- Joined
- Oct 25, 2012
- Messages
- 109
- Purraise
- 23
Today I have had to face my worst fears. I posted on this site back in 2012 after my cat Tabby spent 2 nights in ICU and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. No one knew if he would pull through, but he did. It was a rough road to recovery, but with meds he managed very well for the past two years.
This morning my worst nightmare happened. Everything was normal, he ate breakfast and went outside in the back yard. A short time later, I heard him meowing and when I went to look out the door, he was dragging his hind legs trying to get to the back door. In my heart I knew what this probably was, and that there was no good outcome. My heart raced, I grabbed him into my arms, hoping he had been hit by a car and only had a broken leg. Deep down I knew better, I had done a lot of research online and knew the high possibility of him developing a blood clot with his heart condition. Needless to say, I got to the vets office in less than 5 minutes, and begged them for pain medication. They gave him a couple of shots and checked his back legs, the paws were cold. This indicated the blood clot. I had no time to even make a decision. I asked them to calm him while I tried to deal with the trauma. They gave him gas to put him under while I held him and cried my eyes out. I then had to make the decision to let him go, because he was in great pain and there is no cure.
I promised him 2 yrs. ago that I wouldn't put him through too much trauma, he was a feral cat and was always terrified of the vet visits. He did go back to ICU once after the first episode, and I could see it took a lot out of him. That is when I made the promise to him. The vet told me the it is very hard to control the pain once there is a clot, and that with his advanced heart condition there was little chance of saving him. Even if they did, he would probably just throw another clot very soon after. I felt so helpless, one minute everything was fine, the next minute I'm having my baby put to sleep.
I'm still in shock, and the house is so empty tonight without him. My husband and I divorced right after Tabby was diagnosed, so I've been handling his care all on my own for the past two years. Now the house is too quiet. He was my very best friend, and got me through some really tough times while I was going through my divorce. Now I feel like somehow I let him down because I had to make a horrible decision. I wasn't given a choice, it feels so unfair. He was the most well-behaved, most loving creature that ever came into my life. Now in an instant, he's gone and his food bowl sits empty. Sleeping tonight without him next to me in my bed will be very difficult. Waking up tomorrow morning and not giving him his baby food and medicine will be even harder. I don't know how this pain in my heart will ever heal. It feels like my heart is broken into a million pieces.
I guess since everyone was so supportive on this site 2 yrs. ago, it just seemed like the right place to come back to and try to find some comfort in writing it all down in words. Thank you for listening. My dearest Tabby, Mom will miss you forever in ways you can't imagine. I love you my dear boy.
This morning my worst nightmare happened. Everything was normal, he ate breakfast and went outside in the back yard. A short time later, I heard him meowing and when I went to look out the door, he was dragging his hind legs trying to get to the back door. In my heart I knew what this probably was, and that there was no good outcome. My heart raced, I grabbed him into my arms, hoping he had been hit by a car and only had a broken leg. Deep down I knew better, I had done a lot of research online and knew the high possibility of him developing a blood clot with his heart condition. Needless to say, I got to the vets office in less than 5 minutes, and begged them for pain medication. They gave him a couple of shots and checked his back legs, the paws were cold. This indicated the blood clot. I had no time to even make a decision. I asked them to calm him while I tried to deal with the trauma. They gave him gas to put him under while I held him and cried my eyes out. I then had to make the decision to let him go, because he was in great pain and there is no cure.
I promised him 2 yrs. ago that I wouldn't put him through too much trauma, he was a feral cat and was always terrified of the vet visits. He did go back to ICU once after the first episode, and I could see it took a lot out of him. That is when I made the promise to him. The vet told me the it is very hard to control the pain once there is a clot, and that with his advanced heart condition there was little chance of saving him. Even if they did, he would probably just throw another clot very soon after. I felt so helpless, one minute everything was fine, the next minute I'm having my baby put to sleep.
I'm still in shock, and the house is so empty tonight without him. My husband and I divorced right after Tabby was diagnosed, so I've been handling his care all on my own for the past two years. Now the house is too quiet. He was my very best friend, and got me through some really tough times while I was going through my divorce. Now I feel like somehow I let him down because I had to make a horrible decision. I wasn't given a choice, it feels so unfair. He was the most well-behaved, most loving creature that ever came into my life. Now in an instant, he's gone and his food bowl sits empty. Sleeping tonight without him next to me in my bed will be very difficult. Waking up tomorrow morning and not giving him his baby food and medicine will be even harder. I don't know how this pain in my heart will ever heal. It feels like my heart is broken into a million pieces.
I guess since everyone was so supportive on this site 2 yrs. ago, it just seemed like the right place to come back to and try to find some comfort in writing it all down in words. Thank you for listening. My dearest Tabby, Mom will miss you forever in ways you can't imagine. I love you my dear boy.
Last edited by a moderator: