Cats grieving other cats

[snickerdoodle]

Sorry if this has been posted elsewhere but it's the first time I've dealt with this, we've always been a 1 cat household since I was little, so Chickster and Boo were a special deal.
Since Boo passed back on 08/02, and actually, before that, when he started really declining, Chickster noticed and left him alone (Really, probably closer to June, she started that) But since about July, she stopped coming into the bathroom. It was a daily ritual and she would always (sorry for the TMI) burst through the bathroom door like Hi! Here I am! Let's get some sink and tub water! Because Boo always got his tub water in the mornings. Well that quit. And since Boo has passed especially, she wouldn't come into the bathroom EVER. Not even by herself. She laid outside of it, she'd look in there, but never go in there. Just starting yesterday, she finally started tapping the door open and sneaking in while I was in there. It was strange, like I said, never gone through this.
I'm sure she's grieving... but I'm not sure what to do to make her feel better other than load her with a lot of attention, especially since we've got the other 3 outside (not counting Rocky who is a pop-up-whenever-to-eat kinda cat).
I've still got Boo's red tent and Chickster's got her black one, but I've caught her sleeping/resting in the red one more often lately. We figure she's working through Boo passing, but not entirely sure what, if anything, we should do. I've been smothering her with attention, and trying to get back to a regular schedule to help get things back to "normal".

She also stopped getting on the bed with me and has only recently started doing it again. She's only one laid down and slept with me for awhile and that was earlier this week.

Boo and Chickster weren't close in an obvious way, if they were I didn't know it. She liked to joke on him and he just wanted her out of sight out of mind, but I think it's really bothered her.

Eh, any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks guys. I worry too much and especially about my babies.

 

[2furgirls]

Had a similar problem. Our furboy died leaving a grieving young "fur-widow". What we have observed is that cats (pets) handle grief the same as humans, perhaps also in other dimensions we only can imagine they inhabit.

--She totally reverted to "babyhood", if she could have started sucking her thumb she would have!

--We set up a spot in our home where his food bowl, his leash, his 2nd favorite toy (we buried his favorite toy with him), and a memorial candle. For one year, we said prayers for his spirit (lighting the candle) when we felt like it, or felt she needed it, and brought her to the "services". We made a memorial video for him, which played a certain song. IOW, we included her as part of our grieving and celebrating his life after all they are part of our family life.

--At first she stopped eating. Although they used to eat the same wet and dry food, she would never eat that wet or dry food again. That drove us nuts. She lost about 3 pounds over 6 months.

--We had to start all over again with her like a Baby Cat and dropper feed her Colostrum, and Babycat kibble. We consulted a pet therapist.

--We used "gallons" of Bach Flowers Rescue Remedy for a year.

-- She stopped playing with anything. She became afraid. She wanted to live under the bed only.

-- We ended up getting her another playmate. Boy did that ever bring her around, but it took another 6 months.

Hope the grief fades soon, I suspect an aspect of this is that some pets "pace" our reactions as well.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

It sounds to me like Chickster is starting to come around now, since she went in to the bathroom on her own, and got on the bed with you again. It does take time, and I think what you are doing, giving her extra attention and love, is what she needs. Plus time. That's what you need, right? Same goes for her.

As I know you are WELL aware, just make sure she is eating ok. I'm guessing she is, since you didn't mention that as an issue.

Hugs to both of you!

 

[frankthetank]

I have not had much experience with cats grieving.
Last year we lost our oldest cat, who was the mama cat to a couple of our other ones. She got real sick, and passed a couple days later. The cats seemed to know it was coming, and we didn't see much grieving after.
Earlier this year, one of our other cats got sick. Deke (sick cat) was super close to Jake, our now oldest cat. They were always together, washed each other, followed each other etc. Deke went to the vet two days after we noticed his symptoms, and he ended up being put down at the vet due to his illness. We got back, and Jake was so confused to not see Deke come back. As the days passed, Jake got very very depressed and would not eat or do anything. We read a lot online about cats and the way they grieve, and when we got Deke's remains, it included a little lock of hair. We let Jake sniff the hair a bit, and it seemed to make him feel a little better. Every once in awhile when he seems to be walking around missing Deke, we take out the lock of hair and let Jake sniff it.
Do youhave anything that might still have the other kitty's smell on it? Good luck with your kitty, its hard to see them sad

 

[otto]

It's terrible when the kitties left behind grieve, but it is normal and Chickster will get through it with your loving care.

I almost lost my Tolly when his Bibbs left us, it was so sudden and I was so distraught, I never even had him say good bye. he grieved deeply for three weeks, finally I had to take him to the vet I was so concerned, he got some fluids and a B-12 shot. That seemed to break the thrall of his grief, he started coming out into the living room again, but he looked for Bibbs for months, it was terrible how he called for her at night, and it took a full year for him to get back to normal. He did loose a tiny bit of his sparkle that never came back.

He also developed a fear of me leaving with any other cat in the carrier, he waits by the door until I come home with the cat in question, he still does that and Bibbs has now been gone over 5 1/2 years. I worried so much about when he lost his precious Ootay, but it was different, he did grieve, but he knew she was leaving us, so he knew where she was. It was my fault about Bibbs, I didn't let him say good bye.

If you have some feliway you can get that plugged in, and some Rescue Remedy can help too. Otherwise, just give her as much attention as you can to help her through it. And she ca help you, too.

 

[snickerdoodle]

Thank you for the help. Yes, she is eating and drinking water. She is even starting to play on her own again. NOw that I think about it, I did notice her looking worried the last few times I took Boo to the vet.

