Cats And Kids: Blending Families

[seaturtleswims]

Hi! I've had my rambunctious sweet boy Oscar for 7 years now! And he's never met a stranger. He loves showing off for all animal and people visitors and is a self declared house greeter.... except when it comes to my boyfriend's three year old. He's never been around young children before and he makes himself scarce every time they get together. I hate it because she's a well meaning kiddo and we set all the typical "soft touch/inside voice" boundaries to keep her safe with the animals (I also have a house rabbit and a dog). She's acclimated well to all the animals and is pretty sad the cat won't hang out. To be honest, I'm pretty sad the cat lives in terror in the farthest corner of the house when she comes over. We're setting up shop and moving in together in just a couple months. Kiddo will be fine with the animals, but I'm worried about Oscar's new life from Mr. Outgoing to Mr. You Only See Me At Night And I Now Live Under The Bed. He's never been like this before and it's been almost year with no improvement Tips on how those two can bond? I was thinking of having her deliver the canned food every day at meal times... Any other thoughts on blending families?

 

[LTS3]

There's a TCS article on kids and cats

How To Mix Cats And Kids The Right Way

It sounds like your cat needs time to get used to kids, even gentle ones. Let your cat go at his own pace. You can have the child gently attempt play time or treats or sit in the room where the cat is hiding and play quietly with her own toys or practicing reading a book out loud (indoor voice).

Playing With Your Cat: 10 Things You Need To Know
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me

You can try Feliway or other calming products to help the cat be more calm and less stresed around the child.

Did you adopt Oscar from a shelter? Maybe he has some bad experiences in a previous life with children?

 

[danteshuman]

I got my boy to warm up to my niece and nephew over a year ........ and mind you ‘warmed up’ means he came downstairs and willing got in the same room as the hyper girl human. I used treats that they could toss at him plus a few rules I would suggest you implement. All that said a friendly confident kitten that has grown up around kids might be the solution. That said the kittens still sometimes avoid the kids for a bit (I suggest a breed/cat that is docile and tolerates lots of holding.)

My rules for kids to follow around cats:
1) Don’t pick up the cats!
2) Don’t chase the cats.
3) The cat gets a safe room where kids are not allowed. This allows the cat to get a break from the kid, use the litter box in peace and lets the cat set the tone for how much interaction he wants. * I would also invest in as many cat trees and cat shelves in the main living rooms as you can, that way your cat can get out of the reach of grabby hands when needed.
4) All play is with wand toys. Toys not hands for the whole household.
5) Do not bug the cat while the cat is eating.
6) Do not pull on the cat’s tail or pet it’s fur the wrong way. (Soft touch)
7) Teach the kids how you pick up cats safely (under their arms and scooping their back end with your other hand.) Tell the kids that they can pick up the cat with supervision if it is age/child appropriate.

*My niece is always complaining that the kittens/cats want to be on my lap instead of hers. I ask her “what am I doing while they are on my lap?” To which she says “nothing” and I say “exactly!” Then explain to her how the cats are using me as heated furniture because I’m not holding them to me or petting them against their will. It took a long time but she finally got it.
*I regret deeply putting my cats in doll clothes when I was wee kid. I feel guilty for the one time I cut one’s whiskers on one side and another when I sprayed perfume on one. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I did not understand that cats need their whiskers or have a fantastic sense of smell. So maybe a book explaining how amazing cats are will help prevent her from accidentally terrorizing the cats?

 

[seaturtleswims]

LTS3 That article was exactly what I needed, thank you! It addressed a lot of the challenges we face with all three of the pets, but will be particularly helpful with the cat. I love the 4 pets take a break idea, and thank you both for tips on safe play. Oscar loves to play and I can't believe it hasn't occurred to me to set them up with a wand

I don't think we're planning on any more kittens for the moment, but he is a confident, overtly friendly cat and these simple ideas all seem easy to implement in the home during this adjustment period. Much appreciated!

 

[Furballsmom]

the cats are using me as heated furniture

Great point for a child, but

 

[Furballsmom]

You've gotten some marvelous suggestions above

Something else for your cat - he's going to be facing a lot of changes. Work with him if you'll be moving out of your current home by swapping blankets he's slept over to the new place, if you're able. Have one or two he's slept on just before the move to help him acclimate. Make sure everyone is patient with him while he figures out the new setup.

it's been almost year with no improvement

Just to mention in case things don't improve, the reason I have my boy is partly because of allergies in his original household and partly because he simply does. not. like. children. Some cats are simply wired that way.

Keep MusicForCats . com, or the app Relax My Cat in your back-pocket at the ready, so to speak, as another way to help your kitty.

How To Move With Your Cat To A New Home In A Safe Way

9 Tips That Will Help Your Kitten Adapt To A New Apartment

How To Get A Cat To Come Out Of Hiding?

 

[danteshuman]

My boy was skittish around kids because until he was 9 years old he lived blissfully free of kids. He occasionally let them pet him but that happened rarely. Mainly he was content to watch them from 20-30 feet away. They moved to quickly & unpredictably for him. Plus they were way to noisy.

Because your cat is an older cat to, was the reason I suggested getting a kitten that knows no other life but life with kids. The kittens seem way more tolerant of kids then resident adult/mature cats ever did. The three kittens have also been exposed to the cute noisy kids from the beginning. I hope your boy grows to love your little 3 year old but if not, keep the idea of a kitten in the back of your mind. You might try getting the kid a stuffed kitty to practice with. Plus that way the little kid can hold the stuffed animal whenever they want.

Please note my boy looked at my hyper 3 year old niece and said “oooooohhhhhh heck no that noisy little human is never getting near me!!!!” It wasn’t until she turned 5 and calmed down a bit that he warmed up to her a bit.

 

[duncanmac]

I totally understand: Our boy Duncan is the mayor. We had 30+ people over for a course, and he made rounds of the room to EVERYONE for pets and snuggles. He greets visitors at the door and has only met a couple of people he doesn't like (I watch those people closely).

And we have a then 4 year old nephew who was "all boy" - a good kid, but loud, active and pushy. Duncan lasted about 20 minutes, raised the white flag and hid under the bed. This is also the same cat who was surrounded by a flock of 9 year old girls and took all of that attention like a champ.

What's the longest that the cat and the kid have been together? Is it days or months? It might just be that the cat needs a little time to get used to the noise-maker.

My suggestion is to give the kid a cat job - like dishing out the cat's dry breakfast or giving a treat when she comes home from school/daycare (even if she has to leave the treat near the bed then go away - show her that the cat ate it later).