Cat Not Adjusting To Newly-moved-in Wife

[Tippy&Panther]

Hi all,

First time posting and just hoping someone can help out:

My wife (of 1 month now) moved in with me and my two cats (6 years old, both rescues, raised from 1 week by me) about 3 weeks ago. She brought along her dog (5 years old, shepherd/husky mix). The cats and dog are interacting as you would expect, no aggression, just some hissing, leave me alone behavior through the kiddy-gate we have up.

But, my poor wife...the larger cat (Tippy) is randomly aggressive towards her (hissing, batting, one incident of biting). She walks on eggshells around them and her nerves are getting more frayed. (The other cat - Panther - is just sweet; he reacts to squeaky noises, but only rarely. He lets her pet him and will investigate her without incident.)

I would like to keep my wife I would also like to keep my cats

Any thoughts? Help?

(Some additional information: Tippy is also mildly reactive towards anyone else in my house but me; will hiss and bat at visitors when they go up the stairs.)

Best,
Matt

 

[danteshuman]

A few. First it is time to train, train, train that dog! One so no accidents happen & two so your cats can relax and not have there fear level at 7 or 9 when they interact with your new wife. Alos you need to let your wife be the giver of all things yummy ... which means for 2-6 months you just scoop the box and cuddle the cats. Hopefully after awhile they will let her play with them. (You can bond with the dog & start learning dog.)

When you are calmly petting your cat, have your wife sit next to you or the cat and take over petting. Every time your wife comes home, she tosses each cat a treat (& maybe gives her dog a treat for sitting/laying patiently in it's bed?) I would also suggest she avoid eye contact with the cats, even closing her eyes or doing the slow blink, talk softly or puuurrr at the cats. It will take time but they will grow to tolerate her & hopefully love her.

*I would invest in LOTS of cat shelves and trees & high places. That way the cats can always get up high away from the dog. I would also start or have the dog sleep in a crate in the bedroom while the cats get free rein to sleep with you. That or lock the dog out but crate training works I swear and dogs love their crates/caves.

Introducing Cats To Dogs
How to Create a Cat Superhighway: 11 Steps (with Pictures)

This might help her understand her new furbabiess:
How Well Do You Speak Cat?

Cat vs. Dog | Watch Full Episodes & More! - Animal Planet

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi! Welcome!!
If I may, what danteshuman is suggesting, I think, is called redirected aggression. In other words, the cat is upset, but rather than taking it out on the dog, Tippy is taking his frustration out on your wife.
It's relatively normal.

Speaking of Tippy, have you thought about any calming products, or even some chamomile tea - made from the little bags, that's safe for cats. 1-3 teaspoons a couple times a day. There are a lot of calming producst with ingredients ranging from CBD oil to valerian, casein, face pheromones, et al.

 

[danteshuman]

Redirected aggression yes. However is fear aggression redirected aggression?

If a cat has something/someone that is making it afraid and some new guy/new human comes by.... a cat might be feeling more easily threatened/insecure/nervous/jumpy. A scared cat is an hide and attack cat. So if the new wife touches the cat while cat is freaked out, the cat may lash out instinctively at any and all perceived threats.

 

[KarenKat]

Does your wife wear any perfume or use strong shampoos or soaps? If she’s willing maybe she can use your products for a bit so she smells like you.

Did Tibby ever interact with your wife better before she moved in, or is it worse now that she lives with you (and a dog)?

I know how hard and nervous it would be to be attacked, but is there any way your wife would be able to relax a little more? If she is afraid, Tibby is more likely to pick up on the anxiety and lash out. I know it’s hard since she is anxious because of lashing out.

Good luck! There are ways to make this work, but it may take a while.

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Congrats on your new marriage, and larger fur family. Hopefully in time everyone will be getting along fine.

Meanwhile, here's some TCS articles that should cover some of your concerns. Good luck.

Cat Aggression Toward People
Re-directed Aggression In Cats

Is Your Cat Stressed Out?
Potential Stressors In Cats - The Ultimate Checklist
Six Surefire Strategies To Reduce Stress In Cats

14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me

 

[susanm9006]

You might also try having your spouse feed the cat all of her meals, snacks and treats and also scoop the litter box if she is willing. No eye contact, no trying to pet the cat, just taking care of it’s needs may turn around the cat’s opinion.

 

[catlover73]

I had a cat that was living with me that was formerly abused and was just slow to adjust to new people. She never attacked my hubby like you are dealing with. She tended to either hide from him or just ignore him. I had him start giving her treats at night when she would cuddle with me on the couch. I would sit there and pet her. He would put the treats close enough to me that she could reach them without getting out of my lap. I also had him take over play sessions. She would do group play around him with my other cats. He took over feeding the morning meal. I scooped the boxes and did the evening meal due to his work schedule. It took him about 3 weeks to get my shy cat to eat treats out of his hand. It was about two weeks after that when he was able to pet her in my presence. One day he came home from work before me and she decided to hang out on the couch with him while he was watching tv. She laid down near him on the couch and hung out. He did not want to startle her so he did not try to pet her. A couple of days later we were laying in bed and she came up to him and started rubbing up against him. I told him to let her sniff his hand and then try petting her if she decided to head but his hand. She decided that night that he was allowed to pet her. After that she started sitting on his lap when we were on the couch together. She then started sleeping on his pillow when he was not using it. I was really worried when one night he picked her up and put her on his chest to pet her so he could go to bed. She never allowed me to pick her up like that. She did not even act scared when he picked her up. She actually slept curled up next to him that night. It then became their nightly ritual for him to pick her up off his pillow to go to bed. She also started letting him pick her up and carry her to the couch for cuddles. I was never allowed to carry her around like that. Once they bonded he actually became her preferred human. You have to allow time and patience to earn the trust of a shy cat.

 

[Tippy&Panther]

Hey all,
Thanks for all your thoughts and advice. An update - the cats and wife have begun to find an equilibrium; we currently are still using a few kid gates just for my wife's peace of mind, but they have begun to roam more freely and are less prone to hiss at her when she walks by. She's doing most meals for them...still a ways from the cuddle-times I'd hoped, but we see a small light at the end of the tunnel!

 

[Jem]

May I ask how things are between the cats and the dog?