Cat grieving - should I adopt a friend?

[cat dad]

Hi,

A little over a month ago I unexpectedly and suddenly lost my 10yo boy Percy. Luckily I was able to get him to the vet in time to say goodbye and let him go in peace.

His brother and littermate Ollie misses him a lot. He was always by Percy’s side and wherever Percy went Ollie was soon to follow. Percy would always come to me for cuddles and Ollie would come to Percy for affection and grooming.

Now Ollie is my new shadow - which is great, I’m happy to give him all the affection he needs, but I worry that he’s lonely for feline companionship. Plus I can’t always be here due to work etc

My question is how do I know if getting him a new friend is what he needs? Would introducing a new cat to his territory cause him more stress, especially at his age?

Im curious to hear from others that have been in this situation think.

Thank you so much!

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
Instead of a new cat, which as you mentioned usually causes stress try a purr toy, a heartbeat toy and a self-warming bed.

Sometimes cat music can help too

 

[Kflowers]

When and if you do decide to try adding a cat, I suggest you try the foster to adopt. That is work with a humane society that lets you foster until you see if it's working out with your current cat. Then if it is adopt the cat. If it doesn't work out with your current cat, at least you've given the cat you fostered a nice break from the shelter.

But this is still very early in your cat's grieving process. He needs time.

 

[Alldara]

cat dad This is really based on Ollie's personality. Can you judge well what type of cat Ollie needs in a companion? Can you trust a rescue in your area to really know the personalities of the cats they host? A personality match would be best if you decide to get a companion.

Your may also consider Ollie's health and expected longevity. Is he well and age 10? He may have another 5 to 10 years and be happy to have a companion during that time. He could well tolerate a lengthy introduction period during that time. I already knew Nobel was slow to warm. Cal took 2 months.

Does he have underlying health conditions? If so, his expectancy might be shorter and it might be best to not undergo the stress of introductions.


with Nobel we chose docile cats, who were in foster homes with senior cats and lived well with them. The first introduction took 1 year to fully integrate Magnus as I do not consider a night time separation, or still having two periods of door closed time a day as full integration. If I had a do-over, we would have taken two cats at the same time as it would have made it easier and Magnus would have been less hyper.

I would recommend getting only a cat that's already fixed and has full vaccines, so older than 6 months minimum. Ones that are very good with other cats would be best for you, and if able to take up to 3, a bonded pair could be great. They wouldn't be alone in their quarentine or during the intro period.

 

[nurseangel]

I am so sorry for your loss and for Ollie's as well. I really like some of the well-thought out answers other members have provided. I wish you and Ollie the best in whatever you chose to do.

 

[betsygee]

I really like some of the well-thought out answers other members have provided.

Me, too. I'm in the same boat with a newly 'orphaned' 13 year old boy who's a single cat for the first time in his life, and we're trying to decide whether we should get him a companion kitty or not. The replies to this thread have some helpful points to consider.

cat dad I'm sorry for your loss of Percy.

 

[BeccaCat]

I just went through this. I adopted two mistreated but bonded beautiful girls. I wasn’t told they were sick. Tessa has asthma (which we manage with meds) and abandonment issues. Sadly her sister Freya was just too sick. Four short months and dozens of vet visits later, we lost our Freya. Tessa grieved right along with us. She is only 3.
We waited over 6 months but we really felt Tessa was lonely, especially if we had to go out. Our vet suggested a boy kitty, and one younger than Tessa, to avoid power struggles. We met a couple kitties, but none of them seemed right. Then we met our Mr Smudge. He felt like “the one” for Tessa. The rescue woman also seemed very confident they were a good fit.
Introduction was not 100% smooth, but after just two weeks they could be together, and after a month they were best friends.
So in our case it definitely worked out. Take your time, wait until you and your kitty are ready, and wait until you find the right kitty.
Im very sorry you lost your little boy. It’s really, really hard.

 

[ArtNJ]

No. 10 year olds tend to have a hard time accepting a new cat.

 

[NekoM]

Its completely possible, but it depends on experience or confidence. You have to continually feel out situations before they happen because nothing is predictable. Male cats are more patient with male kittens, but they generally only get territorial if they feel neglected. I was in the same situation last year and my two were settled by about 2 weeks….2 very stressful weeks!

