Cats Playing Or Fighting?

[belginveli]

Hi! My boyfriend and I got a new cat over Christmas from the local shelter. He is a 7 month old male cat. He was extremely shy at the beginning, but then he got used to us and he is a very cute little boy now!

We already had one cat, who is a 6 year old female, also a rescue that we got around 2 years ago. She was socialized from a young age, that's why she was never shy. We were told at the shelter that she had at least three litters as she was living as a stray cat, so she has had her share of taking care of babies.

We were very careful in introducing them. We only introduced the new cat to our existing cat once he got used to being around us. We took our time and followed Jackson Galaxy's method, we only let them see each other when they were eating etc. At first the female cat would growl and hiss and chase the boy, but then it kind of stopped. Now the female cat is always grooming the boy as he purrs away. They don't exactly cuddle but they will sleep next to each other, especially at night when we are all in bed.

The female cat sometimes chases the male cat, still. Especially if he is playing and running around, she will chase him and he will go and hide under the bed/couch and stay there for a bit. If she catches him she won't do anything though.

When the female cat is using the litterbox, the boy, very occasionally, hides and tries to scare her when she comes out. It's very obvious that he wants to play. She ignores him. On the other hand, the boy never chases the female cat. He also never grooms her. He sometimes rubs against her, headbumps her, but she doesn't do this to him. She only grooms him, and she can do this for hours.

So, my question is: are they playing or fighting? Is the female cat being dominant and aggressive? I don't think she hates him, because if she hated him she wouldn't groom him all the time. Any advice on how we can fix this?

 

[ArtNJ]

There is nothing in your post that sounds like fighting. Chasing the smaller cat but "not doing anything" to him when she catches him sounds like she is trying to play, but not willing to force it if the young one doesn't really want too. That is actually quite rare, more cats are jerks about it, ignoring whether the other cat actually wants to play. Grooming and headbutting with purring are not consistent with fighting -- they are signs of affection. She may have a bit of mothering instinct towards the younger one. As long as you get him neutered very promptly, if he isn't already, this bodes well for them long term.

The only issue here, and I don't think its likely real problem, is that your 7 month old seems to be lacking the confidence to play when the bigger cat initiates. And then when he tries to play, he doesn't seem to do it right. "Trying to scare" another cat does happen sometimes, and is a kind of play, but more generally, and much more commonly, he would try and pounce her when she comes out of the litter box or around a corner or whatever. Or just generally fling himself on her whenever, or flop down on his back, paws up, in the classive defensive position, urging her to play attack him. She is likely ignoring him because he isn't doing the normal thing and leaping on her, and neither is he assuming the classic defensive position, which is also an invitation to play.

So...I'm not hearing anything that you need to fix. Rather, the young one may just need a little more time to gain the confidence to play normally with the older one. It *is* a bit odd that he lacks confidence given the grooming, headbutting and purring. Is there still a massive size difference? Normally, a seventh month old is big enough that this wouldn't be a huge issue, but of course adult cats come in a wide range of sizes, and sometimes size does impact how they play. How long ago was the big one a bit hostile to the younger one? He might not be fully "over it," at least not enough to get rough.

Regardless, everything seems fine. Good even; the older one seems to have fully accepted the younger one, maybe even feel a tad motherly towards him, which very much does not always happen.

 

[Genesis123]

"Fighting" usually involves a lot of hissing, rumbling, squealing, staring down each other -- any or all, at once. "Playing" doesn't, though cats might rumble (wrestle), but they don't squeal while doing it, except for a momentary noise, perhaps. It's been my experience (in almost 20 years of having cats), that a male and female rarely fight. (It would take a lot of anger for one to attack the other -- and the anger doesn't last... though they, perhaps, might not hang around together if they decide they don't like each other*.)

* I should add -- They might not hang around together, even if they do like each other. That's not a sole indicator of their warmth towards each other.

Too, one might swat (with a little hiss) at the other -- esp. the female at the male -- if the one doesn't want the other around, at that moment, or if, say, the female thinks the young male is getting to "close" (in a friendly, or maternal, way). They will just be setting their boundaries, as they continue to get to know each other.

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS. We have an article called Are My Cats Fighting Or Playing? | TheCatSite that you might find helpful. It mentions body language to watch for. As well, has pictures and videos of cats both playing and fighting.

 

[belginveli]

"Fighting" usually involves a lot of hissing, rumbling, squealing, staring down each other -- any or all, at once. "Playing" doesn't, though cats might rumble (wrestle), but they don't squeal while doing it, except for a momentary noise, perhaps. It's been my experience (in almost 20 years of having cats), that a male and female rarely fight. (It would take a lot of anger for one to attack the other -- and the anger doesn't last... though they, perhaps, might not hang around together if they decide they don't like each other*.)

* I should add -- They might not hang around together, even if they do like each other. That's not a sole indicator of their warmth towards each other.

Too, one might swat (with a little hiss) at the other -- esp. the female at the male -- if the one doesn't want the other around, at that moment, or if, say, the female thinks the young male is getting to "close" (in a friendly, or maternal, way). They will just be setting their boundaries, as they continue to get to know each other.

Thank you so much for detailed answer. The size difference is not so big, but he was quite small when we got him compared to our female cat, so maybe he still remembers how that felt...

I think it's true that he lacks confidence. We will play with him more from now on to help build up his confidence.