Cat Affection

[hwangster]

I have a 3 year old Russian Blue. When I first got him, he constantly peed outside of the litter box, and mostly on my bed. Therefore I was terrified every time he jumped on my bed, especially when I'm sleeping. As a precaution, I would tell him to get off my bed whenever he'd get on.

I have since fixed this problem (long story, in other threads), but my cat is very distant with me now. I am not sure if it's because of the breed or because I gave him a hard time when he was younger.

My cat does not like to be held for anything more than a minute, usually likes to see what we're doing, but doesn't really want to be next to us. And only rubs against us when his bowl is empty. He also sleeps by himself unless the weather is really cold, then he'd use me as a heater.

I know russian blues are independent cats that need less attention than other breeds, but I wish he'd be a little bit more affectionate. Is there a way to do that?

I was thinking of getting a 2nd cat, to perhaps keep him company when I'm at work. I was hoping maybe the 2nd cat would be more affectionate, and my current cat might "copy cat".

What are your thoughts?

 

[yayi]

I have 9 cats and they have different degrees of affection towards me. One is like yours, and I love her to bits. It's all about personality and you may just have to accept them as they are.

 

[kit e cat]

I have 10 resident cats, 1 foster, and one stray right now. I have some who are so in my face all the time its annoying, and I have some that I won't see all day until I do my nightly treat/head count check. They're all different. A 2nd cat might not really make your current cat more affectionate, but you might get the affectionate cat that you want. Go for an adult cat, you'll already know his/her personality.

 

[persi & alley]

Originally Posted by Hwangster

I have a 3 year old Russian Blue. When I first got him, he constantly peed outside of the litter box, and mostly on my bed. Therefore I was terrified every time he jumped on my bed, especially when I'm sleeping. As a precaution, I would tell him to get off my bed whenever he'd get on.

I have since fixed this problem (long story, in other threads), but my cat is very distant with me now. I am not sure if it's because of the breed or because I gave him a hard time when he was younger.

My cat does not like to be held for anything more than a minute, usually likes to see what we're doing, but doesn't really want to be next to us. And only rubs against us when his bowl is empty. He also sleeps by himself unless the weather is really cold, then he'd use me as a heater.

I know russian blues are independent cats that need less attention than other breeds, but I wish he'd be a little bit more affectionate. Is there a way to do that?

I was thinking of getting a 2nd cat, to perhaps keep him company when I'm at work. I was hoping maybe the 2nd cat would be more affectionate, and my current cat might "copy cat".

What are your thoughts?

I had a Russian Blue that was exactly as you describe your cat. There was never a peeing problem and she was a stray that I started leaving food and water on my front porch and she finally decided to live with me and my skinny calico cat who did not want her living with us. But they eventually were OK with each other. I kept referring to her as the grey cat and finally we named her Greycat. She stayed with us ten years and was always distant like you mention. She did not sleep with us and would only rarely come around and be with us when we were watching TV. So, I do not know whether this is characteristic of the breed or not but I was sad that Greycat was not more affectionate. After having nine female cats, I finally got a boy cat and he is the most affectionate animal I have ever had. Persi is so affectionate that he is always wherever I am. I do have another cat that is a calico and hides most of the day. I was always so scared to get a boy cat because of all that I had heard about male cats but found an article here on TCS that convinced me to get a boy cat. He is truly the greatest cat in my life.

 

[mystik spiral]

Sounds like your cat just doesn't have a cuddly personality. Holland does not like to he "held", though she will sit on my lap for hours - as long as it's HER idea to come to my lap in the first place. She'll let me pet her most of the time, and if she's not in the mood she will let me know and I back off. The only time I get head butts is at 6 in the morning when I'm sleeping and Her Majesty feels that it's time to eat.

ETA: I doubt your cat is harboring any bad feelings about you keeping him off your bed when he was younger. I'm ashamed to admit that I treated Holland poorly at times when she was a kitten because I was pretty clueless about cats and I didn't know any better. For instance, I didn't know how to tell she didn't want to be petted, and took her swiping and biting at my hands as a sign of aggression. I found information online that said to scruff her and hold her, firmly telling her "NO" when she would do that. Oy.

I finally learned that she really wanted me to just leave her the heck alone. She doesn't hold it against me, though.

 

[kluchetta]

I have a Ragdoll, named Smudge, that is also like that. He's an amazing cat, and very funny to play with, but he just isn't into being cuddled, held, or really even petted. He's sort of like a male lion. Just lying around all the time, to be admired, LOL. I still love him though.

 

[blueyedgirl5946]

I think if you added a second cat your cat would become even more distant. They usually pay each other more attention and less to their owner. But the second cat might be a loving affectionate cat. Hard to know. I understand wanting an affectionate lap cat. My Speedboat was that and I lost him in January. I have two more cats but they are not lap cats.

