"do You Like Cats?" "i'm Allergic" "...... And?"

[Adelei]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I just want to rant a bit. The other day, I asked two girls/ladies if they liked cats and their immediate response, both of them, was "I'm allergic." I get that response from people all the time! Also, right now I'm living in China and finding someone to watch my cats when I return to America for breaks is challenging, to say the least. Again, a common response is "I'm allergic." (I'm talking about native English speakers here, Americans, British, Australian, etc.)

I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it annoys me to no end! I want to be like "... And?"

I'm super allergic to cats! I'm on the max amount of allergy medicine you can get, other than getting allergy shots. And I was getting those twice a week when I was in the US. I only stopped because I don't trust Chinese medicine (lots of counterfeits and not even sure if they do allergy shots here!) In addition to oral medication, nasal sprays and an inhaler, I also have to take migraine medication because of all the headaches I get from sinus pressure! And yet - I have 3 cats!

I feel like, you wouldn't get rid of your kid just because he brought too many colds home from preschool, so why would you get rid of your cat?

So when I ask people if they like cats and they immediately answer "I'm allergic", it just rubs me the wrong way! What does that have to do with anything?? I asked you if you LIKED cats, not if you are allergic to them! Do people think this is a polite way to get out of saying they don't like them?

Like I said, I know I shouldn't let it get to me. If I didn't like cats, I wouldn't want to put up with all the allergy related issues involved in having them. But I just wish people would say what they mean. It ticks me off SO much for them to act like being allergic answers everything, like obviously no one who's allergic can like cats and since I have cats, I must not really be allergic to them. They really do dismiss my allergies, as if their allergies are so much worse.

Does this bother anyone else or am I just crazy?

 

[Kieka]

As someone also allergic to cats yet I have them, I get where you are coming from but.....

In most people's minds they are allergic to something so they don't have a personal like or dislike because they can't be around it. When you are talking life threatening allergies it would be akin to asking someone who has never been to the ocean if they like swimming in the ocean. For example, my Dad is lactose intolerant so if you ask him if he likes cheese his answer is "I am lactose intolerant" because he can't eat it. It doesn't matter if he likes or dislikes it. An answer of "I love cheese" or "I hate cheese" then opens the conversation up to further items. Questions like why don't you like it? Because it makes me sick to eat it. Or what's your favorite? I don't know, I can't eat it. It's pointless for many people with allergies to talk about details around their allergy. So in many ways it ends the topic of conversation to just say they are allergic and move on to another subject.

I know I tend to tell people I like cats but I am allergic in conversation. But it also depends on the conversation. If I am making plans to visit someone and they ask if I like cats, I automatically say I am allergic. Because generally speaking they are asking because they have them. While I take allergy medicine on a daily basis I have a tolerance to my cats built up. Other cats I can only be around for maybe 30 minutes before I start having breathing problems. If I plan it right and am careful I can last longer but it takes planning. I love my cats and am willing to tolerate the side effects but I am not doing it for other random cats all the time.

I was at the airport recently and someone tried to sit their dog on the seat next to me in the waiting area, my reaction? "Please move your dog, I am allergic to him." It doesn't matter what my personal feelings about dogs are in that situation. I am allergic and him being in the seat next to me will cause me problems. I deal with dogs in my general area in public all the time, but confined space and nervous shedding wasn't a good idea. I even popped some Benadryl before the flight even though we were in separate sections of the plane and turned off my overhead air vent to be safe.

 

[Adelei]

As someone also allergic to cats yet I have them, I get where you are coming from but.....

In most people's minds they are allergic to something so they don't have a personal like or dislike because they can't be around it. When you are talking life threatening allergies it would be akin to asking someone who has never been to the ocean if they like swimming in the ocean. For example, my Dad is lactose intolerant so if you ask him if he likes cheese his answer is "I am lactose intolerant" because he can't eat it. It doesn't matter if he likes or dislikes it. An answer of "I love cheese" or "I hate cheese" then opens the conversation up to further items. Questions like why don't you like it? Because it makes me sick to eat it. Or what's your favorite? I don't know, I can't eat it. It's pointless for many people with allergies to talk about details around their allergy. So in many ways it ends the topic of conversation to just say they are allergic and move on to another subject.

I know I tend to tell people I like cats but I am allergic in conversation. But it also depends on the conversation. If I am making plans to visit someone and they ask if I like cats, I automatically say I am allergic. Because generally speaking they are asking because they have them. While I take allergy medicine on a daily basis I have a tolerance to my cats built up. Other cats I can only be around for maybe 30 minutes before I start having breathing problems. If I plan it right and am careful I can last longer but it takes planning. I love my cats and am willing to tolerate the side effects but I am not doing it for other random cats all the time.

