Cats grieving for other cats thread

[Craigary]

We sadly lost my Finn yesterday. He had a kidney blockage as it turned out and surgery was risky and wouldn’t have given him much more time at best and he was suffering. Just a few days before he seemed to be normal and happy and frisky. It hit us hard because it was unexpected; my partner and I have grieved cats before, usually it was more coming for awhile, still awfully sad but not as much a shock to the system. This time is harder. (He was the sweetest boy, lover and ladies man and bringer of toys as gifts and desperate for cuddles.) But for other other two cats it’ll be hard too. One of our cats is jusg a little younger than Finn (she’s 8) and born deaf — she’s super smart and acute vision and everything else. They had a weird relationship after we brought in our youngest Cake (only 3 now), but they both loved him in their own ways.

cake liked to wrestle Finn who generally hated it but tolerated it, then other times they would just hang together orexplore the garden together and hunt together. So Cake keeps looking for him, and so does Harmony, as a deaf cat she uses other cats as sentries. She and Cake get along (they play together — Finn was the “cop” who liked to break up their fights ) so the dynamic will be interesting. At some point we may get another cat for Cake to play with and for her to have another sentinel.

anyway! I know that just like for us it’ll be aprocess and be hard at first, but unlike with human kids you can’t explain things exactly. Any advice on how to get THEM through it is appreciated. Keep his scent around? “Talk” to them even tho they don’t understand? Cuddles, etc.
I’m calling the dynamic of us and the cats the “Mutual Grieving and Reassurance Society”

thanks for listening.

 

[rubysmama]

Condolence on the loss of Finn. It's never easy to lose them, but when it's so sudden, and they're still young, that must make it worse. We have a Crossing the Bridge forum, if you might want to create a memorial thread for him. RIP dear Finn.

About your other cats missing him, I've never had more than one cat at a time, so haven't any experience with cats missing other cats. However, TCS does have this article that might be helpful: Do Cats Mourn? | TheCatSite

 

[Craigary]

Thank you! I will definitely do that a bit later when I can be more coherent about it 🥲
And will check the article out. Much appreciated.
a friend also just recommended this remedy for both people and pets called Alaskan Essences (kind of like rescue remedy but better apparently) that I will try for us and the cats. Whatever gets us through the night, to paraphrase the Beatles.

 

[ArtNJ]

I've had several cats pass, and I'd say that you can't really predict how the survivors will react. For example, I had a pair where the survivor had always seemed to have an "oh its you" approach to the other cat. So I wasn't predicting much of a reaction to the cats passing, but was wrong. The survivor immediately and permanently became substantially more affection seeking. Other times where the cats have been closer, I haven't seen much of a reaction at all. I've yet to see behavior that approximates human grief, but I've certainly heard many examples of that.

 

[SweetLittleKitty]

I just lost a kitten this past Tuesday (5 1/2 days ago) and I am still suffering about it quite a bit. However, I have to still nurture the surviving cats and monitor their progress. One of the older kittens (not part of the main feral litter I am monitoring) went out in the rain. Her progress was that she learned how to use the kitty door. Anyway, it's raining her and she came in wet. I am thinking she might have gone out searching for her little friend, who had a medical emergency and lived for ten days with her in the house. Her little friend, named Caldor (for the Caldor fire, when he spent 2 1/2 weeks in an evacuation center due to Caldor Fire in Northern California) is buried next to a tent I bought for the cats. It is symbolic that he was loved, and sheltered. He died in love, not fear. But yeah, this may be an issue if the surviving cats realize everyone is still there except one kitty.

 

[Tik cat's mum]

When we lost one of our bonded pair the remaining cat did grieve. He became clingy with us more affectionate even seeking cuddles from my hubby, somthing he had never done. We did notice him searching for his pal and calling him. We just gave him cuddles and told him (yes we know we miss him too) obviously he couldn't understand but I think the calm voice reassured him. I didn't get rid of toy's that had the other cat's scent on just his food dishes I found my boy liked to sleep in his pal's places. We brought a kitten into the home 12 months later and my boy and him are now best buddies.

 

[fionasmom]

I am so sorry for your loss of Finn....and so quickly after your previous post. The unexpectedness of this makes it all the more difficult.

I have had lots of dogs and cats at the same time over the years and agree that it can be hard to predict responses from the remaining brood. For me, it has ranged from "he's in a better place, now let me have his bed" to frantic searching and crying. One cat, who was completely bonded to another who passed, began sleeping next to me on my pillow when she had never actually paid much attention to me at all. Another remained solitary, but seemingly content, as if she understood what happened. I would definitely pay more attention, talk, cuddle, and leave his things or scent where it is.

Do Cats Mourn?

 

[Craigary]

Thank you for all the kind thoughts. While we are still reeling and my concern is for the other cats here I’ve fried for me never to take care of myself too because it’s hard on us humans too. We went from guilt (mostly irrational based on what vet told us) to wishing we could talk our language to him and to the other cats to just pure sadness and missing him (my partner has had hard time working at her desk because that’s where he used to sit with her all the time. We bought new cat sleeping pads to put on desks.) ive heard grief is less linear or a circle than it is a bunch of zig zags or a ball in a box that bounces just slightly less over time.
That’s for people. For cats it’s so hard to know and again we can’t explain it to them.
Anyway, the other two cats are still looking for him, which is so hard. We think they do sort of know but that they keep looking for him is breaking my heart. But I wouldn’t trade having cats and seeing that for not having any cats right now.

I sprayed the house with Feliway and as mentioned have some new interactive toys to keep them busy and they’ve played with each other a bit. I know with time it will get better for them too but right now is so hard. One of our cats, the oldest remaining (8) was born deaf and likes having at least one sentry cat around. Finn was a better one than Cake because the latter is so jumpy he runs to the closet when the doorbell rings lol
Anyway eventually we may get them a young buddy for all these reasons but for now we grieve and mourn.

 

[nickyb]

I have a cautionary tale about a misguided grieving cat event.... We had a mother daughter pair, and the mother passed away at 13, the daughter had extreme mourning. She cried continuously for weeks (loudly, was a burmese!), noone could get any sleep we tried feliway, and co-sleeping but it didn't have a strong effect, and (vet priscribed) antidepressants which turned her into a zombie staring at the wall so we discontinued them. After about a month and beside ourselves not knowing what to do, we had the very misguided idea to get a kitten to keep her company so she felt less lonely. We then had two crying cats in separate parts of the house which we had to tag team to comfort . Eventually they both stopped crying, and became friends - but it really was the worst thing in retrospect we should have just persisted with what we were already doing and ride it out with her even if it took a couple of months