Codependent Kitty - Did I Spoil Her Too Much??

[Ashleyannmerk]

I’ve made a few posts before about my new cat. Like I’ve said, she was a neighbor’s cat who adopted me and while her owners are nice people, she was neglected. I remember the first time I bought her a toy and tried playing with her, she freaked out, ran up and tree then flew down the street. I didn’t know too much about cats so I didn’t think that’s was too strange. Fast forward two months, she’s a playing fanatic. She could play for hours. I guess because she wasn’t played with as a kitten, she’s making up for it as a 6 year old. She was outside 80% of the time before we converted our heated garage into a bedroom/playroom for her and now she’s not too interested in going out. I’m assuming that it’s not just because of the cold, but because I play with her a few times a day. First it was 2-3 times a day 15-20 minutes each of isn’t playing together, but everyday she wants to play more and more! And I absolutely enjoy it as much as she does, but last night she decided it was playtime around 12:30! I got up and played with her for about 20 minutes but she wanted more. She only wants to play with me (or my sister or mom sometimes) and she won’t play alone.

The other thing is when she wakes up in the morning, she’s goes over to the door leading into the house and will stand there waiting for hours!! She’ll sit in one of her toys and wait for me. It is the cutest, sweetest, most adorable thing ever but it breaks my heart at the same time!!! She just came inside 3 weeks ago and we’re slowly getting her used to different rooms and the dogs scent and have them get used to hers so she doesn’t yet have free roam of the house. Most of the time she’s in the garage (with a window that I put the tv stand under so she’s has a spot to stand and look out the window) and then we have a second staircase that leads up to a sitting room and she loves the stairs to play on and then hide her toys in the sitting room. My parents’ room is off the sitting room so they’ve been starting to open the door to their room and she’ll hang out in there and watch my dad shave and get ready in the am.

My problem is, my family and friends said I’m the reason she’s becoming soooo attached and codependent. I love our bond but I don’t want her to struggle if I’m not able to be in her part of the house. I spend 95% of my free time with her but I have two jobs and school, so sometimes I’ll beg my sister to “babysit” but she has her own codependent dog. Is this okay? Should I try to cut down on our time together to get her used to being alone more? Am I spoiling her? And if I am, is this bad or good? Her being in this part of the house alone is only temporary but I just feel so bad when she waits hours for me!! She’ll even wait by the door for me if my sister is in here with her!!

 

[Cat_mediator]

If she seems bored, you can try to get her some electric toys... the ones that move with batteries. Also, fish tank or have her watch a fish video will help too. I am sure staying inside when you are not around is quite boring. You have to make sure that you set up a fun playground for her, like cat tunnel, cat tree, and an empty box with different toys inside. Some cats are more fussy than others. Of course she prefers to play with you, but she has to learn to kill time when you are absent too. You might also want to adopt another cat if all else fails. I don't know if she has been socialised well with other cats when she was younger. It depends on her personality.

 

[Ashleyannmerk]

I’ve gotten her the electric toys before and she doesn’t like them much! One of her Christmas presents was this little bird that’s in a small cage and the cage can roll around and the bird swings and chirps and she swatted it a few times and then walked away. I’ll turn it on sometimes and she stares at it more annoyed than anything then moves on. I’ve tried a few others and no interest. Her favorite is the rabbit fur mice on a string and me dangling it on her activity tree or she has one of those cardboard houses and she’ll go inside and I’ll swing the mouse near the “windows” of the house and she stick her paws out and swat or grab it and pull it in the house. She likes when I make the mouse move like it’s real. She has a bucket full of just the little balls and mice and then a few wands with something attached, a few electronic toys, her activity tree, her cardboard box, a few different types of scratching posts and pads some with built in games, a grooming arch, one of those toys where they lay on their back on the fabric and there’s different toys hanging down that they swat. I’m going to order a few more things for her to try. I think she hates not being able to roam the house so we are working on getting her and the dogs used to each other and even if that doesn’t work, I’m moving out next year and bringing her and I’m going to get her either a kitten companion or maybe a mellow puppy. She’s not a huge fan of other animals so I’ll have to be very careful about my choice. I just feel so guilty for leaving her alone so I shower her with attention and affection and everyone is telling me that I’m the one making her so codependent so I don’t know what the right thing to do is!

