Bonding With A Tiny Kitten Who Just Wants To Play

[altairose]

Hi,

We brought home a 3 month old, tiny kitten who just loves to play with anything - furry mice, wand toys, etc. The kitten is somewhat skittish as well - any advice on bonding (besides playing)? We want to encourage cuddly lap cat behaviors. :-)

I've read the articles here on petting induced and fear induced aggression, but we hear different advice and are not sure what to do? If the kitten bites us during play, should we hiss and say 'no,' then give time out for a few minutes? We're planning to keep the cat in a spare bedroom for the first few days, so we can just walk out the room. I've seen advice to freeze when the kitten bites, and other advice to say pull away, and other advice that says pull into the cat...

 

[basschick]

how hard does he bite? kittens are going to bite, but if it's hard enough to hurt you, i would hiss or say "No!" firmly but not yelling and go away for a few minutes so he grows to realize that if he bites or claws too hard, playtime stops.

all of that being said, i let every cat i've ever had bite and claw, and none got that painful.

 

[Kieka]

Play really is one of the best ways to bond. Play will lead to exhaustion so when you notice him winding down offer some food which will also trigger sleep. My kittens usually will curl up with me for some petting and a nap after a good play.

Biting, and claws, a sharp no and ignore the kitten entirely. Kittens have a super short memory so you don't need time out. Just a ten count can be enough to shock them and cement that tooth or claw means no play buddy. I did that with my crew every single time no matter how slight and as adults they know human means no pressure bites (Link does an open mouth hand grab when he is done but there is no pain, just a very light pressure of him saying no) and no claw.

 

[ArtNJ]

Lap cat strategy:

(1) You must let the kitten be the boss, and pet it only when it is accepting. You must never pick up if the kitten doesn't like it, and you must never put on your lap if it doesn't want to go there. Worse yet, *never* hold the cat down forcibly on your lap thinking "I'll show him how nice this is." It doesn't work -- think about how you would want a boy to treat your daughter;

(2) Generally, the first situation a hyper kitten will allow petting is when sleepy. Take advantage -- petting when the kitten is willing builds the bond;

(3) With a still somewhat skittish cat, there will often be a particular spot the cat will allow petting. This may evolve from where the cat usually naps. Or it may be the spot where you are typically quiet and not moving around a lot. For this reason, we have had a few posters report that the spot for their cat was on the side of the bathtub when they are bathing! The bed or couch in the living room are very common spots;

(4) Pet the cat in its special spot. Try summoning the cat to the special spot with a call noise and/or by tapping the special spot. You can also use a treat to help get started;

(5) Once you can summon the cat to the special spot, you can try to summon it to other similar spots using the same call noise/signal, and eventually to your lap.

(6) This is a very young kitten. A very high percentage of them are too hyper for much in the way of petting sessions right away. Patience grasshopper, patience. That is the overwhelming key.

YMMV, but I've had a few thank me for the method.

 

[She's a witch]

Hi,

We brought home a 3 month old, tiny kitten who just loves to play with anything - furry mice, wand toys, etc. The kitten is somewhat skittish as well - any advice on bonding (besides playing)? We want to encourage cuddly lap cat behaviors. :-)

I've read the articles here on petting induced and fear induced aggression, but we hear different advice and are not sure what to do? If the kitten bites us during play, should we hiss and say 'no,' then give time out for a few minutes? We're planning to keep the cat in a spare bedroom for the first few days, so we can just walk out the room. I've seen advice to freeze when the kitten bites, and other advice to say pull away, and other advice that says pull into the cat...

If you don't want him to bite, don't play with your hands/feet. If he does, firm No may be all that is needed (personally I used hissing on big occasions, only when No did not do the trick). I was also exaggeratedly screaming Ow (my husband hated it as he was afraid that the neighbors would think that he is the one hurting me ). Also, if he bites, you can go away and stop the play so that he knows it doesn't end well.
Don't try to pet him when he's playful, but when he's sleepy, when he's tired and prepares for sleep or after he just wakes up (but don't wake him up on purpose). But prepare that he may not be a cuddly type, not all cats are, the fact is that you never know with a kitten. My kitten was not, but the older she is, the more cuddles she asks for. Some kittens simply have no time for cuddling, playing is so much more appealing to them

 

[EliMarie95]

How I've bonded with all the young cats I've had is by rubbing my nose/chin again the cat's cheeks. Essentially this is the cat way of saying I love you (just be careful and only do this when your kitty is calm, you don't want then to attack your face lol). I did this with my orange cat who was three months when I got him and I've done this with the foster kittens I've had and they all have been very loving and cuddly.

