Cremation Jewelry- I Need Advice

[Snuggles’ Mom]

My dear 20 year old Snuggles passed away yesterday and I am broken-hearted. I decided 4 or 5 years ago, when her time came, cremation would be the best option. I even talked to Snuggles about it, and I truly believe it’s what she wanted so she can always stay close to me.

I live with my parents (I’m 23), and my elderly grandmother lives with us (I help care for her). All of us were extremely attached to Snuggles, but I was her “purrson” and she was my baby. Before she passed, I talked to the rest of our family about our wish to have her cremated. Now, my parents were raised in a small town where everyone buried their furry friends on their property- there wasn’t a pet crematorium in the area and it was pretty unheard of. Now we have moved to a large city where the option is more prevalent and popular, due to limited space and more mobile lifestyles. Everyone in the family agreed wholeheartedly that in this case, having her cremated would be the most respectful and logical option.

This afternoon I brought up something I also knew I’ve wanted to do for Snuggles, and that is have a tiny amount of her ashes cast into a beautiful silver heart pendant so I can carry some of her with me wherever I go. This is something I’ve planned to do with my own money, but since we were all close to her, I brought it up to get everyone’s feelings and opinions. My grandmother thinks it is a beautiful idea and a wonderful way to memorialize her, and has even offered to pay to have it made so she feels like she has helped toward Snuggles’ memorial in some way. She was there the first time I saw Snuggles, and has been close to her ever since. My mom, also very close to Snuggles, was the one who adopted her for me. She and I are always very honest with each other, and she told me that it wasn’t something she would be comfortable having or wearing for herself- that it wasn’t necessarily creepy to her, but more like unconventional and unsettling. She also did say that Snuggles was really my cat and it’s my business what I choose to do since it is for me and I will be the one wearing it. She said she would support the decision if I felt it was right and it would be healing for me. My Dad is more introverted when it comes to feelings, and the opinion he expressed to me was ambivalent, pretty much “if that’s what you want to do”. He loved Snuggles very much but wasn’t as bonded as us three ladies were to her. He may have a more strong opinion one way or the other, but hasn’t expressed it.

Snuggles is the first cat (or any pet for that matter) in our family that has been cremated, and this is all new territory. I know in my heart I really want to have the necklace made- that it is beautiful, respectful memorial I can have with me always. By the same token, though, my Mom’s reservation and the fact I don’t really know how my Dad feels about it, have made me reconsider- should I do this? Does anyone have any opinions or advice as to the route I should take? I know that the choice is what’s right for me, but don’t want to make anyone in the family uncomfortable and regret it after the fact. I figured some people here may have experience with having a furry friend cremated and know a bit more about this, and someone may even own a piece of cremation jewelry. I think it may help to hear from people who are not quite as emotionally invested in the situation as our family is right now.

 

[Columbine]

I think you need to trust yourself and do what feels right for you. I lost my soulmate dog in the beginning of 2017, and I bought a cremation heart pendant (the type that you fill yourself). I ended up filling it with his fur rather than his ashes, as I couldn't bear to wait for his ashes to come home (I needed a part of him with me asap). I don't wear the pendant anymore (I have fibromyalgia, and it just hurt my neck too much to keep wearing it), so it hangs over a picture of him in my bedroom.

I think cremation jewellery of any sort is a lovely idea, so if it feels right to you just go for it. Like you, I live with my parents still (health issues), and my mother had very similar reservations as your mother about the whole idea. Ultimately though, Snuggles was YOUR soulmate kitty, not your mother's. Do whatever you need to do to heal, and trust that your instincts are the right ones.

I am so, so sorry for your loss

 

[di and bob]

Go ahead with the necklace, it sounds like it was your first inclination and you should go with that. It is your heart speaking. I kept some of my Chrissy's fur, it is in a special little cat keepsake that I keep next to my bed. In time it brings comfort to know that a part of them is near. You are an adult now and capable of making decisions based on how you feel and what you believe in, not based on anyone else's thoughts or misgivings. Remember, your parents came to accept Snuggles over the years, and they will respect and accept your decision about this too. If after the necklace is made and you find you can't bare to wear it, hang it from her picture, 9as stated above) I would almost guarantee in the future you will want it near, and would regret not going through with what you want now. Go with your first thoughts, they are almost always the right ones! Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I, too, agree with you and the other posters... go with your heart and if you would like to have some of Snuggles' ashes connected with a piece of memorial jewelry for you to cherish, you should follow your heart. I think if you feel strongly about this and you do not do it, even though you have support from your family, you might regret not doing it.

