Bonded Pair - 1 Super Shy

[jasonsmi]

We just brought Mack and Mal (bonded pair) home from the SPCA 5 days ago. Mack (boy) has been super social from the beginning, but Mal (girl) is still super shy. She has come out of the bathroom and plays a bit with Mack, but wont let us near her. She hisses every time that we try and pet her. It's concerning because we need to take her to the vet in a few days to get her a final vaccination.

We've tried putting her in an enclosed space (bathroom) and petting her with a pom. In addition, her brother wont let her use the litter and she has been doing her business in the bathtub. Any advice to make her more social?

 

[margd]

I'm so sorry that no one has gotten back to you before now. I know from experience how awful it can feel to not get any replies to a request for help with a kitty.

It looks like you've got several problems that need addressing but I'm going to start with the one with a time constraint, namely taking Mel to the vet in a few days. Since Mel has made it clear that she doesn't want to be touched, you're right to be concerned.

It sounds like you'll be taking her back to a vet she's already seen so he or she might be willing to prescribe a low dose of gabapentin to give her before the appointment. The sedative and anti-anxiety properties of this med would make it easier for you to gather her up and put her in the carrier. Check this article out for info on some of the other medications that vets sometimes prescribe for anxious patients.

If you would rather not go the medication route, there are other things you can do alone, or in conjunction with medication, that can help.

Chamomile tea can have a very calming effect on an anxious kitty. A cup of tea made from about 1/2 tsp of chamomile flowers/leaves can be quite effective if given 20 - 30 minutes before it's time to pack-up and head out. Check this article out as well for a discussion of chamomile, cat nip, valerian, hops and Bach's Rescue Remedy as anti-anxiety aids. Bach's Rescue Remedy is a homeopathic remedy but many of our members report getting great results with it.

Since Mel won't let you handle her, I'd mix whatever you choose (assuming that you choose one of the above) in the gravy from a can of food that she likes. You could even try mixing it into chicken or turkey baby food (no spices) - these baby foods are irresistible to most cats.

Moving on....Leave Mel's carrier out for a few days so it will not seem threatening to her if it suddenly appears. Leave it open with a cozy towel inside and a stuffed toy to encourage her to view it as a "safe place". Place a trail of treats into the carrier to encourage her to hang out in it.

About five minutes before you leave for the vet, spray some Feliway around the room, on your clothes and in the carrier. Feliway is a calming agent that mimics pheromones that cats emit when they are happy and content. It doesn't work for every cat but when it works, it does a great job so it's worth trying.

And finally, cover her carrier with a dark towel or throw. This often reduces the stress cats feel as they are in the carrier and on the way to the vet.

I'll be back in a bit with another post addressing some of your other issues!

 

[margd]

It's been several days since you wrote this and I'm wondering if you are seeing any improvement yet in Mel's sociability? Some cats just take longer than others to get used to their new homes and family. This article on interacting with shy cats has a lot of good ideas. 16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats You do need to let Mal guide you, though. All you can do is to set up inviting environments and tempting situations that will encourage her to accept you.

It sounds like you separate her from her brother when you're trying to make friends with her, which is a very good idea. Does she have a place where she can hide in the bathroom? An overturned cardboard box with a cutout to serve as a door is fine. Be sure to make it soft and inviting by adding a soft towel or other material. She needs to have a safe place where she can retreat and hide when she is feeling anxious about your presence.

One of the best ways you can draw Mal out of herself is to play with her. This can be as simple as moving a string back and forth in front of her - eventually her curiosity should get the better of her and she'll start batting at the string (or whatever toy you use).

Several things to remember: Get down at her level so you seem less threatening to her. Don't look directly into her eyes for more than a second or two, or make any sudden movements. When you do look at her, try slowly blinking at her - this is a way to let her know that you can be trusted. Talk softly and calmly to her in the most soothing tones that you can.

Once she's playing with the toy, gradually bring it closer and closer to you until she won't come any closer. Don't push her, accept that she's reached her limit and reward her with a treat. If she's up for it, you can try starting over again, farther back in her comfort zone.

Over time, she should get very close to you and you can tentatively touch her at that point. Before doing so, hold your hand out for her to sniff. Then follow up with as much as she can handle in the form of little pats and strokes. Again, follow this with a treat. Treats can also be used to bring her towards you, without the toy. Just make a little trail from her location to yours. It may take her awhile to get right up to the last treat, but she should get there, eventually.

You mentioned that Mal has a problem with littler box avoidance because her brother is so territorial around it. You should actually have 3 littler boxes so adding one or two may help right away. The rule of thumb is one litter box per cat plus the house. This article is worth checking out - it does a much better job of addressing litter box issues than I can. The one thing I would add, however is: can you find out anything about Mack and Mal's situation before they came to live with you? It might be useful to know if this business of using the tub instead of a litter box goes back farther than just since they came to live with you. Since they were already bonded when you adopted them, Mack may have been laying claim to the litter box for a much longer time than it seems.

I hope everything goes well and that you update us sometime to let us know that you are all one big happy family now!

 

[le1112]

try having 3 litter pans. 1 for each cat and then 1 more. some cats are more independent and shy. she may never be as affectionate as the other but she will eventually warm up. just give her some time.