Cat Introduction chaos :(

[xchasingtailsx]

Hi everyone! I’m hoping you guys will be able to help me. I had four wonderful cats - (all neutered) - Lily, 8.5 year old Birman, Esme our 15 y/o black rescue (both female) and two lovely black rescue boys who are 7.5 years old. I wouldn’t say its been absolute harmony always- Esme was the oldest, smallest, toothless matriarch of the family, who ruled with an iron-swat- and they all listened! She was all bluster and swat’s though, and only with cats- with humans she was the most incredibly open, friendly little soul. We lost her in April this year- after months of around the clock care and it tore the heart out our family. I’m crying now just writing this! Long story, slightly shorter, my boyfriend took it very badly and despite it feeling slightly soon for me, he fell in love with a little kitten he had found that needed a home, and we welcomed little Milo into out home and our hearts. We did everything we thought we needed to do to ensure smooth introductions. The boys had been introduced to the girls as kittens years before and Lily took to them right away. This time around she was deffo the most curious about who was in the room- and she was the first to watch him quietly play with a shoe with pure curiosity and it was very sweet. The boys made a lot of hissing and growling and running at first- but now they’re really great with little Milo…. Lily however… out if the blue suddenly seems to want to kill him. He does all the right things, he drops over and is submissive, he doesn’t run at, or jump on her (and now he hightails it away from her the minute he sees her…and she gives chase.) they’ve never just been left unmonitored so ive no idea whats happened to trigger this sudden change but its frightening to witness. Now i have seen lily get annoyed at the boys before- her ears go back, she gives a lot if warning hisses, maybe a swat or a nip- bur mostly she walks away. Shes so incredibly loving and docile, and whilst i know she must be stressed somehow, she doesn’t exhibit it any other time than this OBSESSION with Milo. She will walk around the house sniffing him out, and anywhere he has been- and the moment she sees him , she beelines for him- no hissing, growling, fluffing up or eats back- just dilated pupils and wont be distracted or deterred as she walks with purpose over and he freezes terrified. If you consistently block her twenty attempts she will casually lay down and wait you out, almost play disinterested- but If he runs, she chases instantly. If he goes under things- she will reach under for him, or follow him under- or try and find another way. If hes sat in my lap she will still approach- but he is leas likely to run as freeze and trust me. Then she will give him a good sniff….and if she thinks she can get away with it- bite him. Head or tail. Hes never been injured because we seperate them instantly- but i just don’t understand! She was so maternal with the boys before- and ive never seen her be aggressive- she still isn’t with us when we separate them. Milo is now 16 weeks old- and just adoreable- he loves playing with his brothers, and i feel bad for all of them that hes being seperated all the time and sleeping everynight alone in his bedroom. Hes not yet neutered as the vet wanted to wait to 6 months as we suspect milos dad was a maine coon- and she wanted to reduce his risk of hip dysplasia where possible by waiting until 6 months- but it could be revisited if it WAS that. Anyone got advice? Questions? I’ll try and attach some pics! Oh and we have feliway optimum/feliway friends literally everywhere.

 

[FeebysOwner]

I think with the loss of Esme, there is a re-establishment of dominance going on to a degree. It has also been recent enough that Lily is still reeling from the loss. Now she has some 'intruder' messing up the already changing dynamics.

What are the sleeping arrangements with these cats? I would not want to stop Lily from sleeping with you if that is part of the problem, Perhaps, letting the other cats sleep together might help Milo feel less isolated? Maybe giving her some space while the others interact is part of the solution. Let some more time transpire with these little changes and see what happens.

 

[xchasingtailsx]

I did wonder how losing ezwoz might play in- but it was a very weird dynamic they had anyway. Esme liked to boss them all about, but she wasn’t “cuddly” with any of them. Not even Lily, though she was certainly a lot leas hissy and swatty with Lily- and every now and then would almost play “chase me” with her which Lily adorably didn’t know what to do with. She almost looked at us like: “is this a trap?”
re: sleeping arrangements- at the moment we’ve limited all possible change for the resident cats- Milo sleeps in the spare room (one the cats very rarely had access to as we wanted it fluff free as possible for guests) and Lily, Roscoe and Fievel have free reign of the rest of the house and often sleep on our bed with us. During the daytime- Milo goesback in his room if we go out- but otherwise we try and put him in the living room/conservatory- so lily has most the house still, (including her fsve rooms, food bowls and trays) and if she wants to come in to the living room we secure milo in the conservatory, so she never feels like shes “locked out” her main rooms. Its also worth noting that roscoe and fievel are indoor/outdoor cats- bur Lily being a birman is indoor only- and we take her into the garden for monitored outdoor time. We’ve been trying to ensure shes not put out at all because we’re very concious the house us her only territory.

