Completely Crushed And Heartbroken Over Missing Cat- Please Help

[emelyssa]

I have been feeding two feral cats for over a year now. They are both beautiful long-haired black cats, Nite and Fright Nite. Nite became tame very quickly and is my good buddy- he sits with me on the front porch, waits for me to come home from work, and so on. Fright Nite would come to eat food, but would run if he saw me. He was very nervous of people. Then, just this fall, he suddenly became tame. He went from not wanting me to even look at him to wanting attention all the time. He would even try to come into my house. He would sit staring into the glass front door for hours. I felt that Fright Nite wanted a real home and would be happier if he had one. But, I couldn't take him into my home, because my indoor cats have chronic upper respiratory issues and any cat to join them would also become sick.

So, I advertised on Nextdoor and found Fright Nite a home 2 miles from my house. The lady who adopted him really seemed like she would be great. She has another black cat who looks just like him. But, it turned out he has FIV, and so she decided she didn't want to keep him. She put him in her garage temporarily as she tried to find him a new home (I had no idea she had him in her garage), then she forgot he was there and opened the garage door. She didn't even know he was missing until hours after it happened. That was October 21- going on a month now. The lady who lost him is doing nothing to help me find him.

I've searched her area several times over. It is very difficult, though, because she lives in a construction zone. There is quite a bit of wilderness still being developed all around her house, in addition to open construction houses, storm drains to hide in, etc. I've put up missing signs. I've taken flyers door-to-door. I've advertised on Nextdoor and all the missing animal websites on Facebook. I keep checking with all the shelters. I keep bumping my social media posts. So far, nothing solid, though I've heard of possible sightings of him in nearby neighborhoods within a mile of her house. I am completely devastated and all I can think about is that good kitty, living a life without cat food and without human love and companionship. I cry for him every day. I have significant trouble with sleep and all of my joy in life is completely gone. Any suggestions, advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

 

[maggiedemi]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and the kitty! It's not your fault, that lady should have called you so you could take the cat back. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to find him. You could try setting up a trap, but you said there is a lot of wilderness around there, so you just might end up catching wildlife.

 

[lavishsqualor]

Emelyssa, you sound like such a kind and caring person. Thank for what you've done for Nite and Fright Nite. Their lives have been immeasurably improved by your kindness. Please don't forget that, no matter what.

I so wish that I had some clever and amazing advice to give you but I don't. I do know that there are members on this site who have lost cats and had them return, sometimes months later. Take solace in the fact that Fright Nite is feral and knows how to fend for himself. Hopefully, he's charmed someone every bit as kind as you and they are enjoying his company and feeding him lots of good stuff.

 

[Kieka]

I am so sorry. It is a good thing you did for him. Sadly you ran into the one of the pitfalls of rescue work with the new home.

Since he is feral and in a new area I don’t know how good your chances are to find him. Most of the search methods rely on a friendly cat or familiarity with the area. Luckily he is feral so he will find a way or find someone. Keep checking the shelters and maybe post with local vets. It is further complicated though by him being a solid black so it is a little harder to pick him out of the crowd.

I wish I could give better advice or suggestions. I really do. If nothing else know that you have him the best chance at a happy life. Maybe in the new area he will find a really great home that he wouldn’t have if this hadn’t happened. I try to believe that everything happens for a reason even if we don’t always understand it .

 

[emelyssa]

Thanks everyone. This is so, so heartbreaking. He is such a good kitty and he deserves the good life. A lady called me today and thinks Fright Nite may have showed up at her door. But I don't think it's him- it's hard to tell from a photo. It is 12-14 miles from where he got lost, so it's hard to imagine he would have roamed quite so far. I went over there today, but the cat dove into the bushes and then went running when a neighbor took their dog out for a walk. I got a look at just his tail. She is going to trap him tomorrow so that I can get a closer look. This lady feeds and cares for 10 feral cats. It was warming to know that I'm not alone in my love for kitties.

 

[maggiedemi]

I hope it's him!

 

[foxxycat]

I hope he comes back. If nothing else he knows how to defend himself...here's hoping he comes back soon!!° I am sorry someone let you down. It amazes me how careless people can be with pets.

