Hang in there. I understand wanting to get away so you can see how you feel. When I was in an abusive relationship he managed to strip away my ability to think for myself and I even started having negative thoughts about my parents and friends, not just myself. When I got to be away for a couple of days I realized what a Zombie I'd become and that it was okay for the woman in the restroom at the truck stop to talk to me. I'd gotten so down on myself that I honestly didn't know why she would want to initiate a conversation w/ me. So, while I do wish you could get counseling to help your family stay together, I also know your daughter needs at least one very loving and supportive parent. I hope you find the answers you need to providing the most stable home for her. Good luck. Hugs.