Cardiomyopathy & "vacation"

[Weasel21]

Hi everyone. I'm at a total loss for what to do and am just looking for folks that can understand. About a month and a half ago, one of my two cats, Misgiye, suddenly went into congestive heart failure, with no previous symptoms of heart problems. He spent two nights in the ER and was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy (not taurine related). Shortly thereafter, I took my second cat, his brother Milo, to the vet for a check-up and he went into congestive heart failure due to the stress of the vet visit. Milo has recovered very nicely and is doing well on medications. Misgiye, however, never quite bounced back. He's had good days and bad days. Just last weekend I was bawling my eyes out, prepared to put him down because he suddenly went downhill, but by Monday he had made a turn-around and is doing well enough that he seems to have an overall good quality of life again. I think his time is very close, especially given the poor prognosis of DCM, but he's not there just yet.

These are my beloved boys.
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Here's my problem: my husband and I are scheduled to leave for our honeymoon (that we've been planning for a year) on November 6, for 3 weeks. I am dreading it, and quite honestly I don't want to go. The thought that I might not be there for my baby when he needs me most kills me. Or the chance that the stress of me being gone could send him into a downward spiral... A family member is supposed to be staying at our house and taking care of the pets, so it's not like they'd be alone. They've done well with family in the past. I think that Milo will continue doing well and probably has at least a few happy months left. But the statistics are not on Misgiye's side in terms of mean survival time with DCM and how severe his condition is.

I've tried talking with my husband, but he just doesn't "get it". He's not attached to the cats and doesn't feel the same way about animals that I do. He was upset with me for spending $3.5k on the emergency bill. He has been away working out of town for the last six months and is getting back into town tonight, so we can finally talk face to face about this soon. In his mind, if I don't go on this trip, then that means the cats are more important to me than he is. The cats are way more important to me than a vacation, which I couldn't possibly enjoy anyway. That doesn't mean they are more important to me than him, but because of what a honeymoon symbolizes that's how he sees it. It's a lose-lose situation. I go, and Misgiye may die without me by his side. I don't go, then I can kiss my marriage goodbye, and Misgiye is still probably going to die or have to be put down (possibly not, but that's not my gut feeling). Rescheduling the trip is not really an option. Me flying back if my cat declines is also not really an option either, as it's about a 30-hour international flight.

I'm lost. These cats are my children. I've raised them since they were 5 week old sick feral kittens, and they've given me unconditional love for 7.5 years. I am already devastated and heart-broken by the diagnoses. I also dealt with the heart-break of finding a neighborhood kitty shot & paralyzed from the waist down and left to suffer, just a few days after my own cat was hospitalized (a whole nother story). I was laid off from my job, I spent my entire savings on veterinary bills, and now my relationship is hinging on me abandoning my cats at a time when they need me (and frankly, when I need them). Am I being selfish? Is my husband? I don't know what to do and feel like my entire world has fallen apart in the last month and a half.

 

[Jem]

Hi sweetie, I'm so sorry you are being dealt such a crappy hand lately, and especially sad to hear about your boys.
Although I can't really help with any of your decision making, let me assure you, that you are not being selfish. If anyone will understand the wonderful bond you have with your boys it is the people on this site and ME.
I hate when people dismiss my affection and devotion to my cats, or think I'm crazy for spending the kind of money I have had to, to save their lives and/or provide palliative care. I recently lost mine to CHF and am currently providing palliative care to my eldest with CKD.
I know what I'm saying doesn't help your situation, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm in YOUR corner, I understand your fear, guilt, and worry. I also understand your want.....no, your NEED, to be there for when he needs you. And most of all I just "get it". Your not alone in all this, even if you just need to vent.
I hope you and your husband can come to some sort of understanding about all this. And I hope your boys continue to have many, many, many more good days!!!

 

[Jem]

And I forgot to mention, that your boys are quite handsome!

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

I go, and Misgiye may die without me by his side. I don't go, then I can kiss my marriage goodbye

Weasel21 - Personal opinion, and not intended as advice, since this truly is a matter of the Heart: I'd stay with your kitties were our places exchanged. Unless you and your Husband are well up into your seventies or beyond, your time together stretches before you both like a long road, and there will be ample time to do what you wish once your responsibilities as stewards to these two lovely cats have been discharged. If your Husband doesn't see that you feel a duty to your Family - or fails to understand that the cats are, indeed your Family, I'd venture that the Marriage might have been begun on a poor foundation, and an honeymoon won't strengthen this foundation appreciably.
.

 

[Weasel21]

Jem , thanks for showing your support. I've lost cats to kidney failure in the past, and that was also heartbreaking. This is the first I've dealt with CHF and I'm only now getting over the shock/disbelief.

1CatOverTheLine , you may be correct in your last statement. I've been doing my best to explain to him that there are very few things in my life that are as important to me as taking care of my pets (and other animals in need). It is an essential part of who I am, it's who I was when I first started dating him 8 years ago, and it's who I will always be. I would not be a whole/happy person without that in my life, and I need him to recognize it's importance and respect that. I'm hoping he will be able to wrap his head around the gravity of the situation when he is back here and can see everything for himself.

 

[Genesis123]

I wish I could offer some solid advice, but I suppose I would have a heart-to-heart with my husband and try, together, to come to an mutual and acceptable understanding (and plan).

I have a lot of experience with cats with cardiomyopathy, so I know how delicate their health is.