 

[mazobear]

I too have a rather standoffish Ragdoll. I attribute that to the fact that she came from a home with too many cats and probably didn't get the attention/socialization that she needed. She protests when you pick her up and isn't really cuddly, but she loves to be brushed and will roll and purr. Also, she sleeps with us. She is the undisputed queen of our house and mostly just likes to flop around and soak up the admiration. She is a legendary beauty and if she were a person she'd be totally insufferable because she'd KNOW how beautiful she is. Of course, she does have certain endearing ways and we love her to death. Our other cats, the two nonstandard Munchkins, are love sponges.

 

[hwangster]

I am married, and I have noticed that my cat is more affectionate when I am alone, and less so when I am with my wife. I would like to believe he knows the difference, and provides company when he feels I need it.

But what I think is actually the case is he can't stand double the attention we give him and would rather be by himself.

I love my cat (Pillow is his name) to bits too, and he DOES let me hold and pet him, just on his terms and usually not very long. So I guess the conclusion is that every cat has their distinct personality, and I should just accept him the way he is.

Thanks!!!

 

[mystik spiral]

Originally Posted by Hwangster

I love my cat (Pillow is his name) to bits too, and he DOES let me hold and pet him, just on his terms and usually not very long. So I guess the conclusion is that every cat has their distinct personality, and I should just accept him the way he is.

You speak the truth.

The thing about cats is that they don't live to serve us. We have to work for whatever affection they deem to give. It takes special people to love cats for who they are, and my bet is that Pillow (love that name!) knows that he is a lucky little guy.

I know that my Holland is proud and that she is as self-centered as a cat can be. But I also know that she loves me because I provide food, comfort, and a clean litter box for her. And on those days when I'm feeling down, she seems to sense that I need a little extra kitty love.

 

[mysterycat]

My doesn't want me to hold him to but he sleeps beside me and sometimes he sleeps on my lap when I'm in front of my computer

 

[darlili]

My little grey girl is currently sleeping on the other end of the sofa from me, with her back toward me. I know now that means she trusts me totally - but she also has not once sat on my lap, nor can I pick her up without a lot of whining and wiggling to be let down. On the other hand, she greets me at the door when I get home, and will often sleep at least part of the night on my bed, near me or my feet. She often meows for attention - but not a lap cat by any means.

My black male, on the other hand, rarely meows but is my lap cat and must always sleep right up against me - unless the weather turns very warm and it's just too hot.

I did adopt the boy, about the same age, to keep her company while I'm at work. They're friendly, I think - often groom each other, and sometimes sleep near each other, but I honestly think they both view me as 'their' pet. I do have to be sure to give each attention - and sometimes, I admit, since my boy will jump on my lap constantly, it's easier to give him cuddles - but it's somehow more rewarding when my girl comes up wanting to be petted or brushed by mommy.

I bet your girl really does love you, but she's her own cat, like my girl - and wants attention on her terms and may not ever be the kind to cuddle up in your arms.

Does your girl respond well to treats? I wonder if you gave her a little treat during the times she's more 'friendly', if that would encourage her to expand those actions to get more treats, until she enjoys being more friendly on her own terms.

 

[hwangster]

Pillow is a very picky eater. I've bought a number of different treats, and he only enjoys a few of them. Even canned food he is very particular about.

I try to give him 1 or 2 treats per day so he doesn't get spoiled or obese. My wife has trained Pillow to sit down for his treats which is pretty funny. After listening to your stories, I think I have nothing to complain about.

Pillow sleeps with me on occassion, usually is near me, and let me pick him up and pet him. He also often sits next to me with his back facing me. I thought it was because he resents me, but I guess I can interpret it as him trusting me, lol.

 

[sk_pacer]

My cats are all different -Da Lip hates being picked up, and hates being carried even more, however, he loves to cuddle and MUST sleep on my arms. Da Magpie is just sometimes too much - she likes being picked up, likes to cuddle and is an unmitigated nuisance at times. One of her favourite things is to stand on the keyboard and rub noses with me. The barn cats range from 'Please carry me, I demand it!' to "Don't TOUCH me. A human touch will kill me". In between the extremes are the normal cats that come seeking attention on their own terms, or will stand still for cat petting time. Most do crowd on top of the cat house for attention though.

 

[darlili]

No, the back facing you is supposed to be trust (which sort of makes sense - if you don't trust someone, you certainly don't want them where you can see them). The putting the rear end in your face is another big sign of love - because momma cats clean their babies there, and cats communicate by smell, so kitty is just showing how much they love and want to talk with you.

Rolling over to show tummy is also a sign of love and trust - even if they don't actually let you touch said tummy. Of course, as a new parent, I was totally worried about why my cat kept falling down and rolling over - called the vet and everything.

 

[mystik spiral]

Originally Posted by darlili

The putting the rear end in your face is another big sign of love - because momma cats clean their babies there, and cats communicate by smell, so kitty is just showing how much they love and want to talk with you.

I didn't know that! Holland must love me to pieces!!!

 

[darkmavis]

Originally Posted by Mystik Spiral

I didn't know that! Holland must love me to pieces!!!

Yeah, my Genever loves me lots too... never would've thought that cat butt in the face is a good thing..

 

[mysterycat]

I didn't know that too!