I was at the airport recently and someone tried to sit their dog on the seat next to me in the waiting area, my reaction? "Please move your dog, I am allergic to him." It doesn't matter what my personal feelings about dogs are in that situation. I am allergic and him being in the seat next to me will cause me problems. I deal with dogs in my general area in public all the time, but confined space and nervous shedding wasn't a good idea. I even popped some Benadryl before the flight even though we were in separate sections of the plane and turned off my overhead air vent to be safe.

It's funny you should mention cheese, because I'm allergic to cheese. I'm not lactose intolerant, I'm actually allergic (to the mold). When people like me if I like cheese, I don't say "I'm allergic." I say "No, I hate cheese", or something to that extent. If they ask why, then I tell them why - every time I eat cheese, I have such terrible stomach pain I think I'm dying and I vomit. It didn't take long, as a child, to start associating the taste of cheese with vomiting and thus, I now hate it. I never answer with a plain "I'm allergic." If I feel I'm at risk of offending someone then I'll give the backstory along with my "No", so they know I'm not just being rude when I'm avoiding their home cooked lasagna.

It just seems disingenuous to answer with "I'm allergic" when what you really mean is "no". I understand what you're saying, but I still don't agree. Being allergic to something doesn't preclude you from liking or disliking it - unless you're deathly allergic to something, you've likely experienced it at least a handful of times. I've eaten cheese enough to know I hate it. Peanut allergies run in my family, both my brother and cousin are allergic and that is certainly one of the deadlier allergies. If I were to ask someone if they liked peanuts and they respond "I'm allergic", I would completely understand that answer, because it's doubtful they've ever tasted enough peanuts to know whether they like or dislike the taste. But dogs and cats? That's not usually an allergy that kills people and certainly not as quickly or easily as a peanut allergy would. You don't hear of too many people going into anaphylactic shock simply by sitting next to someone with cat hair on their shirt.

Also, cats and dogs aren't something you have to physically experience to know if you like them - you can like them from afar. I mean, I like lions, despite the fact that I've never owned one or even been up close to one. If you were to ask me if I liked them, I could honestly answer "yes", but would I want to babysit your pet lion or even pet it? No, and I would tell you that. I like lions from afar. I don't necessarily want to be up close to one. So I don't see why someone couldn't say "I like cats, but I'm allergic, so I don't like to be around them." Or, if they honestly don't like them, just say "No, not really" and if pressed, then they can say why (allergies, if that's why).

If you're honestly deathly allergic to something and therefore have no idea if you like it or not, then I think "I'm allergic" is a perfectly reasonable way to answer a "Do you like..." question. But if you have managed to have enough experiences with a thing that you're allergic to to form an opinion (anyone with a TV has seen enough cats and dogs to form at least the start of an opinion), then saying "I'm allergic" as an alternative to "No" just seems rude to me.

 

[KarenKat]

I think the reason we all love cats is partly because you have to work for their affection a little more than other things. I like to call them fuzzy aliens, because unlike dogs cats don't work to speak "human" very much - we have to work to speak "cat". For this reason, there are avid - sometimes "crazy" - cat lovers out there. Since we had to work hard to understand and interact with kitties in order to be good guardians, we value their presence and weirdness in our lives more than if it came easy.

Now, for someone with very little experience interacting with cats, their alien-ness can be a little frightening. I grew up with dogs, and had almost no interaction with cats at all. The first time I held a cat - ever - was after college volunteering at an animal shelter. I was holding a kitten and nervously asked the shelter worker "what are their bad noises" - as in I had no idea what signals a cat might give to indicate it was unhappy, and I may not know if it was about to bite or scratch. I was kind of concerned and frightened at this alien being. If I were to add in a physical allergy that would at best make me uncomfortable and at worst cut off my air supply and I would have probably never held or been close to a cat.

So answering "I'm allergic" for some people is probably more of a way to say they haven't gotten past the initial barrier of understanding cats, and have not been able to make a determination.

Personally, I don't think it's necessarily a rude answer. Most people ask someone if they like cats for two reasons:
1. They have a cat and want to know if the person would like to meet it
2. They really like cats and would like to share the enjoyment.