Cremation is hard to deal with, if it's your first time. For me, what I did for my two previous rainbow kitties was a combination of things. My husband and I purchased lovely cremation urns for their ashes, but also saved whiskers, hair, toys, photos, as those things which are most immediate to our kitties' lives meant more to our hearts, to put in the urns alongside their ashes. It's harder to think of ashes than it is to think of whiskers and hair, even kitty's toenails and their favorite small toys! I don't know. We housed their ashes in boxes like these, but also made memorial rings for each of us (my husband and I) to wear, personalized to how my husband and I would want to remember our kitties (the rings had inscriptions, and also special stones that would remind us of the colors of our kitties' beautiful eyes). I suppose all of that is going overboard, but the point is, to do what your heart is guiding you to do

Mostly the intangible but strong memories and love you have for your beloved cat will carry you through into the future -- not tangible things. Tangible things are just reminders. I'm not discounting them, as they have strong meaning for me (you can tell I am sentimental). But the love in your heart is most important.

 

[Snuggles’ Mom]

Thank you for the advice. I do think I’m going to follow my heart and get the necklace made, as I truly feel like it is the right choice, at least for me and Snuggles. I know her body is just that- only a form that she resided in for the 20 years she was with me on Earth. What makes her Snuggles- her essence, her spirit, her soul- still lives and will be with me forever.

Does anyone have any advice or things I should know or expect for when I pick up her ashes? And, if you have chosen to look at your baby’s ashes, anything I should expect when the time is right for me to do so? I know in both situations I will be incredibly emotional anyway, but want to be prepared for anything that might be shocking to me if I hadn’t prepared for it.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I did not choose to open the urn for my first kitty. But for my last kitty, I did, in order to transfer the remains to an urn of my choosing.

I would just say, be prepared to cry, to grieve, although that goes without saying, really. Your heartbreak will be heavy. And remember just what you said: that your Snuggles' essence and spirit and soul lives and will be with you in your heart forever.

I am so sorry for your loss, S Snuggles’ Mom

 

[Snuggles’ Mom]

Thank you for your advice and condolences, PushPurrCatPaws I greatly appreciate it.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Thank you for your advice and condolences, PushPurrCatPaws I greatly appreciate it.

Your family sounds extremely supportive and very nice, especially your Grandma. Be thankful for that!!
I know you're only 23 but keep the jewelry close to you and when the time comes to write your will and last wishes and stuff, you can have it put in that will that you wish to be buried with the necklace and/or cremains.

 

[miagi's_mommy]

I have a pendant with Tiger’s ashes in it my best friend bought me. I’m very sorry for your loss. Hugs.

 

[Snuggles’ Mom]

I just thought I would give everyone a little update and show you how the necklace turned out. I truly treasure it. The ashes are actually cast inside of the metal, so they are permanently encased and there is no chance of accidentally loosing any of Snuggles’ precious cremains. The lady who made it did a beautiful job and I would highly recommend her to anyone looking for commemorative jewelry- her Etsy store is called “A Timeless Impression”. After my Mom had a chance to get used to the idea, she changed her mind and now feels its a very special keepsake of a very special kitty. When it arrived, everyone in our home couldn’t wait to see it, our kitties included. One of our kitties even started head booping the charm that has Snuggles’ ashes in it- it was so sweet. The front is a plain heart, and the side that rests against my chest has Snuggles’ beautiful pawprint on it. I like that it isn’t obviously a piece of cremation jewelry- it’s subtle, timeless, classic, and someone will only know what’s inside if I choose to tell them. It came out prettier than I ever could have imagined- but anything made with a tiny bit of Snuggles has to be gorgeous, just as she was in life.

 

[Daisy6]

Hi Snuggles Mom. Thank you for explaining everyone's feelings about it so nobody's opposition to cremation jewelry will become upsetting. These are my thoughts:

1. DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU. Snuggles left pawprints on your heart. You loved a cat who loved you back. Obviously opinions matter and talking to your family helps, but if you do something only based on what they say, you will regret it later.

