Can't Stop Crying After Putting My Cat To Sleep

[mensass]

I made the decision to put my cat of 16 years to sleep yesterday. She had CKD, and I had been giving her special food, medication, weekly trips to the vet for an anti-nausea injection, and fluids.

She had lost 40% of her body weight over the last few months, from 12 pounds to 7 pounds. She had developed an obsession with water to the point where she wanted the water ran for a moment in the tub, and then as it drained she would hop in and roll in it.

She'd get really, really wet. She also started peeing on the couch multiple times per day, which we ended up protecting with vinyl tablecloths. Every time she peed, we would just change the tablecloth. I think she was doing it because all her litter would clump to her if she got in her box wet, but I'm not sure.

She was still jumping all around, but would sometimes miss or slip, so she would fall. She would sit with us and respond to our touch with purring, but it wasn't as often. She was very restless, couldn't sit in one place for long, and she would take almost an entire minute just to situate herself to sit down, I think she was achy in her paws and maybe arthritis elsewhere, I'm not sure.

She seemed bad, then she seemed better, good days, then bad again, but actually seemed a little better the last few days.

Because she was so back and forth, I can't help but think that I should have held on longer and done more. What if she would have lived for another couple years? And was she actually in pain and suffering? Or is that just something I'm saying to make myself feel better? (Which is not working. I feel horrible and have no idea how people get thru this, and no idea how I'm going to get thru it). I'm worried if I ended her life too soon.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Lady, dream you deep. You walk forever in someone's heart.

Darlin, this second-guessing is so human, and so a part of your grieving, but...What you have described to us, the restlessness, the time it took to get settled, those are the very definitions of a cat in pain. And you, because you loved her deeply and wanted the best for her, chose to end that pain at great cost to yourself. It is NOT something that you are saying "just" to make yourself feel better, although I hope it might, because it is true.

How do you get through it? For right now, one moment at a time. Cry when you need to. Find a place where you can safely scream if you need to. Come here and talk as much as you need to (we've all been where you are, and understand that there is no such thing as "just a cat."). At some point, you will be getting through it one day and then one week at a time. But make no mistake, that sorrow will never be completely gone. It will, however, in time become mixed with the sweet memories. We are here.

I am so very sorry that it was a loss like this that brought you here but am so glad that you did find us. You are not alone

 

[mensass]

Thank you Mamanyt1953 For the kind words.

Its so confusing because she didn't seem "that bad". I am so broken because I feel like I let her down.

She was so attached to me. I took her to the vets, and she went, and now isn't back with me. It feels like a betrayal.

I didn't know I'd feel like this after. I thought I would feel like I had done the best thing for her.

 

[Hazelnutlove]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Let me tell you, you did the right thing. I've been there multiple times and I understand you second-guessing yourself. I think we all have done that when we have to put a beloved pet down. I know I have.

And no, it is not a betrayal! Please don't say or think that! You actually did her a big favor and she's so grateful for that. She has peace and is no longer in pain, thanks to your selfless act of deciding it's time. She's now your guardian angel watching over you.

It will take time but you will get through this - I promise. We all grieve differently but please remember you did the absolute right thing. Some people have different beliefs about putting down vs natural death. I personally am so thankful we have the option to save our fur babies from inevitable pain and suffering.

Again, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You will get through it. One day at a time.

RIP sweet angel

 

[mensass]

Thank you very much Hazelnutlove

I have just heard so many people say their cat lived for years with CKD and such, so the questions start going thru my mind if I ended her life too early.

I don't know why i thought I'd get a sense of relief and feeling of confirmation that I did the right thing afterward... I shouldn't have had that expectation I guess, but I've never done it before so I had no idea what to expect.

 

[Hazelnutlove]

Well, just like humans, diseases affect everyone differently and are in different stages. Based on your description of her actions it sounded like she was nearing the end. Try to focus on the 16 wonderful years you had with her.

Just like I said earlier, you're second guessing your actions which is natural. Try to take comfort in the fact that because of your love, she's no longer in pain and is in a beautiful place waiting for you and watching over you.

 

[mensass]

Well, just like humans, diseases affect everyone differently and are in different stages. Based on your description of her actions it sounded like she was nearing the end. Try to focus on the 16 wonderful years you had with her.

Just like I said earlier, you're second guessing your actions which is natural. Try to take comfort in the fact that because of your love, she's no longer in pain and is in a beautiful place waiting for you and watching over you.

