Disappointed

[posiepurrs]

We have been looking forward to this past week for a month or more. Our youngest son ( who moved to Oregon last Thanksgiving) was coming home for a week. Big deal- he visited us for about 4 hours and more or less told us we had been bad parents. No specifics. He won’t be back in the northeast until next year. I have to say it really hurt!!

 

[Mia6]

i am sorry. is he the one who likes hiking?

 

[neely]

I'm sorry too. You've been through so much with your husband's health that I'm sure this hurt both of you. Were you able to discuss it with him at all? Maybe he misinterpreted something but I'm sure you would feel better if you could clear the air.

 

[posiepurrs]

Yes. I guess it hurt so badly because when they were all growing up we were involved in their activities (soccer for all 3, dance for my daughter, school functions etc). None of them were abused- punishments for bad behavior was usually being grounded or losing privileges. I guess we just never know.

 

[posiepurrs]

I'm sorry too. You've been through so much with your husband's health that I'm sure this hurt both of you. Were you able to discuss it with him at all? Maybe he misinterpreted something but I'm sure you would feel better if you could clear the air.

He wasn’t here long enough to discuss it. I have a feeling this is backlash from my husbands illness. None of the kids handled their Dads illness well.

 

[denice]

I am so sorry. This could still work out though it could take time. Hopefully it does for everyone's sake.

 

[nurseangel]

I am sorry and you are probably right. You most likely know your son better than anyone. Mother's instinct. Though I am not familiar with your family or with your husband's health issues, I have seen people respond many different ways to illness.

Unfortunately, sometimes they lash out at the people who they love the most, and who love them the most. A lot of it is stress.

My friend made an excuse not to visit his mom when she was sick. He said he didn't get like his cousin, who either lived in the household (his mom moved in with her sister), or nearby. The cousin might have gotten on anyone's last nerve, but I knew my friend well. He is soft-hearted, to the extent that I don't think he wanted to see his mom while she was sick.

Whatever your son is feeling, it must be something that is weighing heavy on his mind. Even though you did nothing to deserve it and his visit was something you have been looking forward to for as long as you've known he was coming home. I'm guessing he's mad at the situation and trying to distance himself from it.

It isn't yours or your husband's fault. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Winchester]

I am sorry posiepurrs . It really sound as though he's upset about the illness and not you and/or your husband. I hope that's what's going on.

 

[cassiopea]

That is quite the sting, so sorry. Alongside the stress of the illness maybe he could have been influenced by another person? - a friend, another relative, a coworker, a mentor or a significant other. You never know, it does happen quite frequently in family dynamics. Maybe your son just said something in passing to someone without thinking much of it and that person took it as "Oh wow your parents are a piece of work" without understanding, for example. Or someone is intentionally sabotaging/alienating due to possessiveness or jealousy.

Obviously, I don't know your family well enough to have any conclusive opinion on the matter. In any case, if this was completely out of the blue from him then it is really odd and extremely hurtful on top of it. Especially without an explanation?

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, it must be so heartbreaking on top of the existing stress you had to deal with. I am sure one day it will get better, and your son will turn around, even if it seems daunting in the moment. Hopefully there will be communication on the matter, that would surely help in so many ways to clear up anything.