It seems like she is relaxing a bit and things are getting better. Hopefully we can integrate Boca into the house and she will have a playmate. I think they are close in age. He is very friendly. WE will see. Thank you guys <

 

[piikki]

Did any of you bring the lost cat's body back home for the other cats to check out? I remember seeing something about this and I always thought I would have to do it to have any chance with my boys. I am just wondering if it helps or traumatizes more.

It's terrible about the carrier phobia. I already worry about Ossi because he is so dependent and is a nervous wreck when his brothers get sick. He gets worried if I take anybody out but if ever anybody else goes out in the carrier, he will park himself in it for days after it comes back. I find this weird because I would think the carrier will smell of vet and fear and car terror after appointments. I think he is so worried I will take it and his brother back out without him.

I hope your mourning will soon ease.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

Originally Posted by otto

He did loose a tiny bit of his sparkle that never came back.

He also developed a fear of me leaving with any other cat in the carrier, he waits by the door until I come home with the cat in question, he still does that and Bibbs has now been gone over 5 1/2 years.

OMG, Otto, this is so sad!

 

[2furgirls]

Originally Posted by piikki

Did any of you bring the lost cat's body back home for the other cats to check out? I remember seeing something about this and I always thought I would have to do it to have any chance with my boys. I am just wondering if it helps or traumatizes more.

It's terrible about the carrier phobia. I already worry about Ossi because he is so dependent and is a nervous wreck when his brothers get sick. He gets worried if I take anybody out but if ever anybody else goes out in the carrier, he will park himself in it for days after it comes back. I find this weird because I would think the carrier will smell of vet and fear and car terror after appointments. I think he is so worried I will take it and his brother back out without him.

I hope your mourning will soon ease.

We did, even prepped the body for pre-burial, by wrapping in silks, positioning, enclosing semi-precious stones and his favorite toy. A dignified and serious treatment, before he left for burial. We said prayers for his spirit not to linger but to move on. We thanked him for all the lessons he taught us, and all the unconditional love. It definitely helped everyone, and his "fur widow" actually stayed calm through all that. Everyone brought flowers got rescue remedy and incense was burning. We had decided long before this, to have "services" just as we would for "any family member". We went to our temple as usual, but lit candles for him, there and at home. And on key anniversary dates, 40 days, 1 year etc.

May your period of grieving and mourning be easy, and be replaced with understanding and joy.

 

[2furgirls]

Originally Posted by otto

He also developed a fear of me leaving with any other cat in the carrier, he waits by the door until I come home with the cat in question, he still does that and Bibbs has now been gone over 5 1/2 years.

It breaks your heart when they do that, we had been gone for an entire day with the new Baby Soleste at the vet once, and same thing, Princess hadn't eaten or gone potty once while we were out, just a fixture waiting.

So now we just take them both in the carrier, even though only one has the appointment. They huddle together in great fright, as they both hate car rides, and vets, but at least they are together and comfort each other.

 

[snickerdoodle]

Yes, I did much research well before it was time on Boo's passing and how to help Chickster through it. I brought his body back with me because I wanted him buried in my yard with my other loving animals who have also passed. He has his own headstone I carved into brick. Mom held him, I held him, kissed him, cried, then laid his body down on the carpet and moved away so Chickster could smell him. She moved towards him, growled, hissed, sniffed, and ran away. We waited, but she did not come back, and I felt it was time to bury him. I was so distraught it was all really a blur. I knew it was important to let her smell him, but she didn't come very close, maybe within 2 feet or so.

She is doing better now but still not sleeping on my bed. She is back to her running fits, chasing bugs and is getting interested in Boca. Things seem to be looking up. Thank you for all of your help.

 

[snickerdoodle]

I just wanted to add something interesting that happened today. I took the red tent of Boo's and put it out in the sun room for Boca, since we are bringing him in at night and will be doing it nightly since it is getting so cold outside, and getting the two feral females an igloo of sometime to sleep in, if I can't tame them down quick enough.

Well, Chickster came to my room awhile ago and noticed it missing where I had it sat on top of a folded feather bed. She got on the feather bed and started jumping up the wall and scratching all the way down, and for 20 minutes she acted like a total spoiled mean princess doing whatever destructive thing she wanted. So finally .. I'm so slow guys .. I said, "Chickster! You want his tent? I'll get his tent! I let Boca sleep in it!" And I went, got it, put it back, and she's totally stopped all the behavior. She's not IN the tent right now, but was last night for a very long time.

I wasn't too worried about using the red tent since I have a swatch of his fur that came with the vetwrap from his very last visit that I let her smell every once in awhile when she seems down. I hope I didn't really screw up, but it was something interesting I'd never seen before.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

Wow, very interesting. And interesting, too, that she didn't mind Boca's scent on it.

 

[nurseangel]

When we adopted Speck as a kitten, we had a cat we named Smoke that probably came from the neighbor's barn. Smoke was huge and gray-blue in color. Even though Smoke was a tough-guy cat, he endured Speck climbing all over him and playing. He seemed to know Speck was just a baby. After Smoke crossed the Bridge (we're not sure if he was shot or hit by a car - we found him by the road), Speck was sad. DH had bought a gray squirrel dog toy that was too big for Speck to play with a few weeks earlier. Speck never showed any interest in that toy until Smoke died. Then he started putting it up on the bed. I don't even know how such a little kitten could carry a toy that big...I never actually saw him do it...but it ended up right where Speck slept. DH thought I was putting the toy on the bed, but no, it had to be Speck. I don't know how cats see color, but Speck seemed to associate that toy with Smoke. It took time, but Speck eventually stopped grieving. It was painful knowing that he was hurting, though, and it compounded our own loss.