Cat sitting issue

[shayla12]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here but not new to cats. I have cared for fosters and my own cats since 2018 so I am familiar with a lot of issues cats can have. However I am running into problems with a cat I'm cat sitting.

In December our friend messaged us and said her friends needed a cat-sitter last minute as they had a 5 month trip planned from January to May and their usual cat sitter bailed on them. Our cat passed in October and we were missing having a cat but hesitant to adopt another one so soon. So, we decided to help them out and agreed to watch their cat until May. I asked about any behavioural issues so we could be prepared and the only thing they said was that he might try to steal our food. Almost every cat we had in the past did this so we weren't too concerned.

A few important details we did not know until the cat arrived: he is not neutered (we have only ever had fixed cats), he grew up with a dog since he was a kitten (he's 2-3 years old now), he was allowed to roam outside (not neutered...which imo is not responsible of the owners but I digress), and he is VERY loud (which they have since told us is normal for him).

Now, the first few nights the cat seemed anxious and would pace around our apartment. We thought this was due to him being in a new place with new people and figured he would settle down. Well, its been 5 weeks and he is progressively getting more and more anxious. He paces even more now, and will cry for hours on end. If either me or my partner leaves, even for a short time, he will cry continuously. Thankfully we both work from home, so that's not too much of a problem. I'm sure he also cries when we go out together.

We try to play with him but he is not really interested in any toys we offer him. If we pick him up he calms down but only for a minute - he will squirm away from us to continue pacing/crying. We asked his owners if he has any favourite toys but they said he doesn't really play with them since he stopped being a kitten.

So we're a bit stuck. I feel bad for this cat because he is clearly very lonely being the only pet in the house (he does get along with other cats according to his owners), definitely misses his dog friend (not sure why they were separated - I assume the person watching the dog is allergic to cats) and he also probably misses going outside, but since we are in a condo we can't really allow him any outside time. We thought about taking him for park walks on a leash once the weather warms up, but that's at least a few months away.

We had an idea to adopt/foster a cat while he's here so he'll have a buddy. However, after applying to a few adoption agencies, we were rejected. Why? Because we have an un-neutured cat in the house and its policy that they only adopt/foster to houses with fixed cats. We informed the owners of this and they didn't really have much to say other than 'oh well'. So they are very much aware that their cat is lonely and bored, but don't seem to be too concerned. Also, I don't think they realize that being un-neutered may also be contributing to these anxiety issues, and I don't know how to bring it up with them without seeming like I'm 'forcing' the idea of getting him fixed onto them. I don't know why they haven't neutered him in the first place.

Since we have another 3-4 months with him, I am coming here to ask if anyone has experience with a unique situation like this, or if anyone has any suggestions on what we can do to help this cat. We also thought about fostering a dog, since that would likely bypass the neuter issue, but we have zero experience with dogs and aren't really comfortable with them.

Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to cover all the bases.

 

[JamesCalifornia]

~ I wonder why this kitty is not neutered ...? Always a bad sign .
I have had success with CBD oil — THC removed.
Very good of you to take on this responsibility. Good luck ...

​

 

[di and bob]

Yeah not being neutered, he wants outside. Is there any way for them to get you some money and have him neutered? It wouldn't hurt to ask. Definitely get him leash trained so he could go out, that would help. You might look into some calming treats on Amazon to see if they would help too.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Does he have any of his 'own' possessions with him - food/water dishes, litter box, cat tree, bedding, blankets/towels? If not, those would certainly give him some things of familiarity - can you, or your friend, access their house for items like this? Don't know how close you or your friend are with these people, but getting access to some of their worn, unwashed clothing would probably be soothing to him as well. Perhaps, that is something that your friend, who is really their friend, could accomplish for you. All said, he wants his 'usual' lifestyle back where he can go outside, and it is very unfair of his owners - and your friend - to have done this to you without more information being shared first. I know it was a last-minute thing, but still...

Does this cat also 'know' your friend? If so, perhaps, since they got you into this, they would be willing to come for visits and see if that might help things. Maybe some routine Skype/virtual calling with the owners where the cat can hear and see them might be an idea. They owe you some time/effort to help try to calm him down some.