I really wish you a mutually acceptable solution and a very happy honeymoon.... whenever it is you take it. <3

 

[di and bob]

I agree with the above, you won't be able to really enjoy yourself being gone that long. If it was me, I would cancel the trip, maybe taking a day or two somewhere close if he insists. This is a very sensitive and delicate issue. Men don't seem to have the bonds with animals like we, as the caregivers do, but as they spend more time with them can develop them, I know my husband did. He too gets very upset when I don't travel, but has accepted the fact and even tries to make it easier for me, like building a 24 x 30 enclosed shelter attached to a building that is heated and cooled. As he got older he opened his heart, and I have seen him cry like a baby when one has died.
You are the only one that can make the decision, but as one who knows how much guilt is present during a death, I wouldn't want to compound it with more. I had a cat that lived at least 5 years with congestive heart failure on Lasix, but only you can feel in your heart how much time is left. You and your husband have a lifetime left to travel. Have a heart to heart, tell him exactly how you feel, and see what HE can come up with. There are many bumps along the road of marriage, but only by working together on solutions will smooth out the potholes. I'll pray he finds empathy and understanding in his heart, and peace fro yours......all the luck!

 

[Genesis123]

I should have mentioned my experience with cardiomyopathy in cats has been Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM) -- genetic.

 

[Kflowers]

I agree with the others, and I grieve for you.

I have two questions for you to consider.

If you go on the vacation and Misgiye crosses over while you are gone will you be able to forgive your husband? Can you forgive him right now for not caring about the cats more than himself?

You might not know, but some men can't put their own children above their own desires. It is something to think on for the future.

 

[Weasel21]

Update... I made the decision to put my little bug Misgiye to sleep last night after he went into another respiratory crisis. He stopped eating a few days ago, so I was syringe feeding him in addition to giving him Cerenia because he was constantly nauseous, and when he finally ate a bit on his own he just threw up. There were times when all he wanted to do was curl up in my lap and purr, but there were also times when he just wanted to be alone and would walk a few steps away from me when I tried to comfort him. I was so conflicted because there's not a clear line to mark when it's time and I wish there was an easy way to know. Ultimately I couldn't let him suffer anymore, knowing he was only going to keep going downhill. I'll probably always question whether it was too soon, or maybe even if it was too late and he suffered for too long. I dread going through the same with Milo in the future.

 

[Jem]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I understand the guilt and questions you have regarding if it "really was time" or "did I let him suffer". All I can say, is that you knew Misgiye best. You loved him and I know, just from the few posts I read, that you would do right by him and put his well being first. As hard as it is, try not to question your actions, because you did them out of love and compassion for your sweet little boy.
I pray that you still have a long, happy and loving time with Milo, and in the end, you will still make the best decisions for him as well.
Misgiye was very lucky to have such a caring and giving person in his life (and Milo too!). People like you are what all furry companions should have.
I wish you all the best, and again, my condolences.
RIP Misgiye, you will be missed, but always loved and never forgotten.

 

[Weasel21]

Jem , thanks, it helps to hear that.

Unfortunately Milo went into a respiratory fit last night. He responded very quickly to the IM injection of the lasix and I continued oral medications frequently throughout the night. He's better today and the respiratory rate is back down to his normal. I can't help but wonder if he is also reaching the end stage...

But the other part of me can't help but wonder about the furosemide I've been using. Misgiye was mostly on the oral tablet of furosemide. After I said goodbye to Misgiye, I switched Milo over to the tablet because it's easier to administer. But the same day I switched him is the same day he had a respiratory fit; same dose, just a different form. I called the pharmacy and they said both forms should be equally effective (although the tablet takes a bit longer to absorb). Then I called the vet, and the vet said the liquid oral form was more effective. And now I'm wondering if it would have made a difference for Misgiye if I had been using the liquid form. Misgiye had a respiratory fit 4 days after I switched him from the liquid to the tablet, but I didn't make a connection. Now with Milo having problems immediately after the switch, I'm freaking out, going back and forth about whether Milo is nearing the end (at a quicker rate than his brother, despite still have a great quality of life and appearing much healthier), or if I put Misgiye down too soon and the liquid may have helped.

I just can't believe how quickly this is all happening with both of them.

 

[Jem]

I'm sorry Milo is not feeling well, and so soon after your loss. I know what your going thru and it's heartbreaking. Hopefully this is just a hiccup, from the combination of the stress he's feeling (cats feel the loss as well and sense yours) and the change of medication.

I called the pharmacy and they said both forms should be equally effective (although the tablet takes a bit longer to absorb). Then I called the vet, and the vet said the liquid oral form was more effective.

When it comes to medications and supplements, I've learned that liquid form is better. It's not just the fact that liquid absorbs faster, but with liquid there are usually less fillers and compounds that the body needs to break down and metabolize to get the the medication part of it, so yes faster absorption, but easier and better absorption as well. Not only that, but the medicinal part of medication or supplement also does not need to be broken down to be absorbed and metabolized, so your chances of getting it all absorbed and not just "most" of it, is greater. So it's like you get more bang for your buck with liquid. If Milo takes the liquid form without too much fuss, I would use it over the tablets.
If you want to use up the tablets, ask your vet if you can do both. I know mine had to take furosemide 2x day, so if you do the same, you could give him the tablet at one dose and the liquid for the other dose until they are used up. I know how expensive the medications can get and simply throwing them out seems like such a waste. But in all you know Milo best, and if you think the liquid works better for him, trust your gut, you'll feel better about your choices, and Milo will be better for it.