Cats Still Not Getting On!!!!

[Claudia01]

Hi,
I posted awhile ago about my cats not getting on, nothing much has changed Misty (resident cat) is still hissing and growling at Smokey ( rescue cat). She won't come down at all when he's around. They got into a fight last week, there was so much fur but thankfully as far as I could tell no injuries. I keep stopping Smokey from going near her on the tower but it just seems to make him more determined. He snuck up there again while I was busy. Really don't want to take him back and I know it can take a long time, but it's been over 2 months with no improvement. This morning when I came in the front room Misty had kicked half the litter all over the floor. She has even started hissing at us occasionally. Wish I could know if this will get better.

 

[walli]

I think someone will come along, some people always link to this
How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction

I think you need to go thru reintroduction because of the fighting
I have 2 cats separated right now, because one escaped his part of the house
and they got into a fight, He just wanted to play i think but my Feral didn't know it.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I hate to be the bearer of bad(ish) news, but two months really is not that long at all in the world of cat introductions. You just cannot go any faster than the most reluctant cat, and you have to be patient enough to let that cat set the pace at every step of the introduction, or re-introduction, as the case may be. You have to be very zen about the whole thing, not allowing the amount of time it is taking to make you tense, or thinking in terms of "should be." The link that W walli gave you is excellent. This can be fixed, but you'll have to be in it for the long haul.

 

[Claudia01]

Thank you Walli and Mamanyt1953, I guess I really didn't realise how stressful it was going to be and I'm so worried for Misty she seems so unhappy and I feel so guilty, as well as upset thinking I may have to take take Smokey back who I have grown so attached to.
Think I will do reintroductions when I come back from my holiday as they will be separated, if things are still not going well in another month.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Remember to breathe deep and RELAX! Your cats will pick up on your tension, and react, probably towards each other. I know how hard it can be to remain relaxed about it, but try. Meditation can help, so can a hot cup of chamomile tea, sweetened with honey (sugar and chamomile just don't play well together).

 

[Claudia01]

Remember to breathe deep and RELAX! Your cats will pick up on your tension, and react, probably towards each other. I know how hard it can be to remain relaxed about it, but try. Meditation can help, so can a hot cup of chamomile tea, sweetened with honey (sugar and chamomile just don't play well together).

I will try but I am finding it a struggle, thank you for your support, my mum thinks I should just take Smokey back as she thinks it will never work out she's not really a cat person, and doesn't understand how we could be so attached to him in a few months.

 

[KarenKat]

I just posted to someone else today about cat introductions - not sure what I would have done if I had known we wouldn't have peace(ish) with all 3 in the same room for 7 months. It's my first one and I kept wanting to hurry it along and my boyfriend said it could take a week or more and I was shocked! And here we are half a year later...

We had chases, not fights but it is stressful. I'm glad to hear you are going on holiday, sounds like it will help to get away from it all and relax with time for yourself.

Don't feel guilty, they will recover and may even be happy for a friend. Don't forget to say "no" once in a while and take a little break from the cat stress. It eventually gets to all of us.

 

[Claudia01]

I just posted to someone else today about cat introductions - not sure what I would have done if I had known we wouldn't have peace(ish) with all 3 in the same room for 7 months. It's my first one and I kept wanting to hurry it along and my boyfriend said it could take a week or more and I was shocked! And here we are half a year later...

We had chases, not fights but it is stressful. I'm glad to hear you are going on holiday, sounds like it will help to get away from it all and relax with time for yourself.

Don't feel guilty, they will recover and may even be happy for a friend. Don't forget to say "no" once in a while and take a little break from the cat stress. It eventually gets to all us

Thank you nice to know I'm no alone, I am definitely working on not getting so stressed by it all. Just want a peaceful home again, hope to one day be able to post on here that everything has finally worked out. Either that or lose my sanity

 

[Mamanyt1953]

LOL, maybe your mom needs that cup of chamomile tea! Let her read this, and she'll have a better idea of what kind of time-frame we're looking at.

 

[Adway]

Do you think you can try 'Comfort Zone Feliway Diffuser Kit for Cat Calming'?

Disclosure: I have not tried it yet. I only read a review of the product on Amazon, where cat's humans were having same problem. I have ordered it though.

 

[Timmer]

I'm going to give you another point of view and I know people won't like me for this, so take it with a grain of salt, please.
Whenever I have had two cats they worked it out within a week. I just let them handle it and they did. I even brought a stray into my home with my resident cat years and years ago, and they hissed at each other once and that was it. Granted over the years they would get into fights but they would go into their corners and then things were fine. It all depends on the cats. Sometimes a mature stable cat can handle a newcomer. Sometimes the newcomer wants to be the boss and it just causes conflict.

