Hi y'all! First post here, unsure where else to get help with this. I have two indoor cats (sisters) - Monster and Midna. They're both 2 1/2 years old. About a year (or more?) ago Monster started this routine of crying every night when we go to bed. For anywhere from 15min to an hour (sometimes more) she'll intermittently yowl at us (kind of like a mrow-MROW like she's calling for us) from the living room while we're trying to sleep. Occasionally she comes right up to the bed to do it. After she's done crying she finally either goes to sleep, or comes over to the bed to cuddle/sleep with me. Sometimes she'll drag toys to us while we're in bed as well. We regularly take her to the vet and so far there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with her, other than occasionally having respiratory upper virus issues. We typically leave the bedroom door open when we sleep so the cats can come in and out but I'm beginning to think that we just have to shut it completely and keep them out. We've tried multiple ways to persuade her to stop crying. My instinct says she's kind of like a child throwing a temper tantrum - doesn't want to go to bed and is yelling at us to come play with her. She has a lot of energy and wants to play almost 24/7. Normally after work we'll have several play sessions with her to try to wear her out. Like not just one or two, throughout the whole evening we'll pick up her favorite toy and play with her. I'm not sure how much more we can actually play with her than we are now. I work from home and she also will often start crying from the other room as soon as I start working, like she wants attention and to be played with. My partner and I really do our best to give her lots of attention and playtime in the evening, but I don't want to start a precedent of playing with her in the middle of the day when it's "work" time as well. As far as automatic/remote entertainment to keep her occupied without human attention- she doesn't care about cat TV at all, we've tried multiple videos. She's a really smart cat and I think it's too boring for her. We do at the moment have a small enclosed patio with plants/bugs/etc. that she can go on, and we leave the door open so she can go whenever she wants. We also have an automatic laser toy that we switch on sometimes, but have to use it sparingly because she'll get bored of it as well. Any advice for things to try to curb the crying/attention seeking?
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Cat crying routine at night
- Thread starter jboo1553
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Hi! Welcome!!
Can you take her for walks?
Maybe there's something here;
Bored Cat? What Cat Owners Need To Know (including 10 Actionable Tips)
Playing With Your Cat: 10 Things You Need To Know
How To Make Your Home Bigger (at Least For Your Cats)
Can you take her for walks?
Maybe there's something here;
Bored Cat? What Cat Owners Need To Know (including 10 Actionable Tips)
Playing With Your Cat: 10 Things You Need To Know
How To Make Your Home Bigger (at Least For Your Cats)
Cats are great at learning what gets our attention. And with your cat I think she has figured out that yelling at you results in her getting some kind of attention. There are a few things you can try to get her to stop.
First, is to ignore it. If you have tried this before, perhaps it wasn’t for long enough. There needs to be no reaction whatsoever to her meows even if they continue for weeks. Even raising your head and looking at her or talking to one another gives her what she is looking for, so you have to basically play that you are asleep until she figures out the meowing gets her nothing.
Second, you can try teaching her that annoying you with meows means she is going to get shut out of the bedroom. You start with a warning phrase like “quiet down” that you use when she meows. If she doesn’t stop (and she won’t at first), you pick her up and shut her outside your room for the night. If you do this consistently she will learn that she needs to be quiet if she wants to be in your room. Complicated to do when you have two cats or if she is doing her howling in another room.
Last is just to shut your door so you don’t have to listen to her. You can try it for a month or two and if she remains quiet outside your room you let her back in and try again.
Some cats learn quickly and some are stubborn and slow. My current cat only needed to be banished once. My former cat took a good part of a year before she realized she needed to sneak quietly into my bedroom and lay down on the bed if she wanted to spend the night.
First, is to ignore it. If you have tried this before, perhaps it wasn’t for long enough. There needs to be no reaction whatsoever to her meows even if they continue for weeks. Even raising your head and looking at her or talking to one another gives her what she is looking for, so you have to basically play that you are asleep until she figures out the meowing gets her nothing.
Second, you can try teaching her that annoying you with meows means she is going to get shut out of the bedroom. You start with a warning phrase like “quiet down” that you use when she meows. If she doesn’t stop (and she won’t at first), you pick her up and shut her outside your room for the night. If you do this consistently she will learn that she needs to be quiet if she wants to be in your room. Complicated to do when you have two cats or if she is doing her howling in another room.
Last is just to shut your door so you don’t have to listen to her. You can try it for a month or two and if she remains quiet outside your room you let her back in and try again.
Some cats learn quickly and some are stubborn and slow. My current cat only needed to be banished once. My former cat took a good part of a year before she realized she needed to sneak quietly into my bedroom and lay down on the bed if she wanted to spend the night.
Here's a TCS article with tips:
How To Stop My Cat From Waking Me Up At Night (Step-By-Step Plan) - TheCatSite
Discover how to stop your cat from waking you up at night with our comprehensive step-by-step plan. This guide provides practical strategies to align your sleep patterns with your cat's, ensuring peaceful nights for everyone.
thecatsite.com
She definitely wants attention. Make sure she is well fed before bedtime too. Hunger can make them act like that. One thing to try is to keep her awake more during the day, and totally ignoring her when she cries at night, even if it does mean shutting the door. After a year, this habit will be hard to break. Maybe get a little catnip to give her a boost of energy in the evening, it may wear her out a little.
