As many of you remember, I had a miserable wench of a SIL for 4 months before she walked out on my BIL, citing that she stopped loving him before they got married and had enough. My BIL has been such a changed person - back to the laid back fun loving guy he was before he met the SIL. He's even been able to have a BIL-SIL relationship with me again, which is nice because we're both 23 and hadn't been able to really hang out since '07.
Well, Facebook, the evil of the Internet, gave away that they are speaking again, right around Thanksgiving. I asked my MIL about it, and she was vague, saying "I dont know, he just wants closure that's all." I bought it for all of 10 seconds, because I noticed she kept changing the subject or avoiding my questions. Last night, hubby decided to ask her. She did the same thing - avoid most of the time. Hubby told her "I dont like this, she's a manipulator, we all saw it. The family does NOT need them talking again because she'll weasel her way back in." MIL just kept avoiding it, so he texted BIL and asked him straight out - "Are you trying to get back together with SIL?" MIL said "we have to let him do what he wants to do and support him." But hubby and I both told her we WILL NOT support his decision to be with her again, and if he chooses to make that mistake twice, we will not be there to help pick up the pieces like we were the first time. She isn't welcome in our lives again. Hubby told her "if you s*** on my family once, you don't get another chance to do it. She's not reentering our lives and I will not lift a finger for anything to do with her."
BIL's reply to the text: "Well we are going to give marriage counseling a try [something that she absolutely refused when she left]. I am taking it slow and making sure it is what I want, and that we can be 100% happy forever." *face palm* How can you forget what she said? He always told us how he was glad she freed him early, would not go back to her unless she made a 180º change in her ways, etc. Hubby messaged him back and said "Just my opinion, this is a bad idea. You can do better. You are too young to deal with this crap." No reply.
Hubby figured his dad would be upset with this, and that is how we found out they were hiding it from us. FIL told him "I'm not at liberty to speak about the situation." So hubby said he already knew about it, he wanted to know why they are sitting back and letting it happen again. FIL said the same as MIL - "just gotta let him do what makes him happy." (Yeah, because always yelling at the phone after you hang up from your wife is a positive, happy thing. Being controlled to the point you aren't allowed to hang out with your SIL is a happy thing. Being told you were no longer loved anymore and being walked out on is a happy thing.... gimme a break!) Hubby told FIL that he'd have to deal with the situation because they'd be living in his house. FIL said that BIL will NOT be living in the house again with her, he can leave to live with her (which is what he'd be made to do anyway, she is living with her mom, friend, and friend's baby right now in an apartment - great situation to fix things in!)
I talked with my TL at work, who is a psychology major. The first thing he said was "It's a trap!"
Thanks for the expertise
He gave us suggestions on how to find out what's really going on with BIL by talking to him alone - suggesting that hubby sit down brother-to-brother and have a good talk with him about the situation to prevent him from being crushed again. But hubby and I both know that BIL never listens to a darn thing my hubby says to him, regardless of what it relates to! So my TL suggested he and I go grab some drinks and chat, while I remain civil about SIL's existence (though BIL knows I cannot stand her, he even said he could tell none of the family liked her). That way I can say "at least I tried to help him." You cant FORCE things to work if they aren't compatible and meant to work
He should trust me on this, I've been there!
We may come off as horrible, but from the outside, you could really see what the relationship was like for 3.5 years and how miserable my BIL was, and how much he changed back to his old happy self since August. He's admitted he wasn't happy before, but is having a great time now. I hope he doesn't rush into things, or ruin the separation requirements (my TL gives them til the 19th to go on a date, and the 24th before something separation-restarting happens, he even says he'll put his paycheck on it). Hubby is very upset to see this happening, see his family just act like its buying a cruddy car or spending money on something stupid - not the fact he can really mess up life after being given a second chance. My "SIL" is baby-craving - that's her ultimate dream and she admitted that she wanted to start trying in Jan '11 - so why not reel in the ex-hubby now? I KNOW that if they get back together she'll wind up pregnant (since I'm sure she'll use intimacy to lure him back in, then stop when she gets what she wants again, like last time). And then they'll be in a bigger mess.
Oy!
So yeah, hubby and I are the epitome of evil now, but figured some of ya followed the drama since before their wedding, and this shocking update rocked all sorts of things. Lets just hope he stays true to his "taking it slow and figuring it out" thing before doing anything dumb. Again.
Well, Facebook, the evil of the Internet, gave away that they are speaking again, right around Thanksgiving. I asked my MIL about it, and she was vague, saying "I dont know, he just wants closure that's all." I bought it for all of 10 seconds, because I noticed she kept changing the subject or avoiding my questions. Last night, hubby decided to ask her. She did the same thing - avoid most of the time. Hubby told her "I dont like this, she's a manipulator, we all saw it. The family does NOT need them talking again because she'll weasel her way back in." MIL just kept avoiding it, so he texted BIL and asked him straight out - "Are you trying to get back together with SIL?" MIL said "we have to let him do what he wants to do and support him." But hubby and I both told her we WILL NOT support his decision to be with her again, and if he chooses to make that mistake twice, we will not be there to help pick up the pieces like we were the first time. She isn't welcome in our lives again. Hubby told her "if you s*** on my family once, you don't get another chance to do it. She's not reentering our lives and I will not lift a finger for anything to do with her."
BIL's reply to the text: "Well we are going to give marriage counseling a try [something that she absolutely refused when she left]. I am taking it slow and making sure it is what I want, and that we can be 100% happy forever." *face palm* How can you forget what she said? He always told us how he was glad she freed him early, would not go back to her unless she made a 180º change in her ways, etc. Hubby messaged him back and said "Just my opinion, this is a bad idea. You can do better. You are too young to deal with this crap." No reply.
Hubby figured his dad would be upset with this, and that is how we found out they were hiding it from us. FIL told him "I'm not at liberty to speak about the situation." So hubby said he already knew about it, he wanted to know why they are sitting back and letting it happen again. FIL said the same as MIL - "just gotta let him do what makes him happy." (Yeah, because always yelling at the phone after you hang up from your wife is a positive, happy thing. Being controlled to the point you aren't allowed to hang out with your SIL is a happy thing. Being told you were no longer loved anymore and being walked out on is a happy thing.... gimme a break!) Hubby told FIL that he'd have to deal with the situation because they'd be living in his house. FIL said that BIL will NOT be living in the house again with her, he can leave to live with her (which is what he'd be made to do anyway, she is living with her mom, friend, and friend's baby right now in an apartment - great situation to fix things in!)
I talked with my TL at work, who is a psychology major. The first thing he said was "It's a trap!"
We may come off as horrible, but from the outside, you could really see what the relationship was like for 3.5 years and how miserable my BIL was, and how much he changed back to his old happy self since August. He's admitted he wasn't happy before, but is having a great time now. I hope he doesn't rush into things, or ruin the separation requirements (my TL gives them til the 19th to go on a date, and the 24th before something separation-restarting happens, he even says he'll put his paycheck on it). Hubby is very upset to see this happening, see his family just act like its buying a cruddy car or spending money on something stupid - not the fact he can really mess up life after being given a second chance. My "SIL" is baby-craving - that's her ultimate dream and she admitted that she wanted to start trying in Jan '11 - so why not reel in the ex-hubby now? I KNOW that if they get back together she'll wind up pregnant (since I'm sure she'll use intimacy to lure him back in, then stop when she gets what she wants again, like last time). And then they'll be in a bigger mess.
Oy!