Cat Territory Problems In New Apartment

[Anna&Chuck385]

Hi there! I'm new to this site, but really need some help. I've had my 12 year old cat, Charlie/Chuck, for about 4 years now (he's adopted) and he's truly a great cat. I just moved into a new apartment with my boyfriend and his female cat, Kitty (3-4 years old). She has lived with other cats before and is wonderful with them (most recently is was a kitten and she was almost like a momma to her). I was nervous about Charlie because I don't know his history with other cats and he was just dumped at the shelter. When we moved in they were introduced by scent then visual then physical. Charlie unfortunately did not do well with the physical introduction (lots of hissing and growling). I'm not worried much about physical fights as someone previously declawed him (makes me so angry), but of course I was worried about their stress levels and ours. After two days they were coexisting wonderfully. I was so happy. Unfortunately in the past couple days I noticed my boyfriend has actually been really down, almost depressed. In the mix of everything it seems that Charlie has established his safe space as out bedroom and Kitty is more comfortable in the living room. This is all well and good, but my boyfriend really likes to spend time with Kitty at the end of a long day while he is reading in bed or when he finally goes to sleep. She will come into the bedroom but will only stay for minutes at a time (almost like she's a little scared or worried when she's in there). She definitely is the less dominant cat unfortunately so I don't really know how to instill confidence in her so she feels she can relax with us in our room even when Charlie is there too.

Things I have tried so far:
-CBD oil for both cats and still using that
-Pheromones (plug in), but that leaked on the wall so no good
-Mutual playtime and feeding (both going very well)
-Closing off our bedroom during the day to try to make it seem like more "mutual" territory instead of just Charlie's

Overall this isn't a bad situation, both cats seem comfortable and are getting used to each other more every day. I just want my boyfriend to have the relationship with his cat that he craves and I want him to be happy. I've read most of the recent forums and articles on the site. ANY help would be highly appreciated as I am new to all this. Just want to do right by everyone so we can all live happily together

Thanks in advance,

Anna and family

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. A couple of questions, if you don't mind. Whose apartment is this, his, yours, or a new one to both of you? Where did his cat sleep before when you and your cat were not in the room-mate mix?

 

[Anna&Chuck385]

Hi. A couple of questions, if you don't mind. Whose apartment is this, his, yours, or a new one to both of you? Where did his cat sleep before when you and your cat were not in the room-mate mix?

No problem! So its a new apartment for everyone. Before Charlie would sleep in the bed with me normally, but he does wander sometimes. Currently Charlie is the one sleeping in our bed and ideally we would like to add Kitty or at least have them both feel comfortable coming/going.
Kitty didn't always sleep with my boyfriend at this last apartment because the kitten that was his old roommate's would whine when she was separated from Kitty. But if Kitty can she does like to sleep in the bed and that's what my boyfriend likes too.

Thanks!

 

[FeebysOwner]

So, the issue is maybe your BF's kitty sees some correlation between your cat and your BF's old roommate's cat and is repeating the behavior?

Could they get along with both of them in the bed, assuming you can get your Bf's kitty to sleep there? What does she use as a bed in the living room? Can it be replicated (not moved) for a place on the bed for her? Perhaps, get some towels blankets with her scent so that some could be left in the living room and some on the bed? What will Charlie do if this were to work?

 

[susanm9006]

The cats sound fine, you just need to help your boyfriend understand that there needs to be adjustment time all around and that he should make an effort to have cuddle time with his girl before bedtime. She very well may join you all in bed but it could take weeks or months.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

You say, "just moved." That tells me a lot. BOTH of these cats, neither of whom knew the other, are adjusting to not only each other, but unfamiliar territory. That sort of anxiety doesn't go away in days. It can take weeks, occasionally months, to fully resolve, depending on the personalities of the cats involved. Tell your boyfriend to take a deep breath and relax. Cats are energy sponges, and are certainly picking up on his anxiety.

What kind of toys do you use with Kitty? One of the best is a good wand toy, so that she is able to "hunt, catch and kill" prey. That's a huge morale booster for shy cats!

 

[cuppa]

I adopted another cat close to a month ago. My resident cat would sleep in bed with me every night, but has barely done so in the last month. The new girl has been sleeping in bed with me instead. They get along fine, but are still adjusting to one another, especially since Dante has been an only cat for 6 years now.

Last night, for the first time, both were in bed with me for about an hour. I think, given time, your cats may both want to snuggle in bed with you guys again. They are both getting used to a new environment and new roommates. It'll take time for them to adjust (:

 

[She's a witch]

The cats sound fine, you just need to help your boyfriend understand that there needs to be adjustment time all around and that he should make an effort to have cuddle time with his girl before bedtime. She very well may join you all in bed but it could take weeks or months.

I second that. When we adopted another kitten the dynamics between between me and the older kitten changed a lot, and that was to be expected. My older kitten stopped cuddling at night, and since that was the only cuddle we had, it made me sad for a while. But then I started telling myself that after all I am an adult human being and as pleasant as it is, I don’t necessarily need this kind of cuddling, I am not a child after all. And since I respect my cats and their choices a lot and I avoid making them do stuff that they don’t want to, it was actually very easy to let go and I started looking at the brighter side: finally I had a much better sleep since she stopped waking me up Now, after almost 2 years, she occasionally comes for cuddle time and I appreciate but not expect that.

 

[Anna&Chuck385]

Thanks everyone for the advice! It is slowly improving and I expect it to keep going that way. Both cats are doing super well and I've been playing with them a lot to keep them active and positive! It's encouraging to hear other people's similar experiences and I appreciate you sharing them so much!

 

[Kflowers]

It's possible your bf's kitty is missing the kitten. She will need a little time to grieve the loss of the kitten. We know it didn't die, but she only knows it's no longer with her.