For as long as you are going to have this cat, he should have had a safe zone set up in your home, and not been allowed to roam the entire place all at once, if ever. If he is not used to a leash, you would probably not accomplish getting him trained before they come home. That isn't something that a cat that is allowed to roam freely probably would adapt to easily.

Any chance his usual sitter has become available again, if not right now sometime in the near future?

 

[Furballsmom]

I second trying the calming products if you aren't already.

Have you tried cat music?

 

[shayla12]

Does he have any of his 'own' possessions with him - food/water dishes, litter box, cat tree, bedding, blankets/towels? If not, those would certainly give him some things of familiarity - can you, or your friend, access their house for items like this? Don't know how close you or your friend are with these people, but getting access to some of their worn, unwashed clothing would probably be soothing to him as well. Perhaps, that is something that your friend, who is really their friend, could accomplish for you. All said, he wants his 'usual' lifestyle back where he can go outside, and it is very unfair of his owners - and your friend - to have done this to you without more information being shared first. I know it was a last-minute thing, but still...

Does this cat also 'know' your friend? If so, perhaps, since they got you into this, they would be willing to come for visits and see if that might help things. Maybe some routine Skype/virtual calling with the owners where the cat can hear and see them might be an idea. They owe you some time/effort to help try to calm him down some.

For as long as you are going to have this cat, he should have had a safe zone set up in your home, and not been allowed to roam the entire place all at once, if ever. If he is not used to a leash, you would probably not accomplish getting him trained before they come home. That isn't something that a cat that is allowed to roam freely probably would adapt to easily.

Any chance his usual sitter has become available again, if not right now sometime in the near future?

No, he doesn't have any of his own things with him other than his cat carrier...when they dropped him off it was just him, litter, food and a new litter box. Unfortunately our friend and the owners live 4 hours away so getting some of his stuff would be a bit hard. And no I don't think he is very familiar with our friend either.

We live in a small 1 bedroom apartment (about 750 square feet) so there isn't really a room that we could section off for him. But I don't think the place is too big for him, in fact I think its too small and he's used to living in a large house with lots of space to run and play.

The leash idea is just us being hopeful but yes I do agree, he probably won't take too fondly to it considering he free-roamed outside before.

 

[shayla12]

I second trying the calming products if you aren't already.

Have you tried cat music?

Yes we'll look into the calming products! Didn't think about those.

And no to the cat music, we'll try that too, thanks!

 

[shayla12]

Yeah not being neutered, he wants outside. Is there any way for them to get you some money and have him neutered? It wouldn't hurt to ask. Definitely get him leash trained so he could go out, that would help. You might look into some calming treats on Amazon to see if they would help too.

We are working up the courage to ask this. I don't think money is an issue, but both my partner and I are very non confrontational and are afraid they are going to react negatively to the suggestion. Its very common here for cats to be fixed so the fact that he hasn't already been neutered makes us think they are actively against it. But it is worth asking.

We'll look into the calming treats, thank you!

 

[shayla12]

~ I wonder why this kitty is not neutered ...? Always a bad sign .
I have had success with CBD oil — THC removed.
Very good of you to take on this responsibility. Good luck ...

View attachment 443246
​

Yes, not sure why but it is quite strange.

We'll look into the CBD though, thank you!

 

[Alldara]

We are working up the courage to ask this. I don't think money is an issue, but both my partner and I are very non confrontational and are afraid they are going to react negatively to the suggestion. Its very common here for cats to be fixed so the fact that he hasn't already been neutered makes us think they are actively against it. But it is worth asking.

We'll look into the calming treats, thank you!

I would 100% ask about this. Reiterate that you are in a condo, and could be mandated to remove him if it begins to bother the neighbours. If they aren't prepared to let you neuter him, they may have to be prepared to make other plans for him should the issue arise. Speak a lot about the benefits.

I would guess that he's becoming increasingly agitated as he thinks he's been rehomed. He wouldn't understand a 5 month vacation, certainly not when none of his things came with him, nor his dog friend and his owners don't even visit. When someone watched our cats for months we visited weekly (temp. housing issue).

