Devastated About Rose's Health---not Sure What To Do

[weebeasties]

You mentioned Atopica. Have you tried it? It has helped our Zuzu so much. We give her the generic pill form and purchase online from Allivet. I think it costs about $30 a month. It takes a while to see improvement, but when she started her belly was hairless and raw from licking and within 2 weeks her hair was growing back. It has allowed her to have a life rather than spending every waking minute licking and scratching.

 

[Furballsmom]

I am so sorry that the rescue placed you in such an awful situation.

As am I - foxden said everything and more of what I was thinking about you and your situation.
@epona has a great idea and so does weebeasties , I believe and hope, of course depending entirely on whether this is how you determine to handle the situation.

Please do definitely let us know how you are faring, and what you're thinking and what happens. You have a whole cheerleading section on your side

 

[RosesNoThorns]

Morning everyone,

I believe I am leaning more and more towards returning Rose to the rescue.
I truly believe I am in over my head and right now medically/financially I need to be able to save myself first.

The other thing is that I have discovered (in these six months) that I am allergic to cats. I've got a HEPA purifier running, I do my best to vaccuum and wash everything weekly and all that but my lungs are taking a beating. Everyone says I sound like I have a permanent cold. It makes it even harder for me to sleep and wears me out further considering all my other health stuff going on right now.

I'm in the doctors offices three times a week and I'm still trying to go to school and keep things in order.
But I just found out that my building is not sufficient to grant me funding for a wheelchair so it looks like I might even not know where I'm going to be living next.

I love Rose so much. I want what is best for her, but increasingly that's looking like I'm not the right home for her.
At this point the plan is to try and get to her follow-up in two weeks and then arrange with the rescue to take her back after that.

 

[Furballsmom]

Oh my goodness - allergies and a possible move on top of it all!
I hope you don't mind me saying so, but in an attempt at moral support I do like your plan, and my whole household is thinking about you and her all the time. Thank you so very much for letting us 'hear' your thoughts!
You know, you are an AMAZING human being, --truly incredible.

 

[RosesNoThorns]

Thanks, I really appreciate the moral support.

Honestly my heart is breaking.
I really, really love Rose. I actually really like cats too.
I am devastated at having to give her up but also possibly never having a cat again.

I had an allergy test done years ago and came back mild/inconclusive for cats, oranges and strawberries.
I guess that's confirmed now

I just wish she didn't have this medical problem, that I had more available income and that my lungs weren't freaking out. I was so sure I would be okay and that she was home forever.

I've lived with cats before and as long as they were taken care of I was okay.
Heck I fostered cats before Rose and didn't have any noticeable issues.
But for some reason I'm reacting to her---and now that I think about it I had the same reaction to two other fostered, long-haired girls who shed a lot.

But, c'est la vie, I guess.

 

[arouetta]

You're not treating this like she's disposable when inconvenient. You seem to feel like you are, but you aren't. When it comes to anything in life, sometimes the money just isn't there and you can't wish it into existence. Humans, there's a bit of a safety net, and that even has holes in it and people just have to go without medical treatment for serious conditions. Animals, there is no such thing as a safety net. There's a trickle of help from charitable people and that's that.

If you find a way of keeping her and if you decide that doing so is in both your and her best interest, great. However if the money isn't there and she's miserable, then maybe the kindest thing would be a return so someone with more disposable income and who knows up front that she will have monthly medical needs could give her a less itchy life. If you're miserable or your allergies are bad enough that you could have a serious reaction, then again the kindest thing may be to let her go back for a non-allergic owner.

However, you are the one there. You are the one with the bank account information, the one who can see how miserable she is or isn't, and how bad you are physically feeling from the allergies. You don't have to justify it to us. And while we can help find low-cost options or offer suggestions, we don't have the right to pressure you either way because our situations are different. What I'm trying to say is don't feel guilt either way, and don't think we are trying to make you feel guilty either way. Like I said in the beginning, you aren't treating her like she's a disposable accessory.

 

[RosesNoThorns]

I guess I do feel guilty but I know what you're saying and I agree.
I've tried.

She really isn't very happy here and I can see that because of the slow progression of her just either being asleep or desperately trying to scratch and chew. Her coat isn't what it once was and I find she's wheezy.
I know what I have to do, it's just hard on me.

Just one of my hang-ups I suppose, I always feel bad and feel like I'm giving up on her.
Even though like you said, that's not it. We're just not compatible for various reasons and it'd be in both our best interests for her to go somewhere better suited for her.

 

[foxden]

I guess I do feel guilty but I know what you're saying and I agree.
I've tried.
She really isn't very happy here and I can see that because of the slow progression of her just either being asleep or desperately trying to scratch and chew. Her coat isn't what it once was and I find she's wheezy.
I know what I have to do, it's just hard on me.
Just one of my hang-ups I suppose, I always feel bad and feel like I'm giving up on her.