I think with the loss of Esme, there is a re-establishment of dominance going on to a degree. It has also been recent enough that Lily is still reeling from the loss. Now she has some 'intruder' messing up the already changing dynamics.

What are the sleeping arrangements with these cats? I would not want to stop Lily from sleeping with you if that is part of the problem, Perhaps, letting the other cats sleep together might help Milo feel less isolated? Maybe giving her some space while the others interact is part of the solution. Let some more time transpire with these little changes and see what happens.

 

[xchasingtailsx]

Small update: still very confused and not MUcH progress. Its very confusing to me that we can have Milo curling up and going to sleep on our laps with Lily 30 cm’s away lying down all relaxed- both totally aware of each other and then the moment you set Milo down she treats him like prey races at him, corners and attacks him- he makes all the noise- but she deffo ends up with fur in her mouth (we always check him for injury and nothing yet). She makes not a peep- even though she hisses and growls at her other brothers if they wind her up all the time.We keep putting him in the conservatory with one way film on it so she can see him, but he can’t see her so she can see him not acting like prey and hiding. What are the chances it is because he isn’t neutered? And would rubbing them with towels do anything here? I hate seeing him scared of her, and i hate seeing her as an aggressor when it’s really not in her nature usually! I’ve also attached a picture of her snuggling her other brothers when they were little

 

[Alldara]

Small update: still very confused and not MUcH progress. Its very confusing to me that we can have Milo curling up and going to sleep on our laps with Lily 30 cm’s away lying down all relaxed- both totally aware of each other and then the moment you set Milo down she treats him like prey races at him, corners and attacks him- he makes all the noise- but she deffo ends up with fur in her mouth (we always check him for injury and nothing yet). She makes not a peep- even though she hisses and growls at her other brothers if they wind her up all the time.We keep putting him in the conservatory with one way film on it so she can see him, but he can’t see her so she can see him not acting like prey and hiding. What are the chances it is because he isn’t neutered? And would rubbing them with towels do anything here? I hate seeing him scared of her, and i hate seeing her as an aggressor when it’s really not in her nature usually! I’ve also attached a picture of her snuggling her other brothers when they were little

You have a beautiful fur family.

Does this happen only when the boys are around too? If she's alone with the little one is it the same?

I wouldn't rule out that it could be because he's unfixed.

It sounds like she still gets breaks from him during the day. She could be a bit jealous. Spending some alone time with her playing (have a closed door so no one can interrupt) might help.

She's still mourning too. That was her companion the longest. My cats, Nobel and Lily only tolerated one another for the most part...and Nobel was devastated when she passed. It also removed a lot of stress from him as she used to harass him but he missed her just the same. Grief looks different to different cats just like it does for people.

 

[xchasingtailsx]

Thank you <3 they are my world.

We keep them seperated day and night, with only supervised interaction (Milo in my lap or else she will make him run and chase him!)

It happens whether the boys are around or not- its like she stops seeing them when she sees Milo. The boys however don’t get involved- at least!

We’ve been playing with her whenever possible, and trying to swap them either side of the one way glass so they can see one another being non threatening. We close the boys out for that because Lily is… lets say- a wallflower when it comes to play- and also very lazy haha - shes the sorta cat where the toy has to go to her and she only has interest in it for a short time, if i let the boys in, they dominate play and lily drops back to watching only. So shes deffo getting all the love and support. Especially from Harry (the boyfriend) who is painfully- her favourite. I try too hard apparently haha.
Sounds like nobel and Lily have a similar relationship to Esme and my Lily, she must wonder where she has gone :,(.

the boys have their booster jabs on 23rd June- i’ll have a chat about Milo’s neutering the i guess! And just…keep trying to get these guys integrated in the meantime. Or should i abandon it until post neutering and just keep them seperate? :S

You have a beautiful fur family.

Does this happen only when the boys are around too? If she's alone with the little one is it the same?

I wouldn't rule out that it could be because he's unfixed.

It sounds like she still gets breaks from him during the day. She could be a bit jealous. Spending some alone time with her playing (have a closed door so no one can interrupt) might help.

She's still mourning too. That was her companion the longest. My cats, Nobel and Lily only tolerated one another for the most part...and Nobel was devastated when she passed. It also removed a lot of stress from him as she used to harass him but he missed her just the same. Grief looks different to different cats just like it does for people.

 

[Alldara]

I would try rubbing a dry towel on her and the baby and then her again (maybe the boys too for good measure). Then take the same dry towel and rub it over the wall on low places in the house.

I would keep up with intros if my vet says it's okay.