Cat introductions going... weirdly

[Oatmilk]

This is going to be a long one, but I'm just feeling so lost! Hopefully someone can help!!

I found Gooby under a car when he was about 3 months old, and took him in. That was a bit over two years ago, so he is now around 2.5 years old. My boyfriend and I have moved in together since then, and have always talked about getting Gooby a friend. We were at a shelter checking out some cats, and our hearts landed on Fluffy (also around 2-3 years old). We are currently 'fostering' her, but she is just loving us so much that us and the shelter have generally decided we will keep her.

For some background, Gooby is very playful and goofy. He loves sprinting around the house, and jumping for his toys. He loves being in the room with someone at all times (which is why we thought he would enjoy having a cat friend around), and is not intimidated by big groups of people. Fluffy on the other hand, is an absolute cuddle bug. She would do anything to be pet, and sleeps curled up on us every night (she is staying in our bedroom as her sanctuary room, while Gooby roams the house), and basically tries to groom us and every toy she has. She is a bit more of a mellow player than Gooby, but she has her wild moments.

We have been following Jackson Galaxy's guide, and did a ton (honestly probably too much) of reading other peoples experiences, etc on reddit and other blogs, and watching YouTube videos.

When we brought her home, she immediately went into our room. Over the course of two weeks, she slowly got more comfortable, and Gooby would patiently wait by the door. Sometimes he would growl and hiss at the door, so we just kept consistently placing their food near the door and over time, Gooby stopped hissing at the door. Now, they constantly play under the door with eachother. So, we got a screen to set up for our door. Gooby, being the curious guy he is, would consistently go up to it, do a little grumbling and hissing, but in general didn't seem to mind. We kept having those meetings for around 1-2 weeks every night and they would eat their dinner there too. We also did scent swapping and site swapping, and neither mind that AT ALL. Its just when they can see each other.

At this point, we decided to try a face to face playdate. It actually was going pretty well, they both ate their treats and played with toys separately. Then all of the sudden, Fluffy went to play with the same toy Gooby was playing with and all hell broke loose. There was fur flying (no blood), and we separated them. Back to no visual access, and they went right back to playing under the door with each other. It was suggested to us that it was possible that they were having a 'cage aggression' response to the screen, so we decided to do more playdates, but time them and keep them shorter. The next 3 playdates actually went really well, although were for only 10 minutes at a time and were distracted by treats the entire time, but no growling or hissing from Gooby. The fourth playdate, Fluffy charged at Gooby (there were no signs of aggression whatsoever. It definitely was more of a playful run). Gooby obviously didn't like that and they got into a huge fight, causing Goobys nose to get a cut on it and some missing fur on each of his front legs. Back to the screen. Fluffy still (and has always done this, but we just thought she was trying to climb out) launches herself at the screen. Everything is totally fine until she does that. In face to face meetings, she definitely does less of it, so we thought about putting her in a harness to hold her back. We havent done a face to face meeting since The Incident, and are now back to just screen time. Again, everything is fine until Fluffy charges at the screen and it freaks Gooby out. Here is a video I took just an hour ago of it happening. Fluffy is the long haired, Gooby is the tuxedo.

I am just so lost with what to do. I distract them with treats so that that doesn't happen, but I'd have to be funneling treats to them basically the entire time (Fluffy is FAR more food motivated than Gooby is)

Help! Any advice is welcome! I just feel so so lost and discouraged.

 

[Oatmilk]

Oh also, we recently got feliway diffusers, which definitely have been helping Goobys growling. But has not affected Fluffy doing that

 

[Hlee]

It looks like a playful jump to me. Not vicious at all though I could be wrong.
I would just keep doing what you have been and going slowly.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

LOVE the ears on this video! They are forward, alert, interested in BOTH cats. And while Gooby backed away, it was more a startle response than fear. This is not as bad as you may think. It really does look like an attempt to play on Fluffy's part. And the only way that they will learn to play is by doing so. Just stand by to intervene if things get out of hand...let it go a BIT farther than you have. There's often a bit of loose fur with rough play. AND make sure that Gooby has somewhere to retreat to if Fluffy gets too enthusiastic!

If you are not yet doing this, I'd advise site-swapping. It can be critical, and is often overlooked in introductions. You want to put Gooby in Fluffy's area, while allowing Fluffy to roam Gooby's area. The goal is to get the entire house smelling like BOTH cats. So much of a cat's world is ruled by scent, and mixing those scents sends messages to them of "shared territory."

 

[Alldara]

Some great points above. I'll just add, giving them gated time to watch one another's play body language is so helpful in settling the fear response.

What toys are you using to distract them during time together? Can there be a bit more play distance between them for this?

 

[Oatmilk]

Some great points above. I'll just add, giving them gated time to watch one another's play body language is so helpful in settling the fear response.

What toys are you using to distract them during time together? Can there be a bit more play distance between them for this?

It's really hard to get Gooby distracted with play but usually will get distracted for a few seconds at a time with a string toy. Fluffy is a bit easier to distract with play (either with a string toy or this toy pickle that she loves chasing after). Gooby ultimately prefers to watch Fluffy play, and if playing with Gooby and not Fluffy, Fluffy will get involved. Same with treats- if Fluffy isn't having a treat at the same time as Gooby she'll try and go after his and he obviously doesnt appreciate that (who would!)

I will say that Gooby will sleep across from the room with the screen door up and have his back to it, or eat across from the door with his back to it. Fluffy is just so eager to play ALL THE TIME with him that her energy and excitement freaks him out, which I didn't expect from him at all.

I really appreciate your thoughts!!

 

[Oatmilk]

Ugh. Fluffy accidentally got out and they tumbled down the stairs in a brawl, and gooby peed from being so scared. This whole process is so discouraging

 

[Mamanyt1953]

It's a set-back, not a failure. Cats are very good with do-overs. Just take them back to their comfort point, and try, try again! As frustrating as it can be, we've seen introductions that took months, but were eventually very successful.

 

[Oatmilk]

It's a set-back, not a failure. Cats are very good with do-overs. Just take them back to their comfort point, and try, try again! As frustrating as it can be, we've seen introductions that took months, but were eventually very successful.

thanks for this, I really appreciate it. We ordered a more structured gate (we were using a mesh screen) so hopefully that will offer more protection from fluffy jumping at it!

 

[Oatmilk]

Hi guys, not the update I want to write, but just wanted to put this out here in case it helps someone in the future.

We have done a few more face to face meetings (along with daily room swapping and seeing eachother through the gate). Unfortunately every single time ended in aggressive fights (fur flying, blood, yowling, & our resident cat peed one cause he was so scared )

With a bit of direction from the shelter, we've decided to find our foster a forever home that isn't with us. Many, many, many tears were shed over this decision because we are absolutely in love with her and had every intention of keeping her after the foster period.

It's just gotten to a point where it isn't fair for her to live most of her life in our bedroom. We are going to take our time finding her the most perfect home. I am absolutely heart broken that she can't stay with us forever.