before she was diagnosed. Recently, I've really been craving the companionship of another cat. I'm moving away from home in a few weeks and I knew that the company of a cat would help the move seem less stressful. so I started to look at kittens near me, and when I found one I liked, I was told that day that I would need to act quickly because lot of people were also interested in that cat. So i filled out an application. When I learned I was approved to get him, I was excited at first but then instantly almost regretted it. I decided that it wasn't because I made a "rash" decision, but that a felt kind of guilty that I decided to get a cat so early on. I was also worried about what my family would say and didn't want to be judged for getting another one so soon (obviously a stupid reason to regret giving a kitten a home.)

Has anyone else felt guilty after adopting another cat? And if so, how long did it take for you to get over those feelings?

I think it's only normal to feel guilty we are human. I never see it as replacing but welcoming a new family member especially when so many need loving companions.

 

[misty8723]

When we lost my heart kitty, Swanie, we went to look for another cat almost immediately because we wanted Cricket to have a companion. I was in no shape to get another cat just yet, but just because you lose one cat doesn't mean there isn't enough love in your heart for another one. We got Austin, a couple months after Swanie passed and, for me at first, it was mostly for Cricket, but I love that little guy and can't imagine life without him. I actually feel like Swanie and Cindy (our RB kitties) directed us to him, because there were issues and we looked at other cats and it took a while for him to get over a UTI and ear infection. But something kept drawing me back to Austin, and I have no regrets.

 

[Meg142!]

Thank you all for your kind words! I did end up getting another cat, a kitten this time around. I felt guilty all the way up until the moment I saw his sweet little face! He's been such a doll, yet very very different from adopting an adult cat like we've always done in the past, but lots of fun!

 

[CatladyJan]

Thank you all for your kind words! I did end up getting another cat, a kitten this time around. I felt guilty all the way up until the moment I saw his sweet little face! He's been such a doll, yet very very different from adopting an adult cat like we've always done in the past, but lots of fun!

Congratulations, hope to see photos soon!

 

[neely]

I have always said I needed time to grieve and don't want to rush into anything after the loss of one of our cats. But once a few months go by I cannot stand living without a cat in the house, e.g. no purring, no food and water bowl to fill, no new cat toys to buy, no meowing and, most of all, no furry companion to sleep with at night.

Congratulations on your new kitten. What did you name him? If you have a chance please feel free to post a pic or two.