A friend of mine asked us to cat sit her in-tact cat and I had to have a very similar conversation as he was spraying. I hate confrontation, but I'd hate complaint records on where I live more. She moved him to another friend's home who promptly neutered him and then informed her that he would not be returned. I believe she filed a police report but they told her that the couple had vet records (from the neuter). She ended up getting a different cat later. I'm in Canada, so pets are a 'property' issue.

 

[Alldara]

I also add, did they leave you with any veterinarian and/or insurance information? Was it discussed what they'd like you to do in case of a health issue popping up? He's stressed so a vet visit may be in order anyway.

I wouldn't want us to assume that his crying is anxiety and have him have urinary crystals or something else quite common..

 

[FeebysOwner]

No, he doesn't have any of his own things with him other than his cat carrier...when they dropped him off it was just him, litter, food and a new litter box. Unfortunately our friend and the owners live 4 hours away so getting some of his stuff would be a bit hard. And no I don't think he is very familiar with our friend either.

I am kind of thinking that for as long as you are expected to care for this cat, a 4-hour drive - even both ways - is not a terrible hardship if it would help this cat. Maybe your friend can help by splitting the drive in half?

Sure, try the calming stuff and what-not, and I hope it works. But I think you - and, more importantly this cat - are in for a miserable time regardless of what you do. The point about this causing possible health issues is a valid one, and a contact for a vet is also a very valid one.

If that is all the cat's owners think of him, maybe go one step further and offer to 'adopt' him? That way you can take care of business as should be done - on all counts.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

Cats

If that is all the cat's owners think of him, maybe go one step further and offer to 'adopt' him? That way you can take care of business as should be done - on all counts.

Reading this thread makes me think rehoming into a proper home is what this poor cat needs.

 

[silent meowlook]

Hi. I didn't have time to read the replies and reply myself. I am sorry for the loss of your own cat.

Is this cat a certain breed of cat? Do the owners of this cat use him for breeding? He is 2 years old. right?

When you think of this cat, think of it like having a 17-year-old boy in the house and the bikini car wash as the neighbors on your right and a brothel on your left and cheerleading tryouts down the street. Now imagine that this boy has nobody to talk to and speaks a different language and has no impulse control and can only think about what is happening in the present moment. No ability to see the future or regret the past. Now, also imagine this 17-year-old friendless boy, has no TV, no internet. No games to play and is illiterate.

And, you've just agreed to watch him for several months.

This is going to be hard, and I think you need to focus on the safety of the cat, not the cat's entertainment. It doesn't matter what they do at home, you cannot let this cat outside or you are risking having to tell these people that their cat caught whiff of a female cat and you lost him. As for adding animals, you are now risking this cat being attacked by another animal. It happens all the time. Dogs may be nice with their own cats but they cannot be trusted with cats they don't know. Some dogs can live with cats for years and then suddenly attack and kill the cat for no reason that we know. Some dogs and cats get along great for life. But it is not your cat. It is not your choice to add another animal into the mix.

You have explained the cat's behavior with the owner, right? Then that is all that is in your power to do.

The cat, provided he is healthy, doesn't want to play because it is like you are dragging that 17-year-old boy away from the window to play ball when he definitely has other things on his mind.

This cat is at extreme escape risk so be very careful in and out your door.

You might want to consider keeping him in a large cage if you can borrow or buy a floor to ceiling type of cage with multiple levels. Probably not very practical. It wouldn't be fair to keep him in a small cage that long.

Has he started marking your furniture yet?

Important to make sure he urinates a couple of times a day., has regular bms and is eating well. I wouldn't add anything to his diet or deviate from the owners' instructions without their ok.

Pet sitting sounds cute and fun and like a nice easy way to help out someone in need. It is not. It is complicated and you have to have certain things in place and signed for in order to be safe for everyone.