2. I understand the "always with you" logic for choosing cremation. However, I also agree with your mom that it would be sad to see where the ashes are every day. It could be a beautiful necklace, but just knowing what it contains makes it a reminder your cat is gone forever. That is one reason some people have ashes buried instead of displayed,. Understand this is not an attempt to forget about the cat.

 

[1 bruce 1]

I just thought I would give everyone a little update and show you how the necklace turned out. I truly treasure it. The ashes are actually cast inside of the metal, so they are permanently encased and there is no chance of accidentally loosing any of Snuggles’ precious cremains. The lady who made it did a beautiful job and I would highly recommend her to anyone looking for commemorative jewelry- her Etsy store is called “A Timeless Impression”. After my Mom had a chance to get used to the idea, she changed her mind and now feels its a very special keepsake of a very special kitty. When it arrived, everyone in our home couldn’t wait to see it, our kitties included. One of our kitties even started head booping the charm that has Snuggles’ ashes in it- it was so sweet. The front is a plain heart, and the side that rests against my chest has Snuggles’ beautiful pawprint on it. I like that it isn’t obviously a piece of cremation jewelry- it’s subtle, timeless, classic, and someone will only know what’s inside if I choose to tell them. It came out prettier than I ever could have imagined- but anything made with a tiny bit of Snuggles has to be gorgeous, just as she was in life.
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This is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! It sounds like the lady on Etsy has a bit of knowledge of pet loss and has taken it upon herself to do amazing work with outstanding quality. I'm so happy you're happy with this. Their souls and spirits have moved onto the next journey and we keep a part of their physical being with us. =)
Thank you for the update!!!

 

[Daisy6]

Your family sounds extremely supportive and very nice, especially your Grandma. Be thankful for that!!
I know you're only 23 but keep the jewelry close to you and when the time comes to write your will and last wishes and stuff, you can have it put in that will that you wish to be buried with the necklace and/or cremains.

Or better yet, wearing the necklace with cremains.

I tried to keep fur from my Rainbow Bridge cats to be buried with me, but lost all of them.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Or better yet, wearing the necklace with cremains.

I tried to keep fur from my Rainbow Bridge cats to be buried with me, but lost all of them.

I'm sorry you lost that =( That can be heartbreaking.
The best part of them...your memories, stay with you forever and their souls and spirits are waiting for us wherever we all end up IMO =)

 

[Daisy6]

I'm sorry you lost that =( That can be heartbreaking.

The best part of them...your memories, stay with you forever and their souls and spirits are waiting for us wherever we all end up IMO =)

Thank you. Yes, it is heartbreaking, because (with respect to people who choose to have pets cremated) I had all of mine buried.

I put this poem on a wall plaque for the second cat I lost:

His life ended when it did
Because people gave him love
Now cured of all suffering
His spirit purrs from above

 

[Snuggles’ Mom]

That’s too bad about their beautiful fur going missing. It may turn up one day- but even if it doesn’t, the memories and love are the most important things and those can never be lost.

Snuggles was the first furry family member in our family to be cremated- our family has moved twice since I was born, and it was really hard for me when we moved from my childhood home, for many reasons- but one of the big reasons was the fact two beloved dogs were buried in the backyard, and I knew I would no longer be able to visit their graves and have a special place in rememberance of them. Our family is very settled in the home we are at now, so it is highly unlikely that we will ever sell this house. However, in the event that we did sell the house, I would be able to take Snuggles’ ashes with me, rather than making a more permanent decision to bury her and risk what happened with my dogs happening with her.

I have no doubt in my mind that Snuggles herself is in Heaven. Her ashes are special because that’s the body she lived in for 20 years and how I knew her- but it’s just her body, and not her. It still is comforting for me to have that physical connection to her, to be able to look at her urn and hold it, when I think about her or talk to her. But she has never left me... she’s just with me in a way that is a little different than before.

I have gotten much comfort from a book titled “Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates”, which I would highly recommend to anyone who has lost a furry family member. I’m a Christian so I appreciate how the book uses scripture from the Bible to support that animals have a place in God’s Heaven, and we will see them again.

 

[Daisy6]

It is great that you think that way about Snuggles still being with you. I do not like it when people have to leave their furkids behind either, but was afraid of losing ashes when my cat died a week before moving from Ohio to Florida. So instead of having my cat's body cremated, I ordered a wall plaque with the poem posted above.