Thank you again Hazelnutlove

 

[di and bob]

Cats are very good at hiding their pain. From your descriptions she was having it. You did what you could, and made her as comfortable and happy as you knew how, you loved her and that is all she ever wanted. You somehow found the strength to end that pain, a last act of love. An act that was performed out of love cannot be found guilty of any wrongdoing, and you know deep in your heart you did the right thing. When the quality of life has deteriorated to the point you describe, it is no longer bearable, it is existing, not living. Do not hold guilt in your heart, you did nothing wrong. Don't go over all those maybe's, and should haves, they do nothing but bring pain to an already broken heart. Instead concentrate on how much that little girl enriched your life, and use your precious memories of happier times to bring comfort.
You gave her a long 16 year life that was filled with love and happiness, and she gave you the meaning of what love is, a legacy to treasure for the rest of your life. Keep busy, don't dwell on the end, although I know that is impossible these first dark days. Do something good in her name, donate to a local shelter, or pay for the adoption of a cat that has been there the longest to give it a better chance at finding a home, it is something positive and helps to make you feel a little better about yourself. Talk to your little girl, she will surround you with her love and comfort, for love is spiritual and therefore eternal. You have a 16 year old bond with her, that can never be taken from you. Your souls are connected forever until the day you meet once more.
Time is the only thing that helps to soften the pain, you will forge a new life's order, but your paths will always parallel one another until the end of time. She would never want to be the cause of pain in your heart, show her that you learned from having her in your life and celebrate sharing your life's path for a while, ti would have been unthinkable to have never known her at all. Take care, I'll pray for you both, and cry for your pain......RIP sweet little girl. You will be dearly missed but never forgotten. Know you hold a special place in a loving heart. Goodnight, sleep tight little Princess!

 

[les26]

You were in a very tough spot, but I think you did the right thing, it sounded like she was not really enjoying herself much anymore. It is so difficult when we have to "play God" and decide when to end their lives, but I'm sure if your vet thought otherwise they would have talked to you about waiting. 16 years is pretty darn good for a cat to live so you did very good by her.

It will take time, and right now it feels like you will go crazy mentally over this, but with time you will come to terms with it and it will ease somewhat, for now just hang in there and realize that she wasn't good here on this Earth anymore and now she is fine, no pain, no strange behavouir, smiling and having a good life again and you will see her someday down the line and she will thank you for your act of love.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless....

 

[ericsmom1000]

I agree with all the posts here. I rescued dogs and cats for twelve years. I also took in seniors and special needs animals so they wouldn't die in a shelter. I have many cans of ashes from Los Angeles Pet Cemetery, where my kids were cremated. It is never easy to euthanize a pet. But when the quality of life is at zero, it is very selfish and cruel to keep an animal alive and suffering because you cannot let go. Your cat was delighted to have cast off her sick body. She is now in a place where she will never be ill again. Understand that she did not die -- her body did. Of course you miss her presence, and there are reminders of her in your home, but she is there in spirit. Physical death cannot break the bonds of love between you and her. Know that she is very happy now. Donate to a rescue in her memory, perhaps one in the Houston area where people and animals have suffered so much. There is one called Tall Tails Animal Rescue in Hankamer, 75 miles east of Houston. Their facility was destroyed by flooding. Or Austin Pets Alive, which has taken in hundreds of animals from Houston. Or donate to a local charity.

 

[mensass]

Cats are very good at hiding their pain. From your descriptions she was having it. You did what you could, and made her as comfortable and happy as you knew how, you loved her and that is all she ever wanted. You somehow found the strength to end that pain, a last act of love. An act that was performed out of love cannot be found guilty of any wrongdoing, and you know deep in your heart you did the right thing. When the quality of life has deteriorated to the point you describe, it is no longer bearable, it is existing, not living. Do not hold guilt in your heart, you did nothing wrong. Don't go over all those maybe's, and should haves, they do nothing but bring pain to an already broken heart. Instead concentrate on how much that little girl enriched your life, and use your precious memories of happier times to bring comfort.
You gave her a long 16 year life that was filled with love and happiness, and she gave you the meaning of what love is, a legacy to treasure for the rest of your life. Keep busy, don't dwell on the end, although I know that is impossible these first dark days. Do something good in her name, donate to a local shelter, or pay for the adoption of a cat that has been there the longest to give it a better chance at finding a home, it is something positive and helps to make you feel a little better about yourself. Talk to your little girl, she will surround you with her love and comfort, for love is spiritual and therefore eternal. You have a 16 year old bond with her, that can never be taken from you. Your souls are connected forever until the day you meet once more.
Time is the only thing that helps to soften the pain, you will forge a new life's order, but your paths will always parallel one another until the end of time. She would never want to be the cause of pain in your heart, show her that you learned from having her in your life and celebrate sharing your life's path for a while, ti would have been unthinkable to have never known her at all. Take care, I'll pray for you both, and cry for your pain......RIP sweet little girl. You will be dearly missed but never forgotten. Know you hold a special place in a loving heart. Goodnight, sleep tight little Princess!

Thank you di and bob, I had no idea the pain I'd feel from losing her. She was a part of every moment of my day. I work from home, she was my only co-worker, and truly a best friend It's awful not seeing her. I wouldnt her to be in pain tho.

 

[mensass]

You were in a very tough spot, but I think you did the right thing, it sounded like she was not really enjoying herself much anymore. It is so difficult when we have to "play God" and decide when to end their lives, but I'm sure if your vet thought otherwise they would have talked to you about waiting. 16 years is pretty darn good for a cat to live so you did very good by her.