 

[surya]

Sometimes they do find their way back to their home territory. But there is a good chance you may not find him and never know if he is safe or not. But he does have survival skills and he has made it this far, so don't assume the worst. There are many kind hearted people in this world who feed kitties and he was smart enough to find you. I am sorry for the grief you are feeling. I have suffered a lot of grief myself over missing kitties since I started doing TNR and rescue. You are not alone.

 

[emelyssa]

Surya, how do you cope with the not knowing? I am really having trouble coping with this. It is the most painful thing I have experienced in a long time.

 

[surya]

Not very well, I pretty much assume the ending was not good for the one's I am missing, because it is not safe here. There are bad people here who kill them, dogs get them and they get run over. I have had many go missing and I have no control. The only thing I can do that makes me feel better is to try and save more. It is better to focus on saving another life, then dwell on the failures. There are so many who need our help. I wish I had more comforting words for you.

 

[emelyssa]

I am not so much worried about him being killed. People around here love pets and most people know I'm looking for Fright Nite. He is too smart to get ran over by a car. I am a bit concerned about coyotes, though I hope his excellent hiding and running skills pay off in this category.

What worries me is if he is on his own always and never gets to eat the cat food he likes so much again, and if he never gets to experience love and friendship with a human again. I just wanted him to have a better life, but by homing him, I completely ruined his life. It is the worst feeling ever.

 

[surya]

You didn't ruin his life. You did the best you could. That's all anyone can do. Beating yourself up and feeling guilty, will not help the kitty. So it's not a useful thing to do. There are lesson's to be learned along the way, true, but you could not have known that the lady you trusted would let him down.

 

[emelyssa]

Yeah, that is just what my husband has been telling me. I'm definitely not going to adopt his brother out after all of this, but just do my best for him. And, not give up searching for Fright Nite. I wish I could get my emotions in check.

 

[surya]

I wish I had better control over my emotions too. {{hugs}}

 

[rubysmama]

Another emotional person here. In fact, I have tears in my eyes from reading this thread.

I know it's easier said than done, but emelyssa please try to remember you were only trying to do the best thing for Fright Nite. And, you know, 2 miles isn't really an impossible distance for him to find his way back home. So don't give up on him yet. And even if he doesn't find his way back, he's a feral, so knows how to take care of himself.

 

[emelyssa]

So at this point it has been more than 30 days since Fright Nite has been gone. I've been able to trap the cats that people thought was Fright Nite- and they were both different cats. I don't know what to do. Fright Nite was lost in a developing neighborhood. There are wild areas surrounding that developing neighborhood, wild areas that have tunnels into the sewers, as well as bridges. I've discovered a feral cat colony in this area, and I've seen several different cats there, but not Fright Nite yet. However, there are also suburban neighborhoods that he could have gone to. Is it more likely that Fright Nite would have joined this colony, or that he would have wandered into a neighborhood? I don't know where to look. Any advice would be really appreciated.

 

[emelyssa]

So, over the weekend, the lady who lost him on Lydia Lane noticed that someone's been eating the food she has left out. I thought it could be Fright Nite and so I've set up a trap there the past few nights. This morning, I found a different cat in the trap. Should I keep trying the trap there just to see? What in the world should I do? If anyone has ideas, please let me know.

 

[rubysmama]

Sorry it wasn't Fright Nite who got trapped. I don't have any experience at all with strays/ferals, so I don't have any ideas to suggest.

It can't hurt to keep the trap there, right. The cat you caught last night will likely not go in the trap again, so maybe there's a chance Fright Nite is still around and might be tempted by the food in the trap. Good luck.

 

[emelyssa]

Fright Nite showed up on my porch at midnight tonight!!!!!! He was missing for a full eight weeks. He had to walk two miles, cross difficult terrain and main roads to get here. But he is here.

 

[Elfilou]

That's amazing!! I read this entire thread and I have seen quite a few like these - and haven't seen a success story yet. Was very surprised but mostly delighted seeing that he's back! I'm so happy he found his way home