Oh, somebody please tell me I'm not the only person having a rather yucky holiday this year.
I have only just today gotten my money for Christmas shopping. Out of $300, I need to buy gifts for family friends and a tree as well as everything for my daughter. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have definite ideas about what she wants. There will be no presents for hubby or I, there's simply no money for it.
Hubby told me last week that he wants to be "less involved" in our family. He is available so little as it is, between work and holing up in his room. How much less is there? He adds that he doesn't want to get away from me, but he wants to be alone. It's a fine distinction in the root of his feelings, but it still feels like rejection.
We won't be seeing my in-laws this year, since they are in CA and we are in TX. I contacted my aunt about us joining her and her response in part says "Come Christmas Day around 6:00 p.m.........don't think all my children and their families will be arriving for our sharing until mid-day and we need just a little time by ourselves." I'm glad to be included at all and I'm sure now that she has 3 daughters-in-law and several grandchildren that this is true, but it hurts my feelings a little. I'm an only child and an orphan, so without my extended family I feel quite alone.
To top it off, I seem to have the flu. I've spent the last 3 days in bed and no matter what I take, I am tired and congested and achy. I want my mommy to come take care of me, or at least of my daughter because every time she asks me for something - even reasonable things like lunch - I just want to burst into tears from the effort of having to do it.
I know I'm just drowning in self-pity and that lots of other people are far worse off than I am. I'm sure it's just one of those moments when I can't see past my own nose and if I re-read this tomorrow I'll think "I can't believe I was such a whining baby about everything". But right now I'm just miserable.
I have only just today gotten my money for Christmas shopping. Out of $300, I need to buy gifts for family friends and a tree as well as everything for my daughter. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have definite ideas about what she wants. There will be no presents for hubby or I, there's simply no money for it.
Hubby told me last week that he wants to be "less involved" in our family. He is available so little as it is, between work and holing up in his room. How much less is there? He adds that he doesn't want to get away from me, but he wants to be alone. It's a fine distinction in the root of his feelings, but it still feels like rejection.
We won't be seeing my in-laws this year, since they are in CA and we are in TX. I contacted my aunt about us joining her and her response in part says "Come Christmas Day around 6:00 p.m.........don't think all my children and their families will be arriving for our sharing until mid-day and we need just a little time by ourselves." I'm glad to be included at all and I'm sure now that she has 3 daughters-in-law and several grandchildren that this is true, but it hurts my feelings a little. I'm an only child and an orphan, so without my extended family I feel quite alone.
To top it off, I seem to have the flu. I've spent the last 3 days in bed and no matter what I take, I am tired and congested and achy. I want my mommy to come take care of me, or at least of my daughter because every time she asks me for something - even reasonable things like lunch - I just want to burst into tears from the effort of having to do it.
I know I'm just drowning in self-pity and that lots of other people are far worse off than I am. I'm sure it's just one of those moments when I can't see past my own nose and if I re-read this tomorrow I'll think "I can't believe I was such a whining baby about everything". But right now I'm just miserable.