8 years ago I lost a cat to kidney failure, and that left me with one cat. I thought I would get another so I brought home Timmer. It never worked out between him and my resident cat but...I was in love with him. Things were so bad my resident started spraying up the house and I had to build a door at the top of my second floor and one cat lived upstairs and one lived downstairs. We did this for 8 years. Timmer has passed on in January. They fought the entire eight years.

If I were to ever get another cat for my resident, if they didn't work it out in a couple of weeks, I would take the new one back. It's not worth the stress. I have been tempted recently to get another cat and my vet told me last week, if you do, get one from a shelter where you can return it if need be and do not wait longer than a month.

So I say this to tell you do not feel pressured. I know you love this new cat. Give it a bit more time if you want to - for sure! you never know. But you don't want to put the resident cat through stress and hell unnecessarily. Many cats are like people -- they don't need another cat/person around.
I really do hope it works out for all of you!!!! That would be wonderful.

 

[Claudia01]

Do you think you can try 'Comfort Zone Feliway Diffuser Kit for Cat Calming'?

Disclosure: I have not tried it yet. I only read a review of the product on Amazon, where cat's humans were having same problem. I have ordered it though.

Yes I have tried Feliway plug in and spray doesn't seem to make any difference, I also have them on calming herbal drop.

 

[Claudia01]

I'm going to give you another point of view and I know people won't like me for this, so take it with a grain of salt, please.
Whenever I have had two cats they worked it out within a week. I just let them handle it and they did. I even brought a stray into my home with my resident cat years and years ago, and they hissed at each other once and that was it. Granted over the years they would get into fights but they would go into their corners and then things were fine. It all depends on the cats. Sometimes a mature stable cat can handle a newcomer. Sometimes the newcomer wants to be the boss and it just causes conflict.

8 years ago I lost a cat to kidney failure, and that left me with one cat. I thought I would get another so I brought home Timmer. It never worked out between him and my resident cat but...I was in love with him. Things were so bad my resident started spraying up the house and I had to build a door at the top of my second floor and one cat lived upstairs and one lived downstairs. We did this for 8 years. Timmer has passed on in January. They fought the entire eight years.

If I were to ever get another cat for my resident, if they didn't work it out in a couple of weeks, I would take the new one back. It's not worth the stress. I have been tempted recently to get another cat and my vet told me last week, if you do, get one from a shelter where you can return it if need be and do not wait longer than a month.

So I say this to tell you do not feel pressured. I know you love this new cat. Give it a bit more time if you want to - for sure! you never know. But you don't want to put the resident cat through stress and hell unnecessarily. Many cats are like people -- they don't need another cat/person around.
I really do hope it works out for all of you!!!! That would be wonderful.

Hi this is what I'm afraid of, Misty has changed since we got Smokey she sleeps more, will not come down if he's in the room, is eating less, is less affectionate and very nervous. She even hisses at us on occasion, I do hate seeing her so unhappy. It's so hard as we've had Smokey for about 3 months now and we have all become so attached to him, he is such a character. I'm really hoping things will work out, I don't think I could cope with having them permanently separated as we live in a flat and Smokey hates being locked in my room it wouldn't be fair to him.

 

[KarenKat]

I don’t think many people would live with permanent separation. I think Timmer is amazing that he did that so long, and also correct that, while heartbreaking, there is nothing wrong with deciding the stress is too much for humans or cats.

Our Olive came twice-abandoned from the backyard of our rental. She’s sweet, affectionate and spunky. Gohan takes a long time to decide if he likes something, and after a little while decided no new cat is best and would chase her to her safe room everytime he saw her. As she pushed back and started coming out more, he got extra needy with us, but also cam downstairs less and less and reduced his own territory to where he felt safe. We started feeding him upstairs to make sure he was eating enough.

Now that we are doing much better with the integration (interesting enough it got a lot better after we went away for a week) he has started reclaiming his territory and moving more freely about the house. This has taken 7 months, and it is a testament to how spunky Olive is. If she were more aggressive or more timid we might have rehomed her. After 3 or 4 months we were seeing very small reduction in the intensity and frequency of the chases, so we know otnwas getting better very slowly. However this was when he retreated upstairs more, which did make us sad for him.

Every intro is different, and that makes it hard to get advice. We had to let a few altercations happen because they do need to work things out themselves. You know the situation best, and I don’t believe anyone would blame you if you have it a solid 2 months and decided it wasn’t worth the stress. Or if you decide that you will give it more time. You are amazing for putting in so much effort, care and love into these kitties.

