Does a Cat Remember Being Terrorized?

[kilroywashere21]

I posted something similar to this yesterday but I don’t know what happened to it.

My sister who goes to college has a cat named Daisy. Last summer they both stayed at my parent’s house.

I have bipolar disorder, which makes me susceptible to manic episodes and poor decision making. One afternoon it was just me and Daisy in the house and I got the urge to terrorize her. First I splashed water on her. Not satisfied, I found a NERF pistol and shot darts at Daisy. Daisy went into my sister’s closet to hide but it didn’t take me long to find her. I pointed the laser attached to the pistol directly at Daisy’s face, causing her to hiss. I then shot her with another dart.

I regret what I did. Really, I do. I feel embarrassed about it and you guys have every right to be angry with me.

With COVID-19 shutting campuses down, my sister and Daisy are back at my parent’s house. Whenever I try to pet Daisy she hisses and swats at me. I think she remembers what I did to her and feels threatened by my presence. But my sister doesn’t know about the incident and she thinks that Daisy’s not being nice.

I’ve been meaning to tell my sister about what happened but she’ll be furious. Daisy is her emotional support animal. She had to get special permission just to keep Daisy on campus.

 

[susanm9006]

Yes, cats do have a memory of someone terrifying them or hurting them. This cat will, and rightly so, not want anything to do with you. If you ignore her and of course leave her alone then over time she may become more trusting of you. I definitely think you need to explain what you did to your sister, apologize for hurting her and her cat and promise to never ever do something like,that again.

Even with bipolar disease you do have control of your actions when it comes to purposefully hurting animals or people . I hope that you have also discussed this incident with your therapist .

 

[Jcatbird]

I agree with the previous post. I know bipolar issues can cause many difficulties but please do try to open up to your sister. She needs to understand why Daisy is acting that way in order to be able to deal with her kittys reactions properly. I’m sure your sister cares about the problems you face and will be understanding. Love is a great healing tool.

 

[gilmargl]

To answer vour question, although cats probabably don't remember things in detail - the way we would - I am sure they do not forget bad experiences connected with certain sounds, places or even certain people. So Daisy may not remember the dreadful way you treated her, but she will know that there is something about you, which should be feared.

I feel very sorry for Daisy, for your sister and also for you.

You will need a lot of courage to own up and tell your sister why Daisy hates you. But, please admit to torturing her cat, even if you don't tell your sister all the dreadful details.

Keep away from Daisy. Don't even look at her and she may eventually be able to ignore your presence. It will take time - but please, never do such things to a helpless animal again.

 

[fionasmom]

You have been very honest to come forward with this. You are certainly fighting your own battles with your bipolar disorder. I agree with the others. Completely avoid the cat and give her a lot of space, maybe try not to cross her path. Your sister does need to know what happened so that this does not spin further out of control as she continues to think that the cat is misbehaving.

 

[Caspers Human]

If you harass a cat once, it will remember for a while but, if you don't do it again, the cat will forgive you.
Just chill and leave the cat alone for a while and everything will return to normal after a while.

If you harass a cat a second time, it will mark you as a mean person and will walk a wide circle around you but, if you leave it alone, you can eventually learn to be friends again but it will be like starting over from scratch.

If you do it a third time, the cat will, pretty much, write you off as persona non grata. It will be a long time before you will have the chance to make up and be friends again.

It also depends on the cat. Some cats like to play rough or play chase games. Most cats don't.
If your cat likes to play like that, maybe it won't even think anything bad happened at all.
But I don't know your cat and, like I said, most cats don't like to play rough.

The best course of action is to leave the cat completely alone for a while. Maybe you can pet her gently if she'll come near but let it be the cat's decision. Give her some of her favorite treats and, maybe, you can be the one who puts her food out for a while.

Mainly, just leave the cat alone for a few days to a week. If this is just a one-off event, things will come around again.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Yes, they do remember. Yes, you MUST tell your sister, who is worried that a cat that means so much to her is acting out-of-character.

You may be able to be friends with this cat, eventually. Follow the suggestions above. And if your manic episodes are that poorly controlled, I would also recommend that you have a long talk with your doctor, explain to him/her exactly what you told us, and ask if a change in medications might help with your lack of impulse control. Both you and the cat will be better for it...and anyone else you come into contact with, as well. I am more than familiar with bipolar disorder, having worked in a mental hospital for years. One other thing I would suggest is, until you have addressed the issues with your doctor, make sure you are not alone with this cat again. THAT is well within your ability to control.

 

[Caspers Human]

In response to what @ Mamanyt1953 says, maybe it would help if you thought about why you singled out the cat during your manic episode. Did the cat symbolize something that made you spin out? Was the cat just an easy target for your aggressive feelings?

If the cat reminded you of something that made you angry, it might be natural to lash out at that thing, within certain limits, but it's NOT okay to lash out at an innocent animal. If you used the cat as a scapegoat, you need to learn to focus on the things that make you upset, not on tangential things.

I know that, when a person goes manic, it just feels "good" to "let loose" on people and things around you but it's important to learn how to use that feeling of wanting to let loose as a warning that it's time to disengage from the feelings that make us want to "turn to the dark side."

It's not something a person "just does." It's a learning process. We take what we learned from previous situations and try to put it to use the next time things go wrong. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes time, effort and practice.

It's not something just for bipolar people, either. It's something that EVERYBODY should practice.
The only difference is that it is harder for some people to put theory into practice than it is for others.

The next time you feel like you are "coming unglued" try to remember this episode with your cat and how you felt afterward when you realized the negative results of your actions.

It sounds, to me, like you are working your program so, in this case, we might just say, "Live and let live."

 

[kilroywashere21]

UPDATE:

I eventually mustered up the strength to tell my sister what I did to Daisy. It took me a couple of days though. But I didn’t go too deep into detail. I only mentioned pouring water on her and shooting her with a NERF gun. I didn’t mention the laser bit.

She’s not mad at me because she’s used to my mental illness.

But I do feel better now that I told her.

 

[Caspers Human]

You don't need to give a lot of detail. It's not necessary and it will cause more stress and anger when you do. It's not important to give a complete rundown of the whole incident.

The important things are that you came clean, admitted your transgressions and learned something from it.

From personal experience, I'd say that the worst part of bad situations like this is holding things in. Getting things out in the open leads to healing. Keeping secrets often leads down the path to the Dark Side.

You did good!

How's the kitty doing? By now, she should be calming down.