Do kittens become more affectionate with age?

[LeafyLizzie]

Hello all!

I have a 3 month old kitten. She is very very playful. We love to play with her, but it would be nice if sometimes she snuggled up with us and let us pet her or just hold her. She will let us carry her around the house, but once we sit down and try to just cuddle her and pet her, she squirms or starts biting and trying to get away. When we let her down, she without fail goes to her toys or playhouse and just wants to play. Is it just because she's so young and full of energy? As she gets older, will she be a bit more interested in cuddles and be bit more affectionate? Or is this just her personality? I've read conflicting things online, so I wanted to hear some of your thoughts. Do we have a cat who is just generally not interested in affection or is this something that's likely to change as she's older?

 

[Mr. Meow]

It's extremely likely that her personality will change as she grows, learns new things she likes, stops things she doesn't like etc. However, there's no way to predict what her personality will be when she's older.
She's basically a baby, learning about the world around her. Since she likes toys, it you become part of what makes the toys so fun (in her mind), then you may be able to influence her a tiny bit. Just try to make sure that every interaction she has with you is positive and the more likely it'll be that she enjoys you being around. If she doesn't want to cuddle right now, don't force her. That just translates into a negative experience.

 

[di and bob]

I think she is too young right now, and too full of boundless energy. Females are not known to be particularly affectionate, not around this house anyway. We have only had 1 out of 20 that craves attention and gives head bumps and kisses, the one we have now. She was also hand raised when she was a kitten, so I don't know if that has something to do with it also. Most kittens want LESS to do with affection as they get older, the only cuddlers I have had have been neutered boys.

 

[KittyJ]

Yes, she will be more affectionate once she's older. She hasn't quite calmed down yet. And, yes, females aren't as affectionate as males. Neutered males are the most affectionate, although I had an intact male who was extremely affectionate.

 

[slowblink]

My 4 month old kitten is really not much of a lap cat/cuddler too. it'd be nice if she calmed down in the future, she sleeps with me at night but is just not cuddly during the day, so I wonder if there's hope.

I try to lean into it, she will also let me hold her if I am carrying her somewhere / showing her something interesting - so I'll hold her looking out the window or just looking at things around the house (she even likes smelling light switches?). The hope is she's getting a little used to being held with this, but I really don't know if she'll be a very cuddly cat when she grows up. The minute I sit down she is scrambling to move again! The wand toys have been great for bonding since she's so playful, and so I use those a lot with her too.

There's definitely a level of calm that comes with age, but I also think that cats are going to have their preferences and that's going to be left up to them? But I've watched her warm up to me in terms of our relationship just by giving lots of pets and play time - sounds like you're doing that too.

I think you can def build the relationship / build on positive experiences and that can potentially have some influence, but in the end the way the cat shows their affection/what their preferences are is going to vary, just like people.

 

[gilmargl]

I have had quite a few cats (who lived with me from kitten to old age), and fostered many orphans and stray mamas with kittens. In my experience kittens and cats go through various phases of being affectionate or indifferent to petting.

One Idea
Kittens are naturally very playful and just fall asleep whenever or wherever they feel tired. They rarely manage to get to their basket or cat bed before collapsing with exhaustion. But, usually during the night they have found their way to a more comfortable sleeping place. With a litter of kittens this could be with their mama or at the top of a cat-tree where I am always worried about one falling off, or they are all huddled together in a basket. In my experience a solitary kitten will always find its way onto my bed.

So, even if your kitten doesn't like being cuddled, it may look for warmth and security during the night. Do you leave your bedroom door open? It may be a good start to allow her to sleep next to you and learn the benefits of a closer contact with you.

My cuddly and not so cuddly cats
The first cats we had as family cats were basically very friendly. (Cuddly? I'm not so sure about that). We didn't leave the bedroom door open in those days, until Sweep learnt how to open doors.
Sweep loved anybody with long hair and if it was still damp from rain or from being washed, he was in his element and very cuddly! Another female would seek out whoever was sitting quietly reading. In fact, years later, a second female reacted exactly the same way.

My present cats are all females, all rescues, straight from the street or feral-colony. Only one of them, Meghan, is "cuddly" though not so much with us but with all visitors and strangers! But, all 4 have their moments when they enjoy closeness and they love the opportunity to find some space on our bed, even if they don't always want to be touched. Katy is always sitting behind me when I'm working on the computer, Mogy only enjoys petting when in the bathroom, Emily comes to me and lets me stroke and fondle her, but she attacks everybody else. But, they have all "improved" considerably from frightened, semi-feral, wild animals to indoor cats who make no attempt to escape even when the front door is open.

Second Idea?
Perhaps you should simply watch your cat to see when or where she feels relaxed and secure. She won't be interested in being stroked if there is too much else going on - even noises outside your house can put her on the alert. If you try to be completely relaxed and indifferent to her behavior, you may find that she will seek you out when she needs peace and quiet and will allow some gentle petting.

I hope you don't expect to be able to carry your kitten about lying on her back like a baby. Some cats are relaxed enough to accept such treatment - but it is not very cat-like! We could do that with Sweep - but only when he was feeling really sick!

 

[minish]

Cats have 2 basic modes: crazy energetic and relaxed. For kittens the second happens only just before sleep/nap after they are exhausted from play. This is the ideal time to handle them for brushing, clipping nails, body exam, petting and yes, putting them on your lap and smooching (softly)
Minish could only be put on a lap when sound asleep during kittenhood and only by force during adulthood. So I pet her wherever she lays just before she doses off. She loves it since it doesn't overwhelm her.
If your kitten is like minish, there are many other ways to show affection, like singing their name, showing groceries for them to sniff, creating puzzles and games. It might also be a phase, it means you have a cuddly future (I'd be jealous)

 

[game misconduct]

you cant drag/holdher around like the way a kid drags the favorite stuffed animal around the house she doesnt enjoy being held to much i think hence the scrambling to get away from you soon as you sit down. at 3 months its eat,sleep.play rinse repeat each day the pics of graycie is as cuddly with me as she gets but thats all on her time her choice of when not mine and i can pet her anytime i feel like it or want (graycie hates being held) i accept that that about her it doesnt make her any less loving or cuddly with me when its her choice if you grab a blanket and take a nap on your couch you will probably wake up to the sound of a purring lil ball of fluff curled up ontop of youor a cold lil nose poking your face

 

[Maurey]

Jum isn't fully out of the kitten mentality yet, as she's an MC, but she's growing up to be a very needy cat. She likes being held, both like a baby and normally, and likes riding around on shoulders. Will commonly lay on top of me, or at my side for pets. Definitely less affectionate in summer when I'm not blasting AC, though, given the heat. Too busy melting into a puddle on the floor ahah.

 

[minish]

In summer minish opens her belly to the ac, in winter she sleeps on top of me as long as I'm incapacitated by covers or sleep (no chance she's ambushed by my loving arms..)

 

[Neko-chan's mama]

Neko-chan became way more affectionate after being spayed. Also, I never came on strong with her. I let her come to me for pets. Now she's two and lays in my lap every night while I watch TV or read. She also wakes me up every morning with purrs and kisses.