 

[Timmer]

KarenKat -- yeah, see that's the thing. My little Lupita did not know how to fight back when Timmer arrived. In fact, she approached him so friendly but he shot out after her like she was a bunny rabbit, chased her around all three floors of the house until she hid up in the basement rafters. I never saw anything like it. And the aggression really never settled. See, I took bad advice -- everyone -- including the shelter -- told me oh, give it time. It never worked out. But Timmer turned out to be my soulmate and the love of my life. I still mourn him.

Lupita and Tina were brought into the house together and that was what made it work. That, and Tina was an older, very confident cat. She wouldn't fight and Lupita sat on the dining room table for about 5 days until she realized Tina was getting all the affection and having fun, so she decided to join the family. I only had Tina four years and she died. That was shocking.

The separation was bad. For one thing, I got the cats down to a routine of switching them around once a day. When I got home, I let Lupita come downstairs and Timmer went up. Most of the time Lupita slept with me and he would scream his head off, sometimes all night and I got no sleep, or I would have to go downstairs and sleep on the couch with him. I never took vacations because of the switching around and I knew no one else could do that for them because Lupita doesn't like to be held and I could never catch her. I haven't had a vacation in 8 years. If I ever find a cat sitter I will go away eventually.

Claudia01 -- those Feliway products and herbal things never worked for me. I wish I could have all the money back that I spent on that stuff. I even hired a trainer who eventually said "I can't help you. It's who he is. He's aggressive. You can't change that." And I also put my cats on prozac for awhile. It stopped Lupita from spraying but it didn't help them get along. What's the litter box situation with your cats? Are both cats allowing the other one to go/use it? I would draw the line right there if not.
How about just spending some extra time with Misty? Letting her know she is loved. I am guessing Smokey is getting a lot of attention right now.
Aww...I feel so bad for you. It's tough.

 

[Claudia01]

I don’t think many people would live with permanent separation. I think Timmer is amazing that he did that so long, and also correct that, while heartbreaking, there is nothing wrong with deciding the stress is too much for humans or cats.

Our Olive came twice-abandoned from the backyard of our rental. She’s sweet, affectionate and spunky. Gohan takes a long time to decide if he likes something, and after a little while decided no new cat is best and would chase her to her safe room everytime he saw her. As she pushed back and started coming out more, he got extra needy with us, but also cam downstairs less and less and reduced his own territory to where he felt safe. We started feeding him upstairs to make sure he was eating enough.

Now that we are doing much better with the integration (interesting enough it got a lot better after we went away for a week) he has started reclaiming his territory and moving more freely about the house. This has taken 7 months, and it is a testament to how spunky Olive is. If she were more aggressive or more timid we might have rehomed her. After 3 or 4 months we were seeing very small reduction in the intensity and frequency of the chases, so we know otnwas getting better very slowly. However this was when he retreated upstairs more, which did make us sad for him.

Every intro is different, and that makes it hard to get advice. We had to let a few altercations happen because they do need to work things out themselves. You know the situation best, and I don’t believe anyone would blame you if you have it a solid 2 months and decided it wasn’t worth the stress. Or if you decide that you will give it more time. You are amazing for putting in so much effort, care and love into these kitties.

They can be in the same room, but the problem is Misty will not come down when he's around and will hiss and growl whenever he goes near her. I must admit I'm probably protecting her to much, as if he trys to go near her I will divert his attention or tell him no and he will get down. On the rare occasion she's down he will chase her and she will hiss and scream, the last time large chunks of fur went flying. He is always silent. I put Smokey in my bedroom at times throughout the day or when were out and Misty will come down and have a run around use the litter tray etc. I make sure I give her attention. I don't want to give up on him as I would feel so bad having to return him, the kids have also grown attached. I have been in contact with the rescue to let them know what's going on, they are happy to take him back. But we all got upset at the thought of returning him.

 

[Claudia01]

KarenKat -- yeah, see that's the thing. My little Lupita did not know how to fight back when Timmer arrived. In fact, she approached him so friendly but he shot out after her like she was a bunny rabbit, chased her around all three floors of the house until she hid up in the basement rafters. I never saw anything like it. And the aggression really never settled. See, I took bad advice -- everyone -- including the shelter -- told me oh, give it time. It never worked out. But Timmer turned out to be my soulmate and the love of my life. I still mourn him.

Lupita and Tina were brought into the house together and that was what made it work. That, and Tina was an older, very confident cat. She wouldn't fight and Lupita sat on the dining room table for about 5 days until she realized Tina was getting all the affection and having fun, so she decided to join the family. I only had Tina four years and she died. That was shocking.