If she seems bored, you can try to get her some electric toys... the ones that move with batteries. Also, fish tank or have her watch a fish video will help too. I am sure staying inside when you are not around is quite boring. You have to make sure that you set up a fun playground for her, like cat tunnel, cat tree, and an empty box with different toys inside. Some cats are more fussy than others. Of course she prefers to play with you, but she has to learn to kill time when you are absent too. You might also want to adopt another cat if all else fails. I don't know if she has been socialised well with other cats when she was younger. It depends on her personality.

 

[Cat_mediator]

I think it is natural for a cat to be playful. You are not spoiling her. You are actually helping her to be a real cat, albeit living indoor. A lot of people would die to have a bond like you with your cat. It is something to cherish. Anyway, maybe have your family member to play with her while you are gone. She might not like it at first, but you can train her. Play with her while your family member is present, and have them play with her in front of you. Also, have them feed her as well, then she'll be more willing to spend time with them.

 

[Kieka]

She doesn't sound too codependent to me and given the amount of time the bond is pretty incredible. My Mom's cat frequently follows her around and we joke that he's her baby because he is so attached. But she also travels frequently and when she is gone he is a different cat. Not in a bad way but just quieter. Its not like he is depressed and when he really wants cuddles he will seek me out, but he isn't as always present or pacing around her. I really don't know if I am explaining it right. Bottom line is that while he is codependent on her, he is fine when she is gone.

 

[Ashleyannmerk]

It really is amazing how close we’ve gotten just since September. My sister gets so jealous because she’s usually the one the animals flock to but she can’t seem to win over my kitty’s heart. Sometimes I’ll ask her to “babysit” and she’ll go in the garage with her and sit on the couch and Ari will sit by the door waiting for me to come back. The other night I had a bad headache, so I asked my sister to hang out with Ari until she fell asleep and she said Ari sat by the door meowing and then would pace near the door for almost two hours waiting for me. In these situations, is it best for me to go down there and console her? Or is it best for me to let her self soothe and not bring any more attention to me and hope she eventually forgets she misses me. I’m cat-proofing my room this weekend so she can come in my room sometimes, so I think that’ll help a lot. Not only will it let her explore another part of the house, it’ll give her more time with me.

Usually I’ll fall asleep waiting for her to fall asleep then I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and go up to my room. But now, her new thing is to lay on my lap so I can’t leave her. She only starting laying on my lap maybe two weeks ago so it’s really sweet and a huge breakthrough for us but man is she manipulative and smart! Lol

 

[Cat_mediator]

I think she is trying her best to get your attention. Maybe while you are gone, you can set up a surrounding with your odor in it, like your towel on her bed or your t-shirt. You can even have your sister wear your shirt, so she will have your scent on her, your cat might be more willing to play with her.

 

[Ashleyannmerk]

I think she is trying her best to get your attention. Maybe while you are gone, you can set up a surrounding with your odor in it, like your towel on her bed or your t-shirt. You can even have your sister wear your shirt, so she will have your scent on her, your cat might be more willing to play with her.

I was thinking about that!! But I read online that cats recognize people from their voices and scents and me and my sister sound EXACTLY alike. And I don’t want her thinking my sister is me because while she LIKES my sister, she isn’t her biggest fan because my sister annoys her and I don’t want her associating me with being annoyed.

 

[Cat_mediator]

Well, you and your sister look different right? I am sure that your cat can still tell the difference. We are just trying to make her more comfortable around your sister while you are gone. By the way, why does your sister annoy her? Has she done something bad to her? Maybe you can get your sister to be more cooperated with your cat. That way it would help the transitioning.

 

[Ashleyannmerk]

Well, my sister is 23 going on 9. She’s extremely immature and skiddish and has a lot of nervous energy. She LOVES Ari and all animals and normally animals adore her but Ari doesn’t like her nervous energy very much. She’s swatted her so many times and nipped her and has even swatted her in the face - without nails, of course. In Ari’s old home, there was two young kids that she really wasn’t crazy about and I think my sister reminds her a little of them sometimes. She likes my sister but not how she loves me. I ask her all time
time to not yell in front of her or throw all her toys at once and overwhelms her.

Well, you and your sister look different right? I am sure that your cat can still tell the difference. We are just trying to make her more comfortable around your sister while you are gone. By the way, why does your sister annoy her? Has she done something bad to her? Maybe you can get your sister to be more cooperated with your cat. That way it would help the transitioning.