Crying is driving me crazy

[pisces7386]

   My little Bear has been crying a lot lately. He wakes me up every morning between 3 and 5 am by crying outside my bedroom door. He will calm down a little once I come out of the bedroom, but he won't completely settle until he eats breakfast. Sometimes he will go upstairs and cry in the hallway/outside the bedroom during the day. He won't stop until I go up there and bring him back downstairs. I need help with ideas as to what the problem is and how to make things better so he is not so upset.

    Here are some details- I have two other cats, his actual mom and sister. He is two years old and has been with my husband and I since day one.

    They are not allowed in the bedroom (have never been allowed in the bedroom) because of allergies. They all used to call/scratch at the bedroom door at first, but it has been more than a year since they got over that (we would play with them before bedtime to get them tired and did not respond at all to their noises at the door).

   I do not have another room to close him in at night- the bathroom is too small to put all three cats with a littler box for an extended period of time... and I won't lock him away by himself at night (it would make his problems much worse). He has always been very emotionally needy to the point where he would wait at the front door when it got close to the time for my husband or I to come home for work.

    This past winter my husband and I had to send the three of them to my Mother's for about a month. When we all finally came home Bear ended up with a stress induced urinary blockage... three hospital stays and two surgeries later he is more emotionally needy than every. He likes to know where we are and will call out to us if he looses track of where we are; once we respond and he knows where we are he will calm down.  

   And this brings me to what I suspect to be the root cause of the crying- I moved to a new apartment 2 months ago (new job, yay!). The cats came to the new apartment a little more than a month ago. My Husband will be moving here in 2 months. Bear misses my husband (at this point I cannot get a hold of anything that smells like my husband, but I have switched to his soap to see if that would help.. it didn't). I also have to travel for work (my husband has to travel even more, so the cats came to the new apartment with me sooner rather than later). When I travel I have a cat sitter care for them in the house (but they don't stay the night). Bear does not handle my travel well. All three times now he has stuck to me like glue once I come home, even when I am only away for one night. He won't go more than two feet away from me for the first day I am back. 

   I am slowly increasing the amount of food he gets at mealtimes (breakfast and dinner at 6 am and 6 pm) and I am thinking about giving him a snack at bedtime in case it is just hunger pains (but that doesn't explain him crying upstairs during the day).

   I tried leaving some of my dirty clothes downstairs for him to sleep on... he didn't care.

   I tired ignoring him when he cries...but eventually I have to get up to go to work.

   I tried getting him to play more before bed, but bedtime is not the problem and he still wakes me up in the morning.

   I have also tried to give him more attention during the day, but there are so many minutes in the day and I can't sit with him in my lap 24/7.

I cannot think of anything else. Does anyone have any recommendations? I don't want him to make himself sick again and the lack of sleep and stress for me is possibly contributing to a health issue that I am developing.

 

[Sarthur2]

I am sorry you are experiencing so much stress in your life right now. Bear sounds very needy and insecure. It sounds as though the latest move has put him over the top, in addition to your husband being gone and your travel. There are cats who do not seem to mind much, and cats who cannot handle it at all, and who almost become neurotic over change. Unfortunately it sounds like Bear wants and needs more stability in his life than he is getting right now.

However, it does sound as though you are going above and beyond to cater to his needs and to give him attention.

Have you tried a Feliway diffuser? It releases pheromones that help cats to relax. You can put them in different rooms of the house and see if this has a calming effect on him. They last about a month and you can purchase refill packs.

I am thinking that perhaps the bedtime snack, or even leaving a bowl of dry food out at night may help.

Do the cats have toys to play with? Cats tend to be nocturnal, and with both of you at work he is probably sleeping all day, and wanting your company and stimulation at night. He is also still young and energetic at two years old and needs to play more.

I hope he will eventually settle down and realize that nothing will change again for awhile. I know it's not easy on you or Bear in the meantime, so hang in there! Perhaps someone else will have more ideas!

 

[shadowsrescue]

I would definitely try the feliway diffusers.  Also Composure liquid Max calming supplement might help too.  It is a non sedating calming supplement that you can mix into wet food 2x a day.  You can find it online. 

Definitely try to play with Bear.  Play therapy helps to boost confidence in a cat and helps a stressed cat to feel more calm.  Do you have a wand toy or a da bird or laser pointer?  You want to follow the hunt, catch, kill, eat, groom, sleep theory.  This is where you play with the cat for the hunt, catch, kill.  You really want to get the cat moving.  Really tired him out.  Then give him an extra special treat or small meal to satisfy the eat.  He next should groom and then take a nap.  Play therapy is so very beneficial to the cat.

 

[catladyvettech]

I agree, try the feliway diffusers, calming treats and get a calming collar too. You could also try getting a puzzle feeder toy that dispenses food as he plays so maybe he'll be busy and won't get bored. If all else fails, you may try some medication like alprazolam or fluoxetine for awhile. Alprazolam (Xanax) is for anti anxiety and can be given as needed so you could give it until your household is back to normal again and fluoxetine (Prozac) is an antidepressant and is more of a long-term medication.

 

[pisces7386]

Good news! Bedtime snack went unnoticed by the girls, but Bear loved it- and I slept all the way to my 5:30 alarm! Hooray! He had cried a little this morning after I woke up, but nothing like he has been doing. He was also a little peeved this morning because he knew that I was going to work (the shower as soon as I wake up tips him off). 

   I can't leave dry food out because they (all three) are allergic to chicken and I have yet to find any dry food (that I can afford) without chicken of some type. Also, the mom would scarf it down. She was free feeding after she had the kittens and turned into a balloon. 

  I have a spray bottle of the comfort zone stuff. I had forgotten about it, but I will have to try that again. We didn't really notice much of a difference when we had used it before, but I'll spray it around before bed tonight and before I leave for work and see how that works. 

   I pull a few toys out from under the couch most evenings, I'll get a few new ones out tonight too. We have a sting-stick that they love. It is one of those fishing pole type toys... but with nothing on the end of the string. we play with that several days a week. I'll start doing it every night until things settle down. 

   I am getting close to getting him some drugs. We actually have some sedation pills from when we moved them down here... I was/am considering it so I can get a good nights sleep for at least one night. I'd rather not, but if he gets any worse I'll take him to the vet for some 'happy cat' pills.

Thank you all for your suggestions. I think a combination will be the trick.. or at least I am really really hoping it will!

 

[Sarthur2]

I would hold off on the medication long enough to see if the bedtime feedings and toys help.

Also, the feliway diffuser is something that plugs in and is constantly emitting pheromone scent. It may therefore work better than a room spray.

It's great you finally got some sleep though. Perhaps Bear just needs the extra meal!

Wishing you continued luck in your efforts with Bear .

 

[pisces7386]

Sorry for leaving this post hanging for so long.

Playing at bedtime along with a bedtime snack every night has helped significantly; I can sleep through the night now. He still wakes me up at 5 am ( I have no idea how he manages it so perfectly, but it is between 4:55 and 5:05 exactly!).

He still acts like he is starving all the time, even to the point of begging for my food which he has never done before. He is eating 25% more than he was before we moved and still wants more. I am really starting to wonder if he picked up parasites somewhere... except I am seeing no other signs and the only place that he has been without the girls was the vet (for surgery) back in March. I may have to drag him to the vet if he keeps this up after my husband comes down.

He is also doing much better during the day; he no longer sits upstairs and cries while I am downstairs. 

I saw no difference with or without the calming spray so I didn't bother getting the diffuser. 

Thank you all for your support. It was a rough couple of weeks.

 

[Sarthur2]

He probably literally needs more food and that's what you're giving him. So glad things are calming down.