When I would do it, I would only pet sit neutered or spayed animals in their own home. Less stress for all. Outdoor cats would have to be temporarily indoor cats if I was watching them. People had to sign off on a list of questions regarding emergency care and had to leave a credit card number with their veterinarian and an emergency veterinarian in case of emergency and also listing what to do in certain situations. Euthanasia was also on the list in case of emergency where the prognosis was bad. and they can 't be reached.

Of course, this didn't happen because you didn't know to do this. And you didn't know what a nightmare this would become with the cat not being neutered. I do think you should find out what their reasoning is for the cat to not be neutered.

Do not offer to take this cat to be neutered while they are gone. I think animals need to be neutered as much or more than most people. But, if something goes wrong and the cat dies, you will feel horrible forever and the people will blame you, even if they say they won't.

The people should have disclosed the cat wasn't neutered. Maybe they didn't know this is what you do.

Good luck with him over the next couple of months. I realy don't envy you at all. An intact male cat can be a challenge, but it sounds like this one is super sweet.

 

[shayla12]

Hi. I didn't have time to read the replies and reply myself. I am sorry for the loss of your own cat.

Is this cat a certain breed of cat? Do the owners of this cat use him for breeding? He is 2 years old. right?

When you think of this cat, think of it like having a 17-year-old boy in the house and the bikini car wash as the neighbors on your right and a brothel on your left and cheerleading tryouts down the street. Now imagine that this boy has nobody to talk to and speaks a different language and has no impulse control and can only think about what is happening in the present moment. No ability to see the future or regret the past. Now, also imagine this 17-year-old friendless boy, has no TV, no internet. No games to play and is illiterate.

And, you've just agreed to watch him for several months.

This is going to be hard, and I think you need to focus on the safety of the cat, not the cat's entertainment. It doesn't matter what they do at home, you cannot let this cat outside or you are risking having to tell these people that their cat caught whiff of a female cat and you lost him. As for adding animals, you are now risking this cat being attacked by another animal. It happens all the time. Dogs may be nice with their own cats but they cannot be trusted with cats they don't know. Some dogs can live with cats for years and then suddenly attack and kill the cat for no reason that we know. Some dogs and cats get along great for life. But it is not your cat. It is not your choice to add another animal into the mix.

You have explained the cat's behavior with the owner, right? Then that is all that is in your power to do.

The cat, provided he is healthy, doesn't want to play because it is like you are dragging that 17-year-old boy away from the window to play ball when he definitely has other things on his mind.

This cat is at extreme escape risk so be very careful in and out your door.

You might want to consider keeping him in a large cage if you can borrow or buy a floor to ceiling type of cage with multiple levels. Probably not very practical. It wouldn't be fair to keep him in a small cage that long.

Has he started marking your furniture yet?

Important to make sure he urinates a couple of times a day., has regular bms and is eating well. I wouldn't add anything to his diet or deviate from the owners' instructions without their ok.

Pet sitting sounds cute and fun and like a nice easy way to help out someone in need. It is not. It is complicated and you have to have certain things in place and signed for in order to be safe for everyone.

When I would do it, I would only pet sit neutered or spayed animals in their own home. Less stress for all. Outdoor cats would have to be temporarily indoor cats if I was watching them. People had to sign off on a list of questions regarding emergency care and had to leave a credit card number with their veterinarian and an emergency veterinarian in case of emergency and also listing what to do in certain situations. Euthanasia was also on the list in case of emergency where the prognosis was bad. and they can 't be reached.

Of course, this didn't happen because you didn't know to do this. And you didn't know what a nightmare this would become with the cat not being neutered. I do think you should find out what their reasoning is for the cat to not be neutered.

Do not offer to take this cat to be neutered while they are gone. I think animals need to be neutered as much or more than most people. But, if something goes wrong and the cat dies, you will feel horrible forever and the people will blame you, even if they say they won't.

The people should have disclosed the cat wasn't neutered. Maybe they didn't know this is what you do.

Good luck with him over the next couple of months. I realy don't envy you at all. An intact male cat can be a challenge, but it sounds like this one is super sweet.

Firstly, thank you for your kindness. She was so sweet and we still miss her dearly. We realized, its something you never really get over - you just learn to handle the sadness.