I am so sorry that you are in this position.
But, you are not simply "giving up" on Rose. You have tried different foods, many vet visits and medications, constant house cleaning and you've drained your resources. Your own physical condition has suffered, and you are seeing your doctor a LOT and that's still not enough to keep you healthy. You are doing without food (and meds?) to get Rose care that might help her.

You are still grieving for Jacko. Rose's condition combined with that loss set you up to go "all-in" for her. Grief combined with depression and aniexty is a great recipe for guilting yourself. You get caught in the 'should-have', 'would-have', 'could-have' loop (idiom here: should-a, would-a, could-a...) that spirals down into guilt, self-doubt, depression, and more guilt.

I totally get the guilty feeling that you are not doing enough and that you've failed Rose. You clearly love her. If you decide to return Rose, it's going to tear into your soul.

As others have said, you are not coming to this decision lightly. You've tried everything and those treatments are not working.

Please know we are here to support you in this decision. Talk it out with us. We will listen.

 

[arouetta]

I missed the psychiatric part. Now I am giving more direct advice. It truly does sound like you need to give her back. You will be of absolutely no good to her and possibly worse for her if the stress of trying to hold it all together causes you to become unstable. Depression makes it very, very hard to care for dependent creatures or to even care for yourself enough to recognize their needs.

I've just been there myself. My cat's death triggered full blown mania followed by a depression so severe I had to go on FMLA, because I was carrying the guilt of being the one to decide on euthanasia. Giving Rose up will trigger an instability, be prepared for it. Trying to keep her will trigger an instability and keep it going for a very long time and during all that you will both be suffering far worse together than either of you apart.

I know I'm being very blunt and direct, I know I'm telling you what you should do right after I said it's not my place. But like I said I was just there in very similar shoes the entire last half of last year.

 

[Furballsmom]

arouetta

 

[arouetta]

arouetta

Thanks.

But R RosesNoThorns is the one that needs hugs now.

 

[Furballsmom]

Yes, she does

 

[huxleysmom]

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I can totally relate to this as I have gotten through a very similar situation (at least with my cat Huxley). When I adopted him from the shelter, they said he had had some issues with his teeth and had to have them removed, but that he was totally fine now. They also mentioned he had food allergies, but again they had put him on special allergy prescription food and was totally fine. Bottom line is, he was not. His "minor" teeth issues was Stomatitis, and his "controlled allergies" probably started as such, but by the time I adopted him, he had evolved to full on IBD, coupled with chronic pancreatitis (they had not mentioned that he had already had a bout of pancreatitis when he was there. It was in his records, but I had not read them carefully before adopting him, I only based my decision on what they had told me. Mistake that I will never repeat). The problems began less than 2 weeks after I adopted him. We started regular visits to the vet, put him on Pred, tried every single commercial foods I could find, did very expensive allergy testing, had him stay at the vets for a few days when he had bad flare ups, and eventually I started making his food from scratch. It helped some, his allergy symptoms anyways, but not much for the rest. Then he started having constipation, which I later found out is a possible symptom of CKD (so is nausea). I only figured out we were going down that route when Huxley stopped peeing for 24 hours. We went to the ER, and at that point they quoted me a $3000 procedures. At that point after one year with him, I had already spent more than $5000. Luckily, by some magical miracle, he passed the blockage and I was able to take him home. However, blood and urine results showed he was starting to develop Kidneys and liver issues. I was at the vet every day that week (and if not actually there, I was on the phone with them). Huxley was terrified of me, and was hiding under the bed as every time he approached me, I had to either force pills down his throat, or take him to the vet again.
Throughout this whole process, I had been torturing myself with anger at the shelter for not telling me the real extent of his health issues, and even more frustration as they point blank refused to help me financially when I contacted them. I felt like a failure for not being able to help what had become the most precious thing I owned, and anxiety ridden by the fact that I never knew how he would be doing that day when I got home, and how I would be able to afford the next vet bill that I knew would inevitably come. The only help the shelter was ready to offer me was to bring him back to them. They said that so casually, as if they were offering me to return a pair of socks at the mall. I couldn't. Huxley was the most loving cat in the world, one that would be happy to spend his entire days sleeping on your lap or curling up in bed by your face. What kind of a life would that be for him, to be locked in a cage all day, as he was when he chose me that day at the shelter? I knew no one would ever adopt a cat with such medical history, and in the end, the shelter would not be able to afford his care for long either before they had to make a hard decision.
On Friday at the end of this terrible week we had after the trip to the ER, I came home and he hadn't eaten all day, had not peed since the evening before, and was profusely drooling. I took him to the vet again, and I broke down in tears. They had to do a procedure to unblock him first, in order to relieve him, but also in order to give him the fluids he needed to get to help with the pancreatitis flare up. The quote was enormous and I just couldn't do it. I had already spent more than $1000 that week alone on ER fees and blood/urine tests. That's when the vet told me that even if we could get him over this bad phase, between his issues we knew about, and the liver/kidney issues that were clearly developing, this would never end. She told me if he was hers, she would let him go and not bring him back to the shelter as his future was not promising, but that at least the last year of his life would have been happy. I was a wreck, and I still am, but in the end, Huxley went peacefully in my arms, loved with all my heart, until the very end. This was 3 weeks ago, and I have cried everyday about it since, wondering if I had let him down, that I quit on him and should have fought harder for him. But I also know that I had to do what was best for BOTH of us. His would have continued to be in pain and his life would have only gotten worse, and I, would have dug myself into an even bigger financial hole, and my life would have continued to be impacted on more and more. It was the right decision. It broke my heart in thousands of pieces, and I still feel guilty about it every day, but I know it was right for us both.