Either way, saying that they dislike cats because they never got to know them is both a long answer and might offend the person asking. Saying "I'm allergic" both stops an invitation to meet the cat, and in just a few words implies that they have not had much experience getting to know them. Sure, it doesn't really answer the question, although I don't think it's overly rude. Sure, you can admire an animal from afar, but the questing of "liking" something to me implies a certain familiarity with it. They haven't even been on a date yet, how do they know if they like cats?

Sorry this was so long ^^

 

[DreamerRose]

My husband's family routinely said they were allergic to something when they didn't like it, so I am always skeptical when someone says that. When I first joined the family, they didn't have turkey for Thanksgiving because they said they were allergic to it, but I complained for years. What's Thanksgiving without turkey? Some years later, they did have turkey, and guess what, they weren't allergic at all. And it wasn't that they didn't like it, either; they just didn't want to cook it.

 

[Willowy]

My husband's family routinely said they were allergic to something when they didn't like it,

Heh, my grandma always said she was allergic to coconut, because she didn't like it. I told her she should just say she didn't like it. . .but I guess when she was young, most people weren't allowed to have preferences. So she said she was allergic, so she wouldn't get yelled at for not liking it :/.

So it may be similar for other people too---they think expressing a preference is rude, so they make up an allergy. Or if they're really allergic, they figure that ought to cover it.

Try asking the next person who says they're allergic why they word it that way. I'm sure they'll share.

 

[KarenKat]

I had a friend who told me she was allergic to broccoli. She wasn't, but said that if she told someone she didn't like it they would start to try to convince her to eat it, and give her recipes. She said it was too much effort to say she didn't like it, and she didn't get any questions if she said she was allergic.

Although lying about an allergy I would call rude.

 

[Willowy]

Although lying about an allergy I would call rude.

Yeah, but it's rudeness in response to worse rudeness (telling people they don't actually have that preference and trying to convince them otherwise), so I'm willing to say it's lower on the rudeness scale than, say, pressuring people to eat something they don't like (or be around animals they don't like).

 

[Kieka]

My niece was convinced by her Mom that she was allergic to grass. Her mom spent years telling her to wear pants at parks, not roll in grass, not mow the lawn, etc. All because I am legitimately allergic to grass and her Mom saw my legs one time after I sat on a lawn (you could see where each blade of grass touched me). Her Mom latched on to all my allergies over the years and told my niece she was allergic to many things. Now at 10 years old my niece finally had actual allergy testing, guess who isn't allergic to grass? What is she allergic to? Avacados and watermelon, two of the things her Mom never claimed.

My point being that some people are told they are allergic by parents so they avoid the item. They don't question it because their parents told them. They can even have "reactions" that are just their mind messing with them. My niece's mom told her to not risk grass contact because she could die if she wasn't careful.

 

[LTS3]

Lying about food allergies is rude and it's pretty common these days in restaurants. Here's one article about food allergy fakers: Why food allergy fakers need to stop - The Boston Globe

Don't like cats or are afraid of them because you simply don't know cat body language or how to approach one? That's not an allergy

 

[MeganLLB]

I know at least in Japanese culture, idk if it's the same in China, but people don't like to give direct answers when you ask for their opinion. I know you said you are talking to native English speakers, but I wonder if its just a cultural thing in China too? Like in Japan if you ask someone if they like something or want their opinion they are purposely vague and indirect.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I can't imagine being allergic to cheese! I love cheese.

I've been known in the past to say, I'm allergic to smart phones. I guess I should say, I hate them.

 

[Adelei]

I know at least in Japanese culture, idk if it's the same in China, but people don't like to give direct answers when you ask for their opinion. I know you said you are talking to native English speakers, but I wonder if its just a cultural thing in China too? Like in Japan if you ask someone if they like something or want their opinion they are purposely vague and indirect.

They are very vague and indirect in China in a lot of ways, but I've never had any of them tell me they're allergic to cats. (As a side note, most of them don't actually seem to understand allergies very well.) When I ask a Chinese person if they like cats, they're perfectly honest with me and will often tell me they're afraid of cats. I much prefer that to the "I'm allergic" Western person answer.

The thing is, whenever someone (back to Americans/British/Australian, etc.) people tell me they're allergic to cats, I always follow that up by saying that I, too, am allergic to cats. The conversation will always go one of two ways at that point. Either they completely dismiss the idea that I'm allergic to cats and act like if I were truly allergic, I couldn't have cats and definitely wouldn't like them OR they'll then reveal that they actually don't like cats, usually because of a childhood experience with a mean cat. Or it could be both happening - they hate cats AND I must not really be allergic. Either way, it really bothers me.

