Cat never cuddles or lays by me

[CatEars]

My cat loves playing and is usually following me around more often than not. I am her primary caregiver (feeds her, plays with her, trains her, etc.) but she refuses to cuddle with me. She LOVES my mother and is always laying by her and cuddling her. I don’t know what to do. This has been going on for a few months now.

I put so much effort into my cat and get barely anything in return. When my cat goes to lay down by mother, I can’t help but get super jealous. (I’ve tried to convince myself to not care but it hasn’t worked at all.) Any advice on how I can make her more affectionate towards me? I feel like all my time and money that I dedicate to my cat is just being redirected towards my mother.

I’m seriously thinking of just giving her to my mother; it’s getting so bad. I break my back making sure my cat has the best everything and she doesn’t care back?

Any advice is appreciated.

 

[ArtNJ]

Your mom might be trying less! What???? Yes, my guess is that your mom is trying less and that is helping. You maybe have the expectation that your cat should be doing these things, and are likely reaching for the cat, maybe even picking it up and putting it on your lap and holding it there?? That stuff is unhelpful. A cat that isn't yet doing those things with you needs to be regarded as a shy potential romantic partner. You force nothing; you figure out what they like and do that. You might coax as to other things (call noise) and bring gifts (treats) but you let them be the boss of where and when. By trying less, your mom may be unconciously striking the right balance while you are pushing a bit too hard for more. Its a very natural thing, and hard to resist, but it may be your issue.

It could be something different too. Like are you high energy? Often cleaning? Is your mom more put her feet up and relax? At least when she comes over to your place. That can matter too.

Probably some others I'm not thinking of right now, maybe something relating to the fact that your mom is now only visting (?) but those two are possibilities.

 

[Hellenww]

It could be something different too. Like are you high energy? Often cleaning? Is your mom more put her feet up and relax? At least when she comes over to your place. That can matter too.

What ArtNJ said. My partner sits still better than I do so gets more cuddles.

 

[jefferd18]

You may be trying to hard and that is a no-no in cat world. I had gotten a male orange tiger kitten five years ago and he would cuddle with my mother every time she came over. When she was there he would basically act like I didn't exist- wouldn't cuddle, wouldn't come when I called him, wouldn't even look in my direction. My sister finally told me to "ignore that little orange shit" and I did. That made all the difference.

How does he act toward you when your mother is not around?

 

[CatEars]

A cat that isn't yet doing those things with you needs to be regarded as a shy potential romantic partner.

This is a GREAT analogy. Thank you. Totally made me understand my cat’s possible point of view.

are you high energy? Often cleaning? Is your mom more put her feet up and relax?

Yes my mom sits around a lot while I move around the house pretty often. But even during the few times I am sitting around, playing video games or doing homework, she won’t sit/by me.

maybe something relating to the fact that your mom is now only visting (?)

I’m actually still considered a minor (only 16 lol) so my mom doesn’t necessarily visit.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

OK...your energy as a teen is VERY different from your mom's energy, and cats are little energy sponges. HOWEVER...you said your cat follows you around, which says it all. She loves you, your "vibrations" are just a little high for her to feel comfy snuggling with. Could I suggest that you try meditating a couple of times a day? There are LOTS of videos available on YouTube to get you started. But don't be surprised if your cat begins to join you as you learn to still your mind and body!

 

[game misconduct]

too clingy people always want what they cant have same kinda applies to cats

 

[CatEars]

My sister finally told me to "ignore that little orange shit" and I did. That made all the difference.

So did your orange cat start paying more attention to you as you ignored him? I’ve tried ignoring her but, as mentioned before, I am my cat’s primary care giver. Don’t I kinda HAVE to pay attention to her

 

[jefferd18]

So did your orange cat start paying more attention to you as you ignored him? I’ve tried ignoring her but, as mentioned before, I am my cat’s primary care giver. Don’t I kinda HAVE to pay attention to her

Combine with my mother nudging him in my direction, he came around. No, you don't have to give her attention as you fill her food and water bowl. You are fulfilling your basic duties of care for her, not begging her to lay down next to you.