The separation was bad. For one thing, I got the cats down to a routine of switching them around once a day. When I got home, I let Lupita come downstairs and Timmer went up. Most of the time Lupita slept with me and he would scream his head off, sometimes all night and I got no sleep, or I would have to go downstairs and sleep on the couch with him. I never took vacations because of the switching around and I knew no one else could do that for them because Lupita doesn't like to be held and I could never catch her. I haven't had a vacation in 8 years. If I ever find a cat sitter I will go away eventually.

Claudia01 -- those Feliway products and herbal things never worked for me. I wish I could have all the money back that I spent on that stuff. I even hired a trainer who eventually said "I can't help you. It's who he is. He's aggressive. You can't change that." And I also put my cats on prozac for awhile. It stopped Lupita from spraying but it didn't help them get along. What's the litter box situation with your cats? Are both cats allowing the other one to go/use it? I would draw the line right there if not.
How about just spending some extra time with Misty? Letting her know she is loved. I am guessing Smokey is getting a lot of attention right now.
Aww...I feel so bad for you. It's tough.

Oh my goodness don't get me started on the amount of money I've spent on all these calming products. Trust me to have cats that are immune, catnip also does nothing for Misty. The situation at present is that Misty will not come down when Smokey is in the room. I put him in my room at various times or when we are out so Misty can come down run around, use the litter box etc. She will hiss and growl if he goes near her on her cat tree, nothing has changed in that respect. I will divert him away from her, or tell him no and he will get down. I am very protective of her as the last time she was down, he chased her while she was hissing and screaming. Chunks of fur went flying it was awful, no injuries thank goodness. Here he is acting all cute and innocent, he is such a character

 

[Timmer]

OK, I'm going to say this and again, you may not like it, so I apologize. If your cat cannot easily use the litter box when she wants to, then that's not a good quality life for her. How would it be if you were only allowed to use the restroom at certain times of the day. Misty could get a UTI. That's what happened in my house. Lupita was too frightened to use the litter box and she got a UTI.
Being chased around and having your hair ripped out is not a good life. The fact that she won't stand up to him is the problem I had. Sounds like that is the problem you are having. I totally get that you are all attached to the other cat but think about your resident cat.
I wish you luck in your decision.

 

[KarenKat]

Timmer oh wow, you deserve a medal and a vacation! You’re right, some cats will just not get along, and to so carefully site swap religiously for 8 years is so impressive and amazing. Your story is lovely and tragic. This is actually my first cat integration, and if we had actual fights with a lot of blood or fur, or if we had seen no progress at all from Gohan, Olive would have been rehomed. Or if Olive has been timid and hid more. She is kind of my soulmate cat, but I could not have kept her under those terms.

As it is, these 7 months have been so stressful and hard, in hindsight I might have rehomed Olive had I known. Now I’m so happy I have her, but I always say I wouldn’t wish a long integration on my worst enemy. Claudia01 , I’m so sorry you are going through it. A big part of our problems was either Feliway didn’t help or the house is too drafty. Catnip winds Gohan up, and he doesn’t really play well under good circumstances so we couldn’t tire him out. He wasn’t treat or food motivated, and at the beginning he was so nerved up at the new cat that just touching to try and distract or reward would actually cause a chase. So we had little in our toolbelts.

Have you considered a cat behaviorist (a la Jackson Galaxy)? They are very expensive but maybe they can help you with a feline perspective that you aren’t aware of. Or they may think that rehoming is a better option. We talked about it ourselves, but we decided not to based on price and the fact that we already understood Gohan takes ages to act on something so he can think it through first, and we knew to give him time.

 

[Claudia01]

OK, I'm going to say this and again, you may not like it, so I apologize. If your cat cannot easily use the litter box when she wants to, then that's not a good quality life for her. How would it be if you were only allowed to use the restroom at certain times of the day. Misty could get a UTI. That's what happened in my house. Lupita was too frightened to use the litter box and she got a UTI.
Being chased around and having your hair ripped out is not a good life. The fact that she won't stand up to him is the problem I had. Sounds like that is the problem you are having. I totally get that you are all attached to the other cat but think about your resident cat.
I wish you luck in your decision.

When I made the decision to get a cat from a rescue, it wasn't taken lightly as I know he had been through a lot. I feel strongly that I must at least give it a good chance. Of course I also have Misty to think of, which makes it all the more difficult. I have read many different accounts of peoples experiences and I guess I am hoping for a happy ending, if not I know I will have to take him back. If she really needs to use the litter tray she will come down, as she did a couple of times. They are also separated overnight.