Do not play with a kitten using your hand. Ideally, you would use toys that are on a string since the toy isn't in your hand directly.

But this is just what has worked for me. Your kitten may just be a rebellious kitty.

 

[duncanmac]

What to do when the kitten bites: It depends on the cat. Different cats will react differently. Usually a loud, rumbly "Gentle" does it with my guys. Sometimes I have to either lock them out of the room or just separate and ignore them completely if it gets too rough.

So you want a lap cat: Basically, encourage the cat to get on your lap. When you sit and watch TV, get the kittens attention and pat your lap or the seat next to you. Figure out how to give him a solid platform to sit on (a blanket or pillow, or just put your legs up and cross your ankles - you don't want him slipping through). Once you get him up there, pet him in his favourite spots and let him settle down. BUT - once he wants to get off let him, once he knows he can get away whenever he wants, he'll be more comfortable climbing up. Similarly, once he's on your lap, stay put and don't disturb him for as long as you can. And don't feel bad about using treats to bribe him.

Two warnings: (1) Some cats just aren't lap cats. They'll love you, be near you and do everything except climb on your lap. (2) Be careful what you wish for. I always felt that cats should be lap cats - I now have two that are. Duncan is 16 pounds of loving lap cat who will settle in for a long nap on my lap or chest. That's a lot of cat especially when he's walking around trying to pick a spot and settle in.

 

[SDerailed]

My kitten was just like this. Now he is a 1 year old cuddle bug.
We got him another kitten about his age, so he learned that play is with his brother and they sorted out the whole biting thing. But, before I got the kitten, I found he also learned when I yelped and stopped playing with him when he got too rough. My guy didnt know how to turn himself off when he got on a tear, so time outs were needed. Now, he gives himself a time out.
As for making him a love bug, I would wake him up and get loves. A sleepy kitten will give lives and attention. About the 6 month mark he started soliciting attention. And at a year old, he is just a huge cuddle bug, although he still doesn't sit on my lap while I watch TV

 

[altairose]

Well, it's day 1 (we got the kitten last night). So far, she initially hid but now goes out in the open and slept in the cardboard box that we made for her with some of our soft, worn clothes. She's adorable. The only biting was once when I was feeding her wet food with my finger, and she bit my finger.

*However,* she's been crying/meowing non-stop pretty much every hour she is not sleeping. And I don't think she's enjoying being pet -- when I've tried gently to pet her when she's sleepy, I can hear her growling, and she doesn't initiate the cuddles. I'm thinking about stopping for now, rather than force petting her, because I think it's stressing her out.

Not sure when the crying/meowing will stop... she wasn't a meower until she got into the car... My neighbors are probably annoyed.

 

[basschick]

was the kitten previously with the rest of her litter? if so, she's going to be lonely, and may be calling for her litter mates.

it's a good idea not to force petting - she's telling you "hey, watch it" with her growling. bring her little treats, don't force her to take them from your hand, sit near her and talk to her. be a safe, calming presence and slowly she'll learn to accept you as her new family.

btw, be aware that not all cats are ever cuddly lap cats. each cat has their own unique personality, and that includes how they show affection and how physically close they want to be with their humans, how and where they like to be petted, and lots more stuff.

enjoy getting to know your kitten - it's a wonderful journey

 

[ArtNJ]

Yep, as I mentioned in my post above, don't force your attentions on the kitten. Be patient. If the kitten is growling, it is not yet comfortable. The meowing is probably just part of that. Heck, some kittens stay under the bed for a week. Be patient with the kitten. As basschick said, treats are good. If you think about the process as akin to courting a girl, you want to be respectful, to go at her pace, not touch without permission...and bring gifts! Treats are gifts! What else does one do when courting? One finds something, anything, you can do together! And that is usually playing with toys, something kittens can generally do well before they are fully comfortable. It might still be too early to play with toys, especially vigorously, but give it a try! Lure toys that you can move around without moving much yourself are good, and a laser pointer can even be used while sitting.

 

[altairose]

Yes, it was previously with her 2 brothers and probably misses them - even the rowdy, bigger one :-).

Yeah, I think the kitten is starting to get more comfortable (it's currently sitting on top of the printer on the table with my laptop as I'm typing this). Ok, the printer's also where the sunlight is right now, but hey I'll take it.

I do think the kitten is shy/timid and too early for petting. I have played toys with it, but she definitely plays less and more timidly here than previously. It's like she's afraid of the toy. I also tried the laser pointer, but no go. Either she's scared of it ... or prefers to nap right now.