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- #6
Thank you!! Some really great tips in there
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- #7
Unfortunately she hasn't had much success being on a leash outside. We live in a city so I think there are always too many cars nearby that scare her. We've tried taking her to isolated parks as well but can't guarantee that dogs or kids or whatever will come by and scare her. Every now and then I try again because she actually loves people and loves being outside on our small patio.
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- #8
Thank you! We're about a week in to shutting the cats out of the bedroom at night. So far they cried for about 3 days, were silent for 4 days, and then just last night Monster was the loudest she's ever been - yowling/crying/scratching at the door/scratching at the floor/throwing herself against the door
. I guess this is the part where it gets worse before it gets better, hahaha.Before this, we did try ignoring it. For months actually, our default has always been to ignore it. Then we had a routine of trying to do as you suggested, to yell a word/phrase at her to quit meowing and later shutting her out if she didn't. It is hard for us to do because it means also finding the other cat in the room, who doesn't have this problem at all, and shutting her out. When we do this, then the other cat (Midna) will cry all night because she's been unjustly ousted from the room
And also as you said, she is doing the crying from the living room so she's already in there most of the time.We're also trying to ignore her meows during the day in case that's reinforcing her attention seeking. We'll see how it goes.
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- #9
Thank you! She's not affected by catnip, I wish she was! We do give them their biggest meal before bed so they always have food throughout the night. I like the idea of keeping her awake during the day. I'm thinking about investing in some more automatic/remote toys. Of the ones we have, she's mostly uninterested in them. We have a laser toy, a ball that rolls on its own, one of those things where they swat the ball in a ring and it keeps moving, we had a battery powered mouse that... they lost somewhere. She's totally uninterested in cat tv. So far she's really not satisfied unless we are the ones dangling a toy in front of her.
It is hard. I had a stubborn one that would scream and scratch the door the entire night. She was the most stubborn and dramatic of my cats. But it did work and then I started leaving the door open just a crack and she learned the only way she could get in and stay in the room was is she snuck in and stayed perfectly quiet.
If one is good and the other is wild you can leave a litter box in the room and only shut out the naughty one.
If one is good and the other is wild you can leave a litter box in the room and only shut out the naughty one.
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- #11
Amazing!! That sounds just like Monster - so melodramatic. On one hand it makes her an amazing lovable friend because she loves being near us, playing, being held, etc. But on the other hand... the nighttime issues are a bit much. That's a great idea about leaving a litterbox/food in our room. May be something to try if she doesn't get the message after a while. I do feel bad kicking Midna out when she's quiet at night.
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Can you give them a quick play session and a meal just before your bedtime? A cat's natural cycle is hunt, eat, groom, sleep. The play is a substitute for hunt. I know my girl can't get on with just two meals a day. She'll wake me now if I pass out before her midnight meal.
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If you're not feeding them after that bedtime play, that may be why one of them is protesting. All that hunt with nothing to show for it. My senior kitty gets at least four meals and sometimes up to six (with her two overnight meals going into timed feeders) because she doesn't have the stomach for large meals anymore.
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- #15
thank you, we do feed them after nighttime play! We feed them right before we get ready for bed.
At a totally different angle, have you tried just picking her up and snuggling when she yells? My boy is a talker and a yelled. He will yell until I ask him whats up and then he settles. At night, he will sometimes go get a bite of food and come back to my room yelling. If I ignore him completely he will yell for a long time and bring toys into my room. If I pat the bed to invite him on the bed he jumps up and promptly falls asleep. I've come to think of it rather as him wanting to be invited to bed and get a quick pat before falling asleep. Sometimes I have to both pat the bed and make sure one knee is crooked so he can settle into the crook of my knee to sleep. Other times he just lays on a foot or settles on the edge of the bed. But without fail if I talk to him and encourage him onto the bed, he settles.
I am all for ignoring a misbehaving cat in bed. And my boy knows that if he tries to change bedtime into playtime he will be promptly kicked out. But sometimes I think they just need a little encouragement in the right direction and if you've tried everything else it is worth a shot.
I am all for ignoring a misbehaving cat in bed. And my boy knows that if he tries to change bedtime into playtime he will be promptly kicked out. But sometimes I think they just need a little encouragement in the right direction and if you've tried everything else it is worth a shot.
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- #17
This is really interesting! I've actually said the same thing to my partner. During one of our phases of trying to curb her nighttime crying i would call out to her and she would do the same - come cuddle and fall asleep. It's almost like i have to invite her to bed. I don't remember exactly why I gave up on this, possibly she would eventually leave after cuddling and cry again later in the night. I think I also worried that by responding to her would further reinforce crying = attention, and often she would start crying like an hour after we went to bed, and i didn't want to have to lay in bed for an hour waiting for her to cry so I could invite her to bed
She often needs time to resign herself to the fact that we're in bed now and not going to play with her, before then she won't cuddle on the bed.
Its a very fine line. I keep my response within a very narrow range of just patting the bed and petting him (plus the occasional rearrangement). I don't get out of bed and once he comes up on bed there aren’t repeats. Clear boundaries and responses keep it from getting too excessive while meeting him partway.
When you are in bed, is a bedside light on? Puar won't come to bed until the light is off. I can have the computer on if the screen brightness is lowered, but if the light is on? He will just sit next to the bed and stare at me or start milling around in things he shouldn't. It can be 10:30 or 12:30 at night, doesn't matter! Once the light goes off, he might run down to get a last bite of food or use the litter box, but within five minutes he's in bed. Is there any part of your nighttime routine that signals to her you aren't actually just going to sleep when you go to bed? Do you stay up and chat or read or watch videos? Just a thought!