I wake up every morning with my nose pouring - I go through soooo many tissues. And this is WITH all my allergy meds! A lot of times I can sleep, because I'm coughing due to drainage. I have to take migraine medications because of the sinus pressure and even with the meds, I can't lay flat for too long or I get a migraine that won't go away all day. My eyes bother me a ton and I have to use eye drops. Etc. etc. etc. So I am truly allergic, I just happen to really love cats and so I'm willing to deal with it. I completely understand other people NOT being willing to deal with it - like I totally, completely understand that, because I love dogs from afar, but not enough to want to own one (for lots of reasons, I am also allergic to dogs, but it's more because I don't want the hassle of taking them outside several times a day and I feel like cats are cleaner, among other reasons). I guess it just bothers me to have people either use allergies as an excuse, when in reality they usually dislike cats for reasons other than allergies. And it bothers me to have them dismiss my allergies altogether.

 

[Adelei]

I can't imagine being allergic to cheese! I love cheese.

I've been known in the past to say, I'm allergic to smart phones. I guess I should say, I hate them.

Yeah, my dad, brother and sister all love it, like they'll just sit and eat cheese for breakfast... But my mom's side of the family have a lot of weird dairy allergies, so that's where I got it from. She can eat a little bit of cheese, more than me, but not a ton.

 

[KarenKat]

The thing is, whenever someone (back to Americans/British/Australian, etc.) people tell me they're allergic to cats, I always follow that up by saying that I, too, am allergic to cats. The conversation will always go one of two ways at that point. Either they completely dismiss the idea that I'm allergic to cats and act like if I were truly allergic, I couldn't have cats and definitely wouldn't like them OR they'll then reveal that they actually don't like cats, usually because of a childhood experience with a mean cat. Or it could be both happening - they hate cats AND I must not really be allergic. Either way, it really bothers me.

Thank makes more sense, I would find this a little rude. Especially dismissing your own allergies.

 

[1 bruce 1]

They are very vague and indirect in China in a lot of ways, but I've never had any of them tell me they're allergic to cats. (As a side note, most of them don't actually seem to understand allergies very well.) When I ask a Chinese person if they like cats, they're perfectly honest with me and will often tell me they're afraid of cats. I much prefer that to the "I'm allergic" Western person answer.

The thing is, whenever someone (back to Americans/British/Australian, etc.) people tell me they're allergic to cats, I always follow that up by saying that I, too, am allergic to cats. The conversation will always go one of two ways at that point. Either they completely dismiss the idea that I'm allergic to cats and act like if I were truly allergic, I couldn't have cats and definitely wouldn't like them OR they'll then reveal that they actually don't like cats, usually because of a childhood experience with a mean cat. Or it could be both happening - they hate cats AND I must not really be allergic. Either way, it really bothers me.

I wake up every morning with my nose pouring - I go through soooo many tissues. And this is WITH all my allergy meds! A lot of times I can sleep, because I'm coughing due to drainage. I have to take migraine medications because of the sinus pressure and even with the meds, I can't lay flat for too long or I get a migraine that won't go away all day. My eyes bother me a ton and I have to use eye drops. Etc. etc. etc. So I am truly allergic, I just happen to really love cats and so I'm willing to deal with it. I completely understand other people NOT being willing to deal with it - like I totally, completely understand that, because I love dogs from afar, but not enough to want to own one (for lots of reasons, I am also allergic to dogs, but it's more because I don't want the hassle of taking them outside several times a day and I feel like cats are cleaner, among other reasons). I guess it just bothers me to have people either use allergies as an excuse, when in reality they usually dislike cats for reasons other than allergies. And it bothers me to have them dismiss my allergies altogether.

We have a friend that's severely allergic to cats. They have several. This friend said that over the years of cat ownership the allergies have decreased drastically.
Our cats are much cleaner than our dogs (with a few exceptions of dogs with cleanliness that borders on prissy, LOL).
For instance, our cats will step around a large puddle of standing mud water, because they know walking through 5 inches of mud water is gross.
The dogs slop through it like it's not there, get covered from belly down, then immediately want to come inside, while heartily suggesting we invest in a brand new all white living room set.
Edit: Should probably add that the not-clean cats were usually kittens and enjoyed walking through water bowls or milk dishes, into the wet food, through the litter until they had little stink lines surrounding them. Also, some of them would find a hardy looking turd in the box, fling it onto the floor, then proceed to play Crap Hockey.