 

[altairose]

Arrgh, I'm really annoyed and frustrated adn I don't know what to do. The kitten threw up yellow liquid (bile), then I cleaned it up, and waited for a while. She started meowing really loudly and I thought she might be hungry (it's dinner time here) so I warmed out some wet cat food, and she isn't touching it.

Now, she's sitting on my chair, and I decided to sit next to her and see what happens. Well, she hasn't jumped off the chair but keeps growling and has her eyes closed like she's falling asleep! What gives!

 

[altairose]

Also, I don't think she's interested in treats right now.

 

[Kieka]

Arrgh, I'm really annoyed and frustrated adn I don't know what to do. The kitten threw up yellow liquid (bile), then I cleaned it up, and waited for a while. She started meowing really loudly and I thought she might be hungry (it's dinner time here) so I warmed out some wet cat food, and she isn't touching it.

Now, she's sitting on my chair, and I decided to sit next to her and see what happens. Well, she hasn't jumped off the chair but keeps growling and has her eyes closed like she's falling asleep! What gives!

Do you have a vet yet? That doesn't seem right and not in a behavior way. With kittens her age it is better to see the vet for some preventative care then wait for things to get bad. Vomiting combined with not waiting food and being less reactive (or lethargic) isn't normal.

I wasn't worried about the lack of play before, my Mom's cat has never been interested in toys either, but now..... Please see a vet to be safe.

 

[She's a witch]

Arrgh, I'm really annoyed and frustrated adn I don't know what to do. The kitten threw up yellow liquid (bile), then I cleaned it up, and waited for a while. She started meowing really loudly and I thought she might be hungry (it's dinner time here) so I warmed out some wet cat food, and she isn't touching it.

Now, she's sitting on my chair, and I decided to sit next to her and see what happens. Well, she hasn't jumped off the chair but keeps growling and has her eyes closed like she's falling asleep! What gives!

Is it food that she was accustomed to in the previous home or something completely new? Sudden change of food can create some stomach problems in kittens. And if it's completely new, she may not want it as well.

 

[altairose]

No, we were going to see the vet next week. Well, now the kitten woke up with a start and then decided by herself to climb up to my lap and sit there (without growling) so hopefully things are fine. First time kitty sat on my lap!

 

[danteshuman]

A few things. First about the cuddly lap cat. The best thing you can do is let your kitten have your lap for at least 15 minutes whenever they get on your lap. My cats figured out real quick that a lap blanket meant they could get a good 30-60 minutes of lap time. While they are on your lap only pet them if they are seeking affection and watch for signs that it is time to stop. Basically be the furniture Also I lured my hyper kitten into my lap (while I was under a blanket) using wand toys, would play for a few, sneak in a few pets and then went back to playing.

About the biting? I find it good to pretend that the slightest hint of teeth or claws REALLY hurts your poor delicate furless skin. A high pitch ow then ignore for 5-15 minutes sends home the message that biting/scratching you ends the play. It will take a while because your kitten is still a toddler and learning all the rules. A strict household rule of toys not hands is great to. I do a loud wailing oooowwwww but a hiss followed by a firm no will work to. Just be consistent and repeat the lesson a hundred times

 

[ArtNJ]

My first thought on your last post was the same as Kieka 's -- kittens do have a wide range of behaviors, but ... this seems a bit off. So yeah, I'd try and move the vet visit to sooner if you can.

Since this was a home borne kitten, I assume the kitten is probably healthy, but kittens need to go anyway, so no harm in speeding it up if you can.

 

[danteshuman]

I agree with taking the kitten to the vet if she throws up one more time or is not eating. The last thing you want is a dehydrated kitten (look up online how to see if your cat is dehydrated.) I would call and ask what food they fed her (when you can, next time ask when you pick the kitten up.) I would try giving her a mix of half chicken baby food (onion and garlic free, just plain chicken nothing else baby food) & unflavored pedialite. If she eats that without a problem and keeps it down, 4 hours later I would try giving her the mix again with a tiny amount of smooshed cooked white rice. If she keeps that down for 24 hours, then I would feed her the said kitten food she is used to. If she gets more lethargic or dehydrated or can’t stop vomiting I would rush her to the vet that day! Stress can cause vomiting, though I have never had a new kitten do that.

You can try using a new soft tooth brush to groom her head/cheeks/chin if she is resistant to petting. I greet all my new kittens by placing them on my chest, holding them as I give them their new adopted speech and my best imitation puuuurrrrr. I would also let her sleep with you. She lost her mom and siblings ...... she desperately needs to be as close to you as possible.