It will take time, and right now it feels like you will go crazy mentally over this, but with time you will come to terms with it and it will ease somewhat, for now just hang in there and realize that she wasn't good here on this Earth anymore and now she is fine, no pain, no strange behavouir, smiling and having a good life again and you will see her someday down the line and she will thank you for your act of love.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless....


Thank you very much les26
I do feel crazy with sadness over it. I don't want her to be in pain, and also miss her so much. It's heartbreaking

 

[mensass]

Thank you very much les26
I do feel crazy with sadness over it. I don't want her to be in pain, and also miss her so much. It's heartbreaking

 

[mensass]

 

[mensass]

I agree with all the posts here. I rescued dogs and cats for twelve years. I also took in seniors and special needs animals so they wouldn't die in a shelter. I have many cans of ashes from Los Angeles Pet Cemetery, where my kids were cremated. It is never easy to euthanize a pet. But when the quality of life is at zero, it is very selfish and cruel to keep an animal alive and suffering because you cannot let go. Your cat was delighted to have cast off her sick body. She is now in a place where she will never be ill again. Understand that she did not die -- her body did. Of course you miss her presence, and there are reminders of her in your home, but she is there in spirit. Physical death cannot break the bonds of love between you and her. Know that she is very happy now. Donate to a rescue in her memory, perhaps one in the Houston area where people and animals have suffered so much. There is one called Tall Tails Animal Rescue in Hankamer, 75 miles east of Houston. Their facility was destroyed by flooding. Or Austin Pets Alive, which has taken in hundreds of animals from Houston. Or donate to a local charity.

Thank you ericsmom1000 I wish I knew she was here, I will hang on to that

 

[mensass]

 

[Mamanyt1953]

She was, and is, a lovely lady. She is not gone, only changed. Although that's a bit of cold comfort when what you want is the warm comfort of her in your arms again. We are here. Remember that.

 

[catladymary]

I made the decision to put my cat of 16 years to sleep yesterday. She had CKD, and I had been giving her special food, medication, weekly trips to the vet for an anti-nausea injection, and fluids.

She had lost 40% of her body weight over the last few months, from 12 pounds to 7 pounds. She had developed an obsession with water to the point where she wanted the water ran for a moment in the tub, and then as it drained she would hop in and roll in it.

She'd get really, really wet. She also started peeing on the couch multiple times per day, which we ended up protecting with vinyl tablecloths. Every time she peed, we would just change the tablecloth. I think she was doing it because all her litter would clump to her if she got in her box wet, but I'm not sure.

She was still jumping all around, but would sometimes miss or slip, so she would fall. She would sit with us and respond to our touch with purring, but it wasn't as often. She was very restless, couldn't sit in one place for long, and she would take almost an entire minute just to situate herself to sit down, I think she was achy in her paws and maybe arthritis elsewhere, I'm not sure.

She seemed bad, then she seemed better, good days, then bad again, but actually seemed a little better the last few days.

Because she was so back and forth, I can't help but think that I should have held on longer and done more. What if she would have lived for another couple years? And was she actually in pain and suffering? Or is that just something I'm saying to make myself feel better? (Which is not working. I feel horrible and have no idea how people get thru this, and no idea how I'm going to get thru it). I'm worried if I ended her life too soon.

I made the decision to put my cat of 16 years to sleep yesterday. She had CKD, and I had been giving her special food, medication, weekly trips to the vet for an anti-nausea injection, and fluids.

She had lost 40% of her body weight over the last few months, from 12 pounds to 7 pounds. She had developed an obsession with water to the point where she wanted the water ran for a moment in the tub, and then as it drained she would hop in and roll in it.

She'd get really, really wet. She also started peeing on the couch multiple times per day, which we ended up protecting with vinyl tablecloths. Every time she peed, we would just change the tablecloth. I think she was doing it because all her litter would clump to her if she got in her box wet, but I'm not sure.

She was still jumping all around, but would sometimes miss or slip, so she would fall. She would sit with us and respond to our touch with purring, but it wasn't as often. She was very restless, couldn't sit in one place for long, and she would take almost an entire minute just to situate herself to sit down, I think she was achy in her paws and maybe arthritis elsewhere, I'm not sure.

She seemed bad, then she seemed better, good days, then bad again, but actually seemed a little better the last few days.

Because she was so back and forth, I can't help but think that I should have held on longer and done more. What if she would have lived for another couple years? And was she actually in pain and suffering? Or is that just something I'm saying to make myself feel better? (Which is not working. I feel horrible and have no idea how people get thru this, and no idea how I'm going to get thru it). I'm worried if I ended her life too soon.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I am going through the same feelings though my appointment to put my baby down is tomorrow. I can't quit crying and wondering what it is going to be like to not see her anymore. My heart goes out to you and I pray we both make it through these tough times.

 

[les26]

She is a beautiful girl, and you see my guy in the picture on the left you know that I have a very soft spot for tuxedos.....

 

[mensass]

She was, and is, a lovely lady. She is not gone, only changed. Although that's a bit of cold comfort when what you want is the warm comfort of her in your arms again. We are here. Remember that.

Thank you, she is Mamanyt1953 && thank you for being here