Did I ruin our bond by bringing home a kitten?

[Tobita]

Hi everyone! My cat Toby is 8 and we recently got a kitten (named Pita) who is 5 months. I’ve done my research on proper introductions and it seems to be going well (better than I thought it would) but I can’t find much insight about my current situation - Toby seems to like the kitten, but has been treating me like sh*t.
It’s been making me very emotional because I feel like our bond has been broken. He’s never been the most affectionate cat, has always been kind of an A-Hole but I love that about him, and he’s always let me know that he loves me too. He would sit on my lap a few times a day, slow blink when I talk to him, etc. I’ve been working from home since the pandemic started, and he’s gotten more clingy which I loved - I just thought he was bored. He used to be an outdoor cat and loves to play.
After months of research, we decided to get a kitten. Since we got Pita, he wants nothing to do with me. We followed all protocol for proper introduction (Pita was kept in a separate room for a week, feeding on either side of the door, feeding treats together, etc) After a week, they met each other and now have daily playtime & sleep next to each other. Pita is OBSESSED with Toby, which is definitely getting on Toby’s nerves, so we do separate them at least once a day. I’m trying not to disrupt Toby’s routine too much. I say Good Morning to him first, feed him first, and try to give him adequate attention but he just ...isn’t letting me? He won’t come near me. If I go over to him, he meows and walks away. I tried to bribe him into laying with me today, with some treats, but he just took the treats and went under the bed.
Will he ever love me again? I feel like I’ve ruined his life and don’t know how to fix it.

 

[ArtNJ]

Sure, let things settle down. Right now Toby is either hyper vigilant or preoccupied with the kitten, but in time things should slide back to more like what you are used too.

A cat that is hyper vigilant -- i.e. always on alert, because a little ball of energy might jump from anywhere and the big cat doesn't like that -- will not accept affection. Mom don't bug me when I'm on guard duty kind of thing you know? That is probably most likely, despite the fact that you said its going well.

One way to test things out a bit would be how is Toby during no kitten closed door time? Once he realizes the door is closed and the kitten is not in the room, he should be more like his usual self hopefully.

Anyway, for an 8 yeal old to be reacting well to a kitten doesn't always happen. Its a major victory, a good thing that matters. The rest of it will just take some time.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I so agree with A ArtNJ . And don't try to force this. Toby needs to finish adjusting on his own time and in his own way. Let him. Be friendly, but stand back a bit. Talk to him, but don't seek affection from him right now.

He still loves you, his attention is just...otherwhere...right now. I'll bet in a fairly short while, he'll be back to normal. Pita will no longer have that "new cat smell," and Toby will be looking at you with his old affection. It takes time. Even with the phenomenally good introduction, it take time before things feel normal again.