I just spoke with my little sister and she's finally gotten to the age of boys. My step dad, her dad, is.....how do I put this nicely.....a control freak. When I was growing up, I'm 21 now, he would only allow me to be on the computer an hour everyday. During that hour I would write emails to friends and family and talk to people on msn. He would stand over my shoulder and read everything! It drove me crazy and I felt so trapped. I couldn't even privately send an email to a grandparent.
Now that my sister is of age, she's learning what it's like to have him as a dad. She calls me a lot about the problems she has with him. She called me today joking, but not really, that she's expected to not have any friends.
She was also telling me about Dad reading over her shoulder and now he's threatening to get some spy ware stuff to read her msn conversations.
IMO I think you should trust your kids and let them be people. Yes, there is a time and place to step in, but you can't be so controlling. Sometimes I think I was ruined and destined to fail moving off to college because I was living in such a controlled environment. I hardly went out with friends because my Dad would drill me about EVERYTHING that happened. He wouldn't just accuse me of doing things, he would TELL me I did bad things when I was out with my friends!
I had a TERRIBLE first semester and did a lot of partying and a lot of skipping class, among other things I regret. Now that I'm in my third year of college and out of the partying faze, I've gone back to being a hermit crab with no friends. I'm 100% honest when I say my SO is my best friend and my only other friends are on TCS! I just can't bring myself to make friends and want to hang out with them rather than stay at home. And yes I know...that's not healthy.
Now that my sister is of age, she's learning what it's like to have him as a dad. She calls me a lot about the problems she has with him. She called me today joking, but not really, that she's expected to not have any friends.
She was also telling me about Dad reading over her shoulder and now he's threatening to get some spy ware stuff to read her msn conversations.
IMO I think you should trust your kids and let them be people. Yes, there is a time and place to step in, but you can't be so controlling. Sometimes I think I was ruined and destined to fail moving off to college because I was living in such a controlled environment. I hardly went out with friends because my Dad would drill me about EVERYTHING that happened. He wouldn't just accuse me of doing things, he would TELL me I did bad things when I was out with my friends!
I had a TERRIBLE first semester and did a lot of partying and a lot of skipping class, among other things I regret. Now that I'm in my third year of college and out of the partying faze, I've gone back to being a hermit crab with no friends. I'm 100% honest when I say my SO is my best friend and my only other friends are on TCS! I just can't bring myself to make friends and want to hang out with them rather than stay at home. And yes I know...that's not healthy.