Also, thank you for the explanation. I do see this as an oversight on our part, as we just assumed the cat was neutered. They aren't using him for breeding, at least for now.

As for the other animals issues, we spoke with the owners about it before and they did say it was ok, however they don't seem very well versed in cat behaviour so I wouldn't put it past them to not be aware of all the problems it could cause. It would really only be a bandaid solution to this situation and the worst case scenario (a cat getting hurt or worse) would be awful, so we've given up on that idea.

For the in-out situation, we are in a condo so he can only run into the hallway when he does go out, and we always bring him back in so there's no risk of him getting away, thankfully.

And yes, as much as I believe cats should be spayed/neutured, I'm really not keen on the idea of us taking him to have it done, even if his owners consent in case something bad happens. Overall, he could be much worse with his behaviour - he isn't aggressive (quite the opposite, he is very sweet and cuddly when he's not crying and pacing) and he hasn't started spraying (yet...lol fingers crossed it stays this way). He doesn't exhibit other problematic behaviour (no furniture scratching, chewing wires, etc.) so we are still not in an awful situation. But now I realize we were much too casual with this and did not think of all the issues it could cause. Going forward we will not do this in the same way we did it this time.

 

[OopsyDaisy]

This little guy is going to get settled in with you, then he'll have to re-adjust all over again. It was really good of you to offer to take him for so long but it doesn't seem like his owners care too much. Makes me wonder what their dog is going through. Maybe I'm totally off base but it sounds like they travel a lot and leave the animals behind.

 

[silent meowlook]

You were very kind to take care of him for the people that were going out of town. It would have been very difficult for them to place him anywhere else. And for the cat's sake. I think he is much better off with you than he would be elsewhere.

I only mention the things I did as going wrong, because they do happen. I have experienced so much going wrong from my pet sitting experiences. Now if I do it, which is very rarely, I make sure to cover everything.

It does sound like this is a nice cat. Does he have big cheeks/jowls? Is he a specific breed?

Good about the hallway with the door.

 

[shayla12]

You were very kind to take care of him for the people that were going out of town. It would have been very difficult for them to place him anywhere else. And for the cat's sake. I think he is much better off with you than he would be elsewhere.

I only mention the things I did as going wrong, because they do happen. I have experienced so much going wrong from my pet sitting experiences. Now if I do it, which is very rarely, I make sure to cover everything.

It does sound like this is a nice cat. Does he have big cheeks/jowls? Is he a specific breed?

Good about the hallway with the door.

Yes, I'm not sure where he would have gone if we hadn't taken him in.

He doesn't have big cheeks (yet..he's still young so they could develop), but we grew to love the big cheek boys back when we fostered cats. And he looks like a Siamese, which I have now learned are notorious for being loud

 

[shayla12]

This little guy is going to get settled in with you, then he'll have to re-adjust all over again. It was really good of you to offer to take him for so long but it doesn't seem like his owners care too much. Makes me wonder what their dog is going through. Maybe I'm totally off base but it sounds like they travel a lot and leave the animals behind.

Yea...I'm trying to reserve judgment and not be too harsh, but if I were them I wouldn't even want to be away from my pets for that long, let alone separate them during that time. The longest we were away from our old cat was just over a week and we missed her so much.

 

[shayla12]

I am kind of thinking that for as long as you are expected to care for this cat, a 4-hour drive - even both ways - is not a terrible hardship if it would help this cat. Maybe your friend can help by splitting the drive in half?

Sure, try the calming stuff and what-not, and I hope it works. But I think you - and, more importantly this cat - are in for a miserable time regardless of what you do. The point about this causing possible health issues is a valid one, and a contact for a vet is also a very valid one.

If that is all the cat's owners think of him, maybe go one step further and offer to 'adopt' him? That way you can take care of business as should be done - on all counts.

Neither my friend or I have a car, but in theory we could meet somewhere using the trains here...unfortunately I don't think my friend would be able to access their house.

As far as adopting him ourselves I just wouldn't feel right doing that, even though they may not be the best owners I don't think they'd willingly give him up