 

[ArtNJ]

Cats absolutely get worse at making new cat friends as they age -- on average, individual results may vary of course. I'm frankly surprised by the degree of encouragement on this thread. It can obviously go different ways, but senior cats have a high chance of never warming up to another cat. So you think you are getting another cat to help your senior cat, and after a lengthy introduction period filled with stress, you get to toleration where your cat mostly ignores the other cat. Its different if a person wants another cat for themselves -- then rolling the dice and giving it a go can make sense. But getting another cat for a senior cat? I feel that is simply a bad decision.

 

[danteshuman]

If you adopt I suggest looking for close to the same energy and gender of your current cat. If you get a kitten I suggest that you separate them for half the day so your senior can have quiet peaceful time..... at least until the kitten calms down around 18-24 months old.

 

[Alldara]

Cats absolutely get worse at making new cat friends as they age -- on average, individual results may vary of course. I'm frankly surprised by the degree of encouragement on this thread. It can obviously go different ways, but senior cats have a high chance of never warming up to another cat. So you think you are getting another cat to help your senior cat, and after a lengthy introduction period filled with stress, you get to toleration where your cat mostly ignores the other cat. Its different if a person wants another cat for themselves -- then rolling the dice and giving it a go can make sense. But getting another cat for a senior cat? I feel that is simply a bad decision.

100% and we see a lot of this on the forums.

It's good to give in-depth a clear indication of what the OP is getting themselves into, and a ton of factors to consider.

Likely due to my bias personal experience, I tend to think if people are asking about it they are 90% likely to do it, so I might as well tell them the details

 

[Twylasmom]

You can do it, but be prepared to have infinite patience. Foster to adopt is a great idea if you choose to pursue getting a second cat. You can read about the lengthy journey I went through introducing my senior cat to a young stray. In the end it worked out, but it took a long time.

Introducing Cats - Logistics Questions.

 

[MeezeIfYouPlz]

We adopted then four month old Ollie to join our family that includes seven year old Braveheart (neutered) and 16 year old (spayed) KiKi and two dogs. KiKi is still grieving for "her" dog, our german shepherd we lost in December. We don't allow our devil child Ollie to aggravate KiKi at any time. It has taken patience and persistence but the kitten has learned that KiKi is for cuddling with, Brave is for playing with. Ollie has a been a good thing for Brave, who was getting too sedate and fat. Ollie has also become best friends with our year old Australian shepherd, so between Brave and Jasper he has plenty of outlets for his nonstop energy.
My other piece of advice is to sit down and really remember what it's like to have a kitten in the house as opposed to adult cats that already have house manners. It's been 20 years since we last had a kitten in the house, since KiKi was two when we adopted her and Brave was outside until he was two. It's been an eye opener.

 

[betsygee]

cat dad Did you make a decision on a companion kitty?

I'm still debating about a companion for our 13 year old Ozzy. Sometimes I feel like he's basking in the attention of being an only child but other times I think he's lonely. We've had anywhere from one to six other cats around during Ozzy's lifetime. He's never been a single cat before.

 

[Gizmobius]

When I lost Gizmo, Stevie clearly grieved in ways I assumed meant she was lonely. She became more affectionate and needy to the point I thought a friend would help her. What I realize now, over a year later, was that she missed her one specific friend and didn't necessarily want me to bring in anyone new! She tolerates the two new boys but she doesn't get along with them. I think it's all a learning experience (mistakes and all!) and just figuring out what your cat is trying to say, which always seems to be a difficult process.

 

[Alldara]

I think it's all a learning experience (mistakes and all!) and just figuring out what your cat is trying to say, which always seems to be a difficult process.

So true! We got Magnus because Nobel was so frightened of being left home alone. Magnus can do no wrong in Nobel's eyes. It's his baby. He likes Calcifer but the bond is not the same. Calcifer was necessary for our sanity though. He keeps Magnus busy.

 

[betsygee]

What I realize now, over a year later, was that she missed her one specific friend and didn't necessarily want me to bring in anyone new!

Oh, that's a good insight. Thanks for sharing that.