Dealing With Cat Bullying

[tinkerbeltink]

i have a three year old male and two year old female. I have had both since they were tiny kittens. The second one came in when the first one was a year old. They are neutered and spayed. Through the years, the male has had times where he bites the female. She cries, but won't defend herself. The biting has never resulted in bleeding or observable injury. He also tends to claim desirable spots like soft bedding and my bed even when he isn't on it. She seems to know not to use it. Over the years, they have slept at night on the same bedding (big soft area), but now he wants her off. If I catch him bullying, I give him a verbal and harsh "no" and will put him into time out alone in another room. I feel like he knows I don't like it because he immediately stops if I scold him. It saddens me because she would be his buddy if he would let her. She doesn't irritate him or invade his space and his attacks often come out of no where for no known reason. There has been no routine change, new person in the house, change in food, change in litter, etc. It's like he bullies by biting and she doesn't fight back. I have tried Feliway. Any suggestions for handling this or what might be bringing this on?

 

[babiesmom5]

I can relate well! I have(had) 5 cats, all siblings, raised from birth...one male and 4 females. I had a situation just like yours. Here is how I solved it.


The male cat, a real sweetheart around people was a TOTAL BULLY around ONE of his sisters. She was a very sweet, shy, demure girl who couldn't or wouldn't defend herself. To add to it, the male was extremely smart and crafty; she on the other hand, while sweet, was naive. Unlike her more confident sisters, she was totally passive; this just egged him on.
He would bully her unmercifully; he would "neck thrust" her, completely terrorizing her, he would attack her grabbing her by the neck and she would howl like she was being murdered.

It did no good to scold him...he would just sheepishly hang his head and go off...and do it again next time you were not looking. Why did he do this??? BECAUSE HE COULD!

Things got so bad that she took to urinating inappropriately in the worst place...down stove burners, down heating grates, down sinks, you name it. Once, she started vomiting blood. She required hospitalization for a full day on an IV and almost didn't make it. Stress!

In desperation I took her to a Holistic Vet. One look at her and the vet said "She's scared".
Vet said to give her a space she can call her own that he cannot enter. Put her food, her litter box in there and allow her to have peace there. I asked the vet, "If this wouldn't be bad for her". Her reply was, "Are there windows in there"? I said "Yes". Vet said she would be fine...and her sage advice was spot on.

So this sweet, defenseless cat lived in our bedroom for years and was very happy there. We had perches for her, beds, toys and all the comforts of home. She was once again able to enjoy life...and she thrived. Her sisters could come in to visit, but not her bully brother.

Unfortunately, her bully brother passed away in November. Now, this sweet little girl has the entire run of the house again...in fact she is right here with me now!

So, I would advise you, for the health and well being of your passive cat, to separate her from the male. You have to provide her with a space all her own that he cannot enter.
This is the ONLY way you are going to resolve this problem. It does work!

 

[amysuen]

We have a similar situation. 12 yr old Laelia has never liked any cat brought into the house after her - she growls and hisses at them, which seems to egg them on. She has a hideout under our bed, where the other cats rarely go. Sometimes Snickers stalks her when she comes down to eat or use the litter box but if he's being persistent about it I lock him in the bathroom until she goes upstairs again. She roams the whole house and is OK as long as the other cats stay outside of her "personal space".

 

[tinkerbeltink]

i have a three year old male and two year old female. I have had both since they were tiny kittens. The second one came in when the first one was a year old. They are neutered and spayed. Through the years, the male has had times where he bites the female. She cries, but won't defend herself. The biting has never resulted in bleeding or observable injury. He also tends to claim desirable spots like soft bedding and my bed even when he isn't on it. She seems to know not to use it. Over the years, they have slept at night on the same bedding (big soft area), but now he wants her off. If I catch him bullying, I give him a verbal and harsh "no" and will put him into time out alone in another room. I feel like he knows I don't like it because he immediately stops if I scold him. It saddens me because she would be his buddy if he would let her. She doesn't irritate him or invade his space and his attacks often come out of no where for no known reason. There has been no routine change, new person in the house, change in food, change in litter, etc. It's like he bullies by biting and she doesn't fight back. I have tried Feliway. Any suggestions for handling this or what might be bringing this on?