I am sharing this story with you to tell you that I understand the terrible situation that you are in, but at the end of the day, we were both put into real unfair situations by shelters who were not honest with us. I am not suggesting that you should put her down in anyway, shape or form of course, I don't believe that this is necessary in Rose's case. But if you are facing a financial crises trying to take care of her the best you can, and if you are not in a place where you are able to do it without significant damages to your own well-being, then there is no shame in deciding to bring her back to the shelter. They were not honest with you and put you in this terrible situation that cannot have a happy ending. Your choices are rotten for sure, but the best thing you can do, is what is best for Rose, and for you, even if actually doing it will be the hardest thing ever, in the long term, it'll be best. The guilt and heartache will pass in time, or at least will become more bearable, that's what I hope for. I know it will. Be patient and kind to yourself. Best of luck

 

[Furballsmom]

huxleysmom I missed you. I didn't realize - I'm so sorry.
If you-all hopefully don't mind, thank you from me for bearing your heart and soul for Rose and Rose's person

 

[foxden]

huxleysmom
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

 

[1 bruce 1]

foxden

I miss Jacko in ways I don't have words for and honestly I'm still traumatized about it.
My mom is going through a couple rounds of chemo and surgeries for her gallbladder and her heart (again).
My own health is...well let's just say I'm on the waiting list for a motorized wheelchair and not leaving the house much.
I'm in pain or sick most days.

I still owe way more money than I make---and that's not including Rose's bills.
I didn't go out looking for another ill pet this time and I fully accept that adopting Rose in terms of timing was a bad idea, but I was in a really vulnerable headspace and got talked into it by someone I shouldn't have trusted. Arguably I didn't know she was this ill either.

I'm just trying to get my own life on track right now and I just...it's a lot. I've missed six weeks of class, there's not a lot of food in the house. Rose is okay, myself however...

(((Big Hug)))
I can't offer much else. =( I'm sorry.
I feel for you and I hope your situation improves drastically and quickly. I wish I could help.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Thank you, I'd appreciate it.

My local clinic does offer a pet care credit card but I do not think I could (depending on how big the payments were) afford the repeated monthly payments nor do I think I'd get approved for it.
I feel horrible because when it comes to my pets I'm usually so, so good with affording all this and minor vet care.
But I've got no savings left and no safety net or credit card available right now and it's one thing to have a few hundred dollars of vet care here and there but quite another to be in the vet's office every two weeks.
Her last bill was $310 and I don't know how I'm going to repeat that in 14 days (and again after that!), even with living on ramen noodles for the month.

Please do your best to stop feeling horrible. The fact you even took her on knowing her health problems, and the fact you're obviously sick about this situation tells us a lot about your goodness and love for this species we share our lives with.

Please hang in there.

 

[RosesNoThorns]

I missed the psychiatric part. Now I am giving more direct advice. It truly does sound like you need to give her back. You will be of absolutely no good to her and possibly worse for her if the stress of trying to hold it all together causes you to become unstable. Depression makes it very, very hard to care for dependent creatures or to even care for yourself enough to recognize their needs.

I've just been there myself. My cat's death triggered full blown mania followed by a depression so severe I had to go on FMLA, because I was carrying the guilt of being the one to decide on euthanasia. Giving Rose up will trigger an instability, be prepared for it. Trying to keep her will trigger an instability and keep it going for a very long time and during all that you will both be suffering far worse together than either of you apart.

I know I'm being very blunt and direct, I know I'm telling you what you should do right after I said it's not my place. But like I said I was just there in very similar shoes the entire last half of last year.

