Change of behavior - grieving?

[feralhound]

About three weeks ago I lost one of my boys, who was best friends with one of my other boy cats Figs. Right after I put him down I gathered my dog and Figs and ended up staying at my dads house since I was petsitting near his house (and couldn't bare to be at home), but left the female cat Sasha at my house mostly because sometimes she's a bully and chases Figs around. Figs is about 3yrs old, a very friendly dog like cat, comes when he's called, very attention seeking, likes to sit on my chest. He always purrs and licks my face. He loves to be cuddled and held, never gives me any fuss. A couple days before leaving my dads house I noticed him getting a little distant, and now that I'm back at my house I feel his personality has done a 180. I don't think he's purred once since we've been back, he won't sleep with me, he won't come when he's called unless it involves food. The other cat Sasha is doing just fine, she doesn't even seem to be bullying him that much- I think I heard one scuffle. Figs is also a vocal cat- I haven't really heard him make any noise at all. In fact, he spends 90% of his day on my catio. Usually if I go outside, I can call him over and he's a glutton for affection, but now nothing. I thought maybe he's readjusting, I know cats sometimes don't take change, but we've been back home for a week now.
He's eating and drinking fine, seems healthy otherwise, will even play with a toy or two every now and then. I have lost one of my other cats less than a year ago, and he was quiet for a while- but I felt that was due to more of a traumatic experience (my neighbors dogs from down the street got out and ripped open my catio. It is now reinforced and those dogs are gone, but him and Theo hid for house and Figs had a cut on his leg- there is no doubt in my mind that he saw what happened and had a close call himself). This time, Theo just went to the vet and never came back. My other cat Sasha is acting completely fine.
I don't know if it's towards me or not either, my dog came over to him and he licked her head like he always does.

Can a cats personality change so drastically for so long after loosing a close fellow cat? These two would sleep together, groom each other, ect. I feel like I have lost two cats instead of one, like loosing Theo wasn't hard enough. Anything I can do to help him?

I'm probably going to take him to my vet next week just to make sure nothing's going on medical wise just in case.

 

[lykakitty]

I'm so sorry about your kitty.

Definitely take Figs in to get checked by the vet, just to be sure. It's always a good idea with any big change in personality. This does sound like grieving to me, though, especially if they were as close as you say. Cats can become very closely bonded with other cats in the house and it takes a period of adjustment and grieving after they lose them, just like it does for us. I lost my oldest Isy last summer and she was very close with my other cat Maya. Isy took up the role of mama kitty after I rescued Maya and would protect her and groom her and they would always sleep cuddled next to each other. After Isy passed away Maya acted almost exactly like this. She became very quiet and distant and hid almost all the time, or if she wasn't hiding would check in all of Isy's favorite spots like she was looking for her. She didn't sleep up on my bed or come to me for pets at all like normal. This lasted for about 2 months before she slowly started coming out again and acting like her old self. The time of course varies from cat to cat but if it is just his grieving process he will recover, you just need to give him time. Make sure to give him plenty of love when he lets you and try to keep up a routine similar to before losing Theo, cats like to have a relatively reliable daily routine and it seems to be comforting for them to know that it's still there after something like this happens.

 

[ginny]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your kitty and Figs' bestie.  It sounds like Figs was hoping to find his friend back at your house, and when he didn't, it kinda kicked in for him.  Poor kitty.  Is he friends with the dog?  Maybe they will become close now.  Hopefully.  

 

[jaxtabby]

I had two neutered females who live outside my office with three other colonies of cats in our compound. All were fixed and retuned to the compound to live long and healthy lives. These two girls were the oldest and mother to several others in the colony.

One day one of the old girls was not acting well and would not come to eat. The other would only leave long enough to eat and go right back to her side. They were still feral and not a,cat you could pick up and get to the vet. The next day the sick girl was gone along with her friend. When it came time to feed them the one would come out of the woods to eat and then go right back to the woods. This went on for two or three days and then the one cat did not come out of the woods anymore to eat.

The next day I found both dead right next to each other in the woods. It was sad but shows how bonded these animals can become. Maybe with time yours will recover but these two girls were 14-15 years old and had a great live together.

 

[feralhound]

Thank you for your replies. These cats are the first cats I've ever had, there are still things I am learning from them behavior wise from living with them. I have always been led to believe that all cats are independent solitaire animals, and my boys have proved me wrong. (That's Theo and Figs in my avatar, I would often find them together like this. Theo is the tabby with white markings).
Figs and my dog Rin are also extremely close, I have videos of Figs grooming Rin, and rubbing up against her and sleeping with her like he would with Theo. He's just a love bug all the way around, I'm sure he'd love on the other cat Sasha if she would be open to it. I feel really bad as I had moved thing around the house already without realizing this wasn't a good idea, and my room mate had done a lot of cleaning and washed the blankets/febreezed the furniture while I was gone which I'm sure probably didn't help. But this morning was the first day Figs actually elected to get up and sleep on my lap, so at least that's something.

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• feralhound
• Jul 6, 2016

 

[catlover73]

I agree that Theo is grieving over losing Figs.  Cats can and do grieve just like humans. The process is different for each cat just like it is different for each human.  Grieving is a process that has stages and one moves through them in their own way and pace. You are doing things right with Theo while he is grieving by being there to give him extra love and attention on his terms.  I agree that he might have been expecting his buddy to be there when you got home.  One thing you can try if Theo will go for it is extra play time. If he wants to play it can be a great way to help establish a new routine with him.  Play time can also be a great distraction if you notice he is searching for his buddy.  

I know this may sound odd but have you actually sat down and explained to Theo that Figs is gone and will not be coming home.  I had to do this with my bonded brothers when their adopted mommy passed away at the vets office.  I also used this technique when a friend's you cat passed away unexpectedly in his sleep. My friend had to go out of town on a business trip for a new job two days after her cat passed away.  I was cat sitting and her other cat was looking for his buddy.  My brothers would not go for play time but it worked well with my friend's cat.

 

[jaxtabby]

Just give Figs some extra love and attention.  It will not replace his friend but might help him forget over time.

What a great looking family!