I can relate well! I have(had) 5 cats, all siblings, raised from birth...one male and 4 females. I had a situation just like yours. Here is how I solved it.


The male cat, a real sweetheart around people was a TOTAL BULLY around ONE of his sisters. She was a very sweet, shy, demure girl who couldn't or wouldn't defend herself. To add to it, the male was extremely smart and crafty; she on the other hand, while sweet, was naive. Unlike her more confident sisters, she was totally passive; this just egged him on.
He would bully her unmercifully; he would "neck thrust" her, completely terrorizing her, he would attack her grabbing her by the neck and she would howl like she was being murdered.

It did no good to scold him...he would just sheepishly hang his head and go off...and do it again next time you were not looking. Why did he do this??? BECAUSE HE COULD!

Things got so bad that she took to urinating inappropriately in the worst place...down stove burners, down heating grates, down sinks, you name it. Once, she started vomiting blood. She required hospitalization for a full day on an IV and almost didn't make it. Stress!

In desperation I took her to a Holistic Vet. One look at her and the vet said "She's scared".
Vet said to give her a space she can call her own that he cannot enter. Put her food, her litter box in there and allow her to have peace there. I asked the vet, "If this wouldn't be bad for her". Her reply was, "Are there windows in there"? I said "Yes". Vet said she would be fine...and her sage advice was spot on.

So this sweet, defenseless cat lived in our bedroom for years and was very happy there. We had perches for her, beds, toys and all the comforts of home. She was once again able to enjoy life...and she thrived. Her sisters could come in to visit, but not her bully brother.

Unfortunately, her bully brother passed away in November. Now, this sweet little girl has the entire run of the house again...in fact she is right here with me now!

So, I would advise you, for the health and well being of your passive cat, to separate her from the male. You have to provide her with a space all her own that he cannot enter.
This is the ONLY way you are going to resolve this problem. It does work!

Thanks for your reply. I particularly noticed you mentioned your bully kitty was a sweetheart with humans. That is mine, too. He comes across as a docile, good natured, well behaved, and loving kitty with people. I will take into consideration your comments about separating them. I think I may only need to do that at night or when I am gone because I stop it while home due to how I can keep up with them with my home floor plan. Thanks for your input.

 

[tinkerbeltink]

We have a similar situation. 12 yr old Laelia has never liked any cat brought into the house after her - she growls and hisses at them, which seems to egg them on. She has a hideout under our bed, where the other cats rarely go. Sometimes Snickers stalks her when she comes down to eat or use the litter box but if he's being persistent about it I lock him in the bathroom until she goes upstairs again. She roams the whole house and is OK as long as the other cats stay outside of her "personal space".

Thanks for your reply. That's good food for thought.

 

[Blackwidow2688]

I also have a bullying problem but it is with females. I have 5 females and one male all siblings. The smallest one is shy, and very skiddish and the other females try to gang up on her sometimes. She does try to defend herself and the male usually looks out for her. I dont know if they are just trying to play with her and she takes it the wrong way or whats going on but i feel so bad for her and dont know what to do. Any suggestions?

 

[babiesmom5]

If you read my post above, you will see that I had a similar situation to yours and how I handled it.

But first, a couple of questions. Is the "pariah" female showing any outward signs of distress; i.e. is she urinating inappropriately, is she not eating, does she vomit or have gastritis, is she hiding, withdrawing from you and/or the others?

If you feel she is unduly stressed, then you should give her a separate space as I did.

I think, like kids on a schoolyard, cats can sense a "weakling"; they pick on that one. Why...because they can...it is fun! Like bullies, they won't change...unless the one being bullied really stands up to them and lets them have it. Your cat may be unable to that that.

With age, this bullying behavior does subside. In the meantime, I would recommend you provide this shy cat as much private space, hiding places, especially vertical spaces like a cat tree or even a bed on top shelf of a closet to hang out in or for escape.