Don't worry about it.
For me right now I feel like giving her up with temporarily take the stress off but leave me worse off in the long run.
Maybe that's the part of me that woke up kicking and screaming today 'NO, nobody is taking my cat, I'm not moving, screw the wheelchair and screw this'. Granted, I know that isn't the healthiest.
But this is also probably the first day that I woke up feeling capable and ready to fight instead of just sitting there like a zombie, crying hysterically.

I don't disagree with you that me returning Rose would take a huge and immediate load off my shoulders. It would allow me to sort my finances out quicker. In that way, absolutely it would help me stabilize.
On the other hand, Rose is a lot of why I survived Jacko dying. I started fostering cats pretty much three days after she died, trying to keep myself busy, eventually settling on Rose. Is that healthy? Nope. But it is what it is.
I don't get to leave the house a lot and I'm in pain most days. Add that to a lot of trauma and sometimes having to spend the day in bed doing nothing because my legs aren't cooperating and Rose has been a source of great comfort to me. I don't really have family or friends around for various reasons.

Am I depressed? Heck yeah. Chronic pain and poverty will do that.
Given my anxiety and PTSD too it's easy for me to feel overwhelmed and trapped and then I panic.
I'm just afraid that I'm seeing relief by returning her because my 'gotta chew my leg off to get out of the trap' brain has set in.

As it is I guess I just feel like I will be triggered either way. Either I return her and deal with a trigger that way....or I struggle through and deal with a trigger that way. Depends I guess what triggers worse.
I guess I feel guilt because I know myself well enough to know that it won't be long before I go looking to foster/adopt another pet. I mean, I know there's a big difference between Rose (being that's she's chronically ill and I didn't know) vs a healthier critter....but I still feel bad about it.
Even in my current situation things aren't bad enough that I wouldn't be able to afford everyday care and supplies and the occasional routine vet care that comes with a pet, or even minor stuff.
But with Rose I'm looking at a $150+ bottle of Atopica. Plus the d/d which isn't cheap either unless she's on the dry food and then there's going to be all the bloodwork and diagnostics and I don't even know what happens after that if the Atopica doesn't work. Small glimmer of hope at least that the d/d seems to have resolved her poop issues and the ear gunk is clearing. So apparently duck and peas work.

I know that in the end I am probably going to have to return her to the rescue.
I guess I'm just fighting it. Either way she's here till her next vet visit and then we go from there.
I've called every vet I can think of and will be calling the pharmacy tomorrow to see if I can find the cyclosporine cheaper.

 

[RosesNoThorns]

foxden

Thank you. Sometimes just talking it out helps me think.

You're right in the end I'm still caught up in grieving Jacko. Believe it or not, the grief over Jacko is actually what has me considering returning Rose to the rescue.
I went all-in with Jacko and it nearly killed me.

I am so, so afraid of going through that with Rose again.
All the tests, all the trial and error...only ultimately to have to watch her die and be left pretty much drained and alone.

At the same time I don't regret my decision to exhaust myself for Jacko.
I promised her I would and I needed to know I did everything. Literally everything.
I miss her every day and yet I feel no guilt over my decision to euthanize her because at the end I knew I had tried everything and she was ready to go. Did I feel relief for us both when it was finally over? Yup. It'd been 6 long years and thousands and thousands of dollars and a lot of meds and time and pain.

But I guess in the end I need to know I tried. Yes I know that I already have.
But I also know that if I don't...if I don't at least know what all my options are and all the possibilities I won't forgive myself. I made a 'best for me' decision a long time ago at the urging of a friend re: an old rescued boa constrictor I had who was by all accounts just old and worn out and whose time had come. So I decided to just have him put down, even though the vet said that running all this bloodwork and testing was an option. .
Still bothers me to this day and I swore I wouldn't do it again.

 

[RosesNoThorns]

huxleysmom

First, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry.
Your story with your boy sounds a lot like Jacko and I.

I am absolutely mad at the rescue.
I am mad that they keep saying 'let us know if we can help' but that help only includes taking her back.
They say that they'll find the perfect home for her and/or keep her and take care of her if they can't...but...

I've seen all of their foster homes and the way that they care for their animals.
I've seen what they can provide and what Rose was living in prior.
I don't understand how that's going to stretch to take in a cat who needs specialized care like hers, when they couldn't/didn't/wouldn't even vet her enough in the first place to know what's going on with her.
I don't want her to be sent back to poor quarantine and tiny rooms and tons of other animals and crappy dry food that gives her the runs. Especially if I know she's going to be itchy and miserable still anyway.
I live in fear of the thought of finding out they euthanized her after I return her because she's too much work.
I mean...if this whole saga is going to end in her dying I...I'd rather do it myself and not have her shuffled back to a home where there's kids, dogs and other cats pushing her around and bullying her like before.

I cannot (because of the contract) rehome her to anyone else even though I have people jumping at the chance.

Anyway...*hugs* to you. I'm so sorry about your boy.