I haven't been around here in years, used to lurk a lot. Other things drew my attention away, so I hope no one will mind my posting here now. There just isn't anyone around who I can talk to about this.
My baby boy, Tady Bear was diagnosed with CKD a little over a month ago. I had managed not to notice he had been losing weight until one day when he and my 'smallest' cat were both sitting on my lap, and I was petting both of them at the same time, and I realized then how skinny he was compared to her. I got him into the vet as soon as I could after that. He'd always been a grazer at meal times, so it never triggered any alarms for me when he didn't finish his food right away. It had been almost a year since his last appointment, though, and he had dropped from 10 pounds down to 7. Blood work showed kidney disease. He also had an infection, and there was the possiblity of some form of cancer... I can't remember anymore what that was. We didn't look further into that, because my vet doesn't have the equipment to, and they said it wasn't something we would be able to cure anyway. He was given B vitamins, which I had to administer over the next month as well, and put on a renal diet. All in all, things went pretty well, except he kept making me switch foods. He would eat brand A for a few days fine, then start refusing it. We'd switch brands, and repeat. A lot of the time I had to 'remind' him to eat; go find him, and offer him food. He almost always ate when I did this. His mood was good, though he wasn't putting on any weight. But he wasn't loosing anymore either.
Things changed last weekend. He ate well on friday, but then refused most food both saturday and sunday. He also was acting like he felt nausious, though he wasn't throwing up. I called in sick to work on monday so I could get him back into the vet's office. He was given fluids, and we put him on an appetite stimulant and anti-nausia medication. He did better monday night, but then didn't eat all day while I was at work on tuesday. I was able to get him to eat a lot after I got home though. He still seemed like he felt sick, but I was so hoping if we just got him over this hump, he would bounce back. Wednesday and Thursday he ate well, but still seemed dumpy. Friday I was home with him most of the day, and I also learned how to give him fluids. He was content in the morning, but things started to go downhill friday night.
He wouldn't eat on saturday. I sat with him in the morning, like we usually do, just petting him. He remained curled in a tight little ball, not sprawled out the way he would when he was happy. He purred a little, but it wasn't the contented purr he usually would do. I called the vet back, they gave me one last option to try, and I went to pick up another set of pills for him. They said if they were going to help, I would know in 24 hours. I thought I could give him at least that, but I also scheduled him for his last appointment on monday, if the pills didn't help.
I sat with him for the rest of saturday morning, and into the early afternoon. He remained on my lap for the most part, getting up occasionally to drink, or use the litterbox. Each time he would come back to me, and I was grateful that he still wanted to be with me, because I really wanted to be with him. He would not eat. His body language continued to tell me he was tired; maybe in pain. At one point, while I watched him sleep I felt relieved that he was sleeping. I thought, at least then, he would be unaware of his own discomfort. And it was that point that I knew it was time. I had been watching him go downhill all day, and just didn't want to admit it.
I waited a couple more hours, maybe still hoping? I don't know... definitely knowing I wasn't ready for this; but I called the vet's emergency number, since they were closed. I wasn't sure if they would consider this an emergency, but the on call vet was nothing but kindness. I got Tady Bear's blanket from his bed, because there was no way I was going to put him in his carrier and stress him out that way. He let me wrap him in it, and he laid on my lap while I drove him to the vet's office, only occasionally letting out a soft meow of discontent.
I still held some hope that I would get him there, and the vet would tell me no, it wasn't time. But she confirmed the signs I had been seeing, and agreed with me. I said my goodbyes, and stayed with him until he was gone, then for a little while after.
Now it is sunday. It has been less than 24 hours since I helped my baby to his final rest. I have 4 other cats, and they have been helping, but none of them are him. Sometimes, I feel like things are almost normal, and I can go on with my life. Other times I can't seem to find the strength to move one step in front of the other. I miss him. Oh, how I miss him. Every room holds his presence, but he is not there. Every action I take, he was my shadow. But my shadow is gone. Everything is the same here, and yet, everything is completely different. I am at a loss, and I cannot see how there can ever be a way through. I miss my boy. I am sorry I failed to see he was sick earlier than I did. I wish I could go back and do everything differently. I wish he was purring on my lap right now. I wish I had done better for him.
My baby boy, Tady Bear was diagnosed with CKD a little over a month ago. I had managed not to notice he had been losing weight until one day when he and my 'smallest' cat were both sitting on my lap, and I was petting both of them at the same time, and I realized then how skinny he was compared to her. I got him into the vet as soon as I could after that. He'd always been a grazer at meal times, so it never triggered any alarms for me when he didn't finish his food right away. It had been almost a year since his last appointment, though, and he had dropped from 10 pounds down to 7. Blood work showed kidney disease. He also had an infection, and there was the possiblity of some form of cancer... I can't remember anymore what that was. We didn't look further into that, because my vet doesn't have the equipment to, and they said it wasn't something we would be able to cure anyway. He was given B vitamins, which I had to administer over the next month as well, and put on a renal diet. All in all, things went pretty well, except he kept making me switch foods. He would eat brand A for a few days fine, then start refusing it. We'd switch brands, and repeat. A lot of the time I had to 'remind' him to eat; go find him, and offer him food. He almost always ate when I did this. His mood was good, though he wasn't putting on any weight. But he wasn't loosing anymore either.
Things changed last weekend. He ate well on friday, but then refused most food both saturday and sunday. He also was acting like he felt nausious, though he wasn't throwing up. I called in sick to work on monday so I could get him back into the vet's office. He was given fluids, and we put him on an appetite stimulant and anti-nausia medication. He did better monday night, but then didn't eat all day while I was at work on tuesday. I was able to get him to eat a lot after I got home though. He still seemed like he felt sick, but I was so hoping if we just got him over this hump, he would bounce back. Wednesday and Thursday he ate well, but still seemed dumpy. Friday I was home with him most of the day, and I also learned how to give him fluids. He was content in the morning, but things started to go downhill friday night.
He wouldn't eat on saturday. I sat with him in the morning, like we usually do, just petting him. He remained curled in a tight little ball, not sprawled out the way he would when he was happy. He purred a little, but it wasn't the contented purr he usually would do. I called the vet back, they gave me one last option to try, and I went to pick up another set of pills for him. They said if they were going to help, I would know in 24 hours. I thought I could give him at least that, but I also scheduled him for his last appointment on monday, if the pills didn't help.
I sat with him for the rest of saturday morning, and into the early afternoon. He remained on my lap for the most part, getting up occasionally to drink, or use the litterbox. Each time he would come back to me, and I was grateful that he still wanted to be with me, because I really wanted to be with him. He would not eat. His body language continued to tell me he was tired; maybe in pain. At one point, while I watched him sleep I felt relieved that he was sleeping. I thought, at least then, he would be unaware of his own discomfort. And it was that point that I knew it was time. I had been watching him go downhill all day, and just didn't want to admit it.
I waited a couple more hours, maybe still hoping? I don't know... definitely knowing I wasn't ready for this; but I called the vet's emergency number, since they were closed. I wasn't sure if they would consider this an emergency, but the on call vet was nothing but kindness. I got Tady Bear's blanket from his bed, because there was no way I was going to put him in his carrier and stress him out that way. He let me wrap him in it, and he laid on my lap while I drove him to the vet's office, only occasionally letting out a soft meow of discontent.
I still held some hope that I would get him there, and the vet would tell me no, it wasn't time. But she confirmed the signs I had been seeing, and agreed with me. I said my goodbyes, and stayed with him until he was gone, then for a little while after.
Now it is sunday. It has been less than 24 hours since I helped my baby to his final rest. I have 4 other cats, and they have been helping, but none of them are him. Sometimes, I feel like things are almost normal, and I can go on with my life. Other times I can't seem to find the strength to move one step in front of the other. I miss him. Oh, how I miss him. Every room holds his presence, but he is not there. Every action I take, he was my shadow. But my shadow is gone. Everything is the same here, and yet, everything is completely different. I am at a loss, and I cannot see how there can ever be a way through. I miss my boy. I am sorry I failed to see he was sick earlier than I did. I wish I could go back and do everything differently. I wish he was purring on my lap right now. I wish I had done better for him.
