Constantly wanting to play and constantly misbehaving

[gotlembas]

Hi all! It's been a while since I've written here, but I'm hoping to seek some advice about some behavior-related issues with my youngest cat, Arwen. She's 9 months old and has an older brother, Pippin, who is just over a year old. I work a typical 9-5 and live alone in a studio, so the cats are left alone from 7a-3:30p. When I get home I feed them both and then afterwards I play with both of them a bit until they're panting and laying down from the exercise. As soon as they're good and tired is when I usually try to get some me-time in after work (I work in healthcare and it's a very draining job sometimes), but lately Arwen has been wanting to play all the time. I can't sit down for 5 minutes without her trying to bite cords, scale my bookshelves and knocking things off, or misbehaving in other ways to get my attention. She cries and cries and I feel like I'm not playing with her enough, but I can give both of them 2 or 3 10-15 minute play sessions after work and it still seems to not be enough for Arwen. Pippin seems fine, but Arwen is, for lack of a better term, balls to the walls and never gets tired!

It's caused me to feel grumpy lately because I do play with her and give her attention, but she's so restless and never quits misbehaving no matter how much I play with her or how much attention I give her. I have some cat cameras set up and I can see that while I'm gone, she and Pippin love to chase each other around my apartment in the morning so I know they play together while I'm gone, but while that seems to be enough to satisfy Pippin's energy requirements it doesn't satisfy Arwen's. There are times when I have zoom meetings and such and need her to not bother me and be quiet, but she behaves like a holy terror the minute I'm not paying attention to her. If I can somehow get her to take a nap, I count myself lucky lol.

She has plenty of toys, I spoil them both with feather toys and plushies and balls to bat around, and I have a few electronic toys too like a feather toy that rolls around on its own so she can chase it. I've seen a lot of advice saying to get toys that they can play with on their own, but Arwen only wants me to play with her and hardly ever will solo play by herself or play with Pippin.

Most of the advice I've seen for fixing a cat's troublesome behavior says to not reward them/give them attention when they're misbehaving, but when Arwen is scaling my bookshelves and knocking things down and breaking them, I can't exactly ignore her lest she cause more destruction. I'm just exasperated because I want my cats to have their play needs satisfied, but I also need some time to myself after work to rest and breathe! Any advice on other things I could try?

 

[ImaRobot]

I'm wondering if her "terrible teens" are just sprouting up. Does she happened to be spayed, yet? I'm no expert by all means, but I can't really think of a cat that I've had that didn't get mischievous around a year old. If anything, she probably just has a high active drive. If you haven't already, what about a cat tree? If you have, what about more or something else they can climb around on? I recently got some wall mounted furniture and obstacles and my cats seem to love it. So much so that I think I need to buy more because they both absolutely love this wall mounted hammock I purchased.

As someone who lives alone with 3 cats with a 9-5, I can understand why you are feeling this way, but unfortunately I don't think we'll ever get some full-on "me time." I mostly take it when ever I can get it, but it's what we've signed up for - and honestly, I'm here for every second of it. It's because of our long hours away from home that they look to gain as much attention from you in the short-ish time that they have you, as before they know it, you're going to sleep to continue the routine tomorrow. I wouldn't doubt it will lessen as she matures, though.

Right now I'm jumping between two boys I've raised since birth and a new 4-5yr old I adopted recently that's separated in her own room as she adjusts. As soon as I get home I have to greet everyone and get their food ready, then after that I spend time with one of the groups for at least 30 mins and then transition to the other side(repeating this every other hour or two for the most part.) The youngest boy will run to the bathroom sink and jump up on it and meow for me to go look at what he's doing and wont stop until I finally do. The girl is fine with periods of alone time but my boys need to constantly see me or else they will not shut up if they know I'm somewhere in the apartment and they're awake. I go to take a shower, they're right there waiting for me to get out for some affection. I'm making myself dinner and they're wandering around me or sitting on the shelves behind me, waiting for me to spot them for a quick pet. No matter where I choose to lay, if they are awake they will find me and lay next to me or on me. I'm likely reinforcing them to do these things at this point, but I can't/won't stop them just because we are basically their whole lives to them.

The best advice I can think of is constant and stern commands when they are doing things you'd prefer them not to do. Of course the young ones will be a little wild but eventually they'll learn what the tone of your voice means - not only that, but for many other words, and how you project them, in general. My two boys know that Beep Beep means move out of the way lol.

I'm sorry if I'm making it sound like there's no two ways around it, it's more meant as anecdotal evidence on my end. It gets better, but it's hard to say if its because we adjust, or they do.

 

[ArtNJ]

Mainly, you can do a combination of two things:

(1) wait - most cats do slow down some somewhere between 1 and 2; and

(2) train away any of the more problematic behaviors like biting cords, climbing curtains, etc. I use a loud "no!" Any noise will do, but it has to be loud enough to be slightly startling. And it may take a lot of repetitions;

There are also cord covers if that issue becomes particularly problematic. For zoom meetings, you could try closing the door, perhaps with a distraction to prevent door scratching like putting down a food puzzle (often known as a "slow feeder").

 

[Mamanyt1953]

My best advice is to hunker down and wait. I know, I know, but...while cats are physically pretty much mature at 9 months and just over a year, they are a long way from mental maturity. Think of your girl as an 11-year-old, and your boy as about 15. They are acting pretty well...for their ages. You've been given excellent advice already. I will fine tune just a tiny bit. NEVER punish a cat, but gentle, firm, and consistent discipline, remembering to follow every "not that" with a "do this instead" can work wonders...even on younger cats.

 

[Alldara]

I am sending you so many positive vibes. This is/was our life with Magnus Bean.

Baby proof what you can. Amazon has cord covers among other things. This will help, but keep in mind on one morning when Magnus wanted me up he broke two different baby locks. Ignoring doesn't work for every cat. Can't ignore if they're interested in doing increasingly dangerous behaviour to get attention...and then they know they get it and do it again despite it being negative attention. Prevention for these cats is key.

Some electronic toys could help.

If you have someone you can trust or someone you can afford to pay a little, you could have someone come by to play with them before you're home.

Rotating the toys and 'soaking' the ones stored in catnip is helpful. Cats don't play too much with toys laying around though it does increase with rotation.

You can do puzzles or slow feeders. There's lots of each to buy or DIY as is your preference. I got a lot of support from my local Buy Nothing Group. They dropped off crinkles for Cal when there was a shortage in our city. I've gotten a cat puzzle and we tried a silicone lick mat. I stick to things that I can sanitize or wash as a personal preference.

Museum putty is also helpful.

Does she have some cat trees and/or window perches to climb? I can share some small space ideas if you'd like.

 

[Alldara]

Morgana’s Human Hey! Tagging you in this post because Morgana and Magnus are similar and you might also have some other fixes that worked for Morgana that I missed hope you don't mind.

 

[Morgana’s Human]

Alldara has mentioned quite a lot of what I was going to say! My Morgana was - and still can be- like this. She’s approaching 2 in April! I figured I’d reach out from the side of “I know what you’re going through!”

Lots of advice has been mentioned. Honestly, I’ve gone the route of making sure she CAN’T cause destruction. My poor anime figures are in a box until I can get a case, and I’ve got a floor mount for the TV! I found now that I’m not giving her a reaction because I know she can’t destroy these things, helps a lot and she’s completely stopped a lot of behaviour. I’ve found out that they really do bounce off you!

Puzzle feeders are fantastic. I use them to hide Morgana’s favourite treats inside. We’re on advanced dog ones now, she’s so smart! But this keeps her busy. I’m alone and work a typical 8-4 too, sometimes evening hours as well depending. What I find works, lots and lots of playtime, feed, then while she’s eating set up a puzzle feeder. After that, Morgana has calmed down enough to lie down on me and fall asleep while watching TV - 6 months ago, I wouldn’t even imagine that would be possible! It is a time thing and I promise, things will eventually start to settle.

If you can get it, Da Bird Wand is the single greatest thing I have ever bought Morgana. And a dog puzzle feeder she has to flip over, push around and whack! Morgana also loves those little balls with a bell in. I have about 30 under the sofa and another 20 to dish out before I drag them all out from underneath the sofa (Morgs LOVES this part…) and start all over again! Catnip. Catnip is also your friend! It’s around the age where Morgana really took to liking it.

Not alone - if you do want to chat, just message me! I was in a very similar state a few months ago.
and I can completely emphasise with how you’re feeling. Best of luck! Here’s Morgana snuggling with me as